Posted tagged ‘Robert Pattinson’

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To Robert Pattinson Re Leaving New York and Fast Sporty Cars

August 7, 2009

Dear Rob,

It’s so boring here in New York now you’ve gone.

As an admirer whose feelings are strictly maternal (check out July post, why my feelings for Robert Pattinson must be strictly maternal), a part of me is happy for you.  Those paparazzi were such thugs.  The endless click of their cameras on all the youtube videos was like the sound of huge skittering cockroaches.  Their voices, calling out your name, sometimes lewd questions too, were crude, thick, loutish.  I got such satisfaction out of absolutely hating them on your behalf.

And I did feel truly sorry for you.  Seriously.  Maternally.  Which, I have to confess, was a great way to use up my downtime.

Besides all the photos.  Dozens of them every single day.  You in Washington Square, out on Long Island, Brooklyn, Central Park.  And though I think it’s more a tribute to your features than the talent of those bloodsucking (oops! Sorry!) paparazzi, an amazingly large number of them were pretty charming shots.

But now you’ve gone back to LA and the paparazzi just don’t seem to have the same access.  I guess that’s because it’s a place where you don’t walk or take cabs, but drive everywhere in fast, sporty cars.

Speaking of fast, sporty cars, you seem to have gotten yourself a new one. You apparently lost your old car (which I imagined as used and agreeably beaten up) because, in the chaos of your new fame, you forgot where you had parked it.  (This made me feel doubly maternal towards you–a misplaced car almost automatically raises maternal feelings of some kind.)

I have to confess, though, that there is something that bothers me about LA (besides the fast, sporty cars).  Maybe it’s the conspicuous wealth.  Or the ability to hide wealth.  Or the fact that wealth in LA can be conspicuous and hidden at once.  Meaning that people can both flaunt what they’ve got and also live in an enclave.

New York City certainly has its share of very wealthy people.  But here, at least, the rich and the poor have to walk the same sidewalks, and, in your case, get mobbed by the same crowds.  (Only yours are usually young female crowds.)

Maybe the saddest thing for me about knowing that you’re driving around LA in a fast, sporty car, is that it somehow destroys my already feeble fantasy that I could somehow, someday, write a book that you would be interested in, and somehow, someday, get you the manuscript, and somehow, someday, convince you to be in the movie based on that manuscript.

Yes, I know it was very silly.  People who know my work will point out that you don’t look anything like an elephant.  Still while you were here, walking behind several supposedly lax security guards, there seemed to be always the chance.

To see my counting book for children and elephants, check out the link for 1 Mississippi.

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To Robert Pattinson re Edward’s Appeal to Women

July 28, 2009

Robert Pattinson says that he doesn’t understand Edward Cullen’s appeal to women:  “if Edward wasn’t a fictional character and you met him in reality, he is like one of those guys who would probably be an axe murderer or something.”

Edward Cullen, in case you don’t know, is the hero of the enormously popular Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer; the vampire who falls in love with a human girl, Bella, whose scent holds a unique and nearly irresistible attraction for him.

By strange happenstance,  Edward also holds a unique and nearly irresistible attraction for Bella.  Bella , and about a zillion other women, who, since the publication of the series have gone gaga.   Though a fictional character, the web is full of Edward Cullen  fan clubs.  Pattinson, a human stand-in for Cullen, is mobbed in the streets.

I have to admit that I am one of Edward’s admirers, though I try, given my age and education level, to keep it a secret.

Still, I very much understand Pattinson’s confusion.  There is a lot about Edward that really should not be likeable.

First, although Edward and his family aspire a lifestyle of  vampire vegetarianism in the books (i.e. they don’t  regularly suck the blood of humans), Edward admits to a past of vigilantism.  He tells us he spent at least  ten years cutting down (and drinking the blood of) assorted assailants who, but for him, would have assaulted otherwise defenseless women in dark alleys and elsewhere.

(Sorry, Rob, but women sort of like that kind of thing.)

Secondly, Edward has a self-confessed problem with his temper, a potential for murderous rage.  (But hey, it’s self-confessed.  And in Edward’s defense, he always controls the rages.  Also, they are directed at people, usually men, who are either insulting, threatening, attacking, or otherwise laying an unwarranted claim to, his girl.)

Third, he regularly drives over 100 miles an hour.  (But has never had an accident.)

Fourth, he lies frequently (but in an almost dutiful way, striving to either a. protect his girl again, or b. protect his family.)

Fifth, he’s more than a bit of a stalker.  Which is creepy.   But again, there’s the protecting the girl thing going on.  Oh yes, and the adoration thing.  (More on this later.)  And, even as he stalks, the reader always has the feeling that he would go away if Bela wanted him too (which she wouldn’t.)   (Or at least he’d stay out of sight.)

He’s kind of a control freak too.  (Though he backs off on that one in Book 3.)  And did I mention the protecting his girl bit? And the adoration thing.

The two negative behaviors which are not really justified in the books are, first, an occasional prissiness.   But hey,  Stephanie Meyer’s a morman.  And besides that, Edward’s human instincts (that is, his sex drive) have been buried for eighty years by his blood drive.  It takes a while for lust to triumph over blood lust.   (Nearly three books.)  And, oh yes, did I mention the protective thing? And the adoration?

The second fault is more serious.  This is Edward’s…passivity, the way he and the other Cullens allow various non-vegetarian vampires to suck their way through nearby humans without much of an attempt to rein them in (except when they are threatening Edward’s girl Bella).  To their defense, there’s only so much they can do, right?   But, at the same time, they do seem a bit uncaring, standing by in discomfort, but not true suffering, for example, as a large group of tourists is devoured (okay they’re tourists.)

In other words, Edward is no super hero charging around saving the world.  To be fair, he warns Bella of that  in Book I.  Sort of:   “what if I’m not a super hero?  What if I’m the bad guy?’

But when someone with Edward’s/Robert Pattinson’s eyes, lips, bone structure, HAIR, asks a question like that, what can Bella, the viewer, and the reader possibly say?

OMG.

To be continued.

P.S.  Please check out 1 Mississippi at Amazon, counting book for kids and elephants:  http://www.amazon.com/1-Mississippi-Karin-Gustafson/dp/0981992307/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1248829291&sr=8-1

If you’ve seen the book, and like it, please review!

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Five Dangers of Being Purposeful

July 27, 2009
  1. You find yourself balancing on one leg (the weaker one) while waiting for the train.  You are hoping to improve your balance, strengthen your ankle, tighten the musculature on that leg.  You experiment with the raised leg touching your body, then not touching your body, then held a bit in front of your body, then to the side and to the back.  You carefully do not meet the glance of other riders but focus on a fixed point (a stain on a wall).  You vow to do this every time you wait for a train.
  2. You become very impatient with those (a husband) who need more sleep than you.  If he (the husband) complains that the two of you went to bed at 1 a.m. and it is now just 6:30, you tell him that the only way he’ll get to bed at a reasonable hour is to get up earlier.  Then, determined to be sympathetic (it’s part of being a “nice” person), you tell him, fine, go back to sleep, but you continue to talk to him the whole time you are drinking your bed tea.
  3. When you get bored at the office, you check the stock market, telling yourself that this is somehow puts you in sync with the world of commerce, though it only leaves you depressed and confused, both about the stocks you’ve bought and the stocks you did not buy, the stocks you’ve sold and the ones you did not sell.   
  4. Depressed and confused, you begin, in your breaks from work, to check up on Robert Pattinson instead of stocks.  You justify this on the grounds that you are planning to write a novel based on how the paparazzi are harassing him.  This gives you license to go to all the paparazzi websites, calling it “research”. 
  5. You increasingly talk on the phone when you walk or stare down into your blackberry.  You tell yourself that this is multi-tasking, killing two birds with one stone.  You try not to think about the fact that while you are talking or looking at your blackberry, you do not see either birds or stones. 

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5 Good Reasons To Blog

July 26, 2009

1. People, even husbands (who, for the moment, have to live somewhere else because of their work) really don’t like being called at 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning.

2. Writing is an inherently lonely activity. Living can be also.

3. Reading a new book, a great book, can make the mind gleeful for solitude.  It allows one to range deep into the night with no turning off of lights.  The glee can sour though as hours pass and the too-many-pages-turned hangover closes in.

Reading a book one has read many times before sometimes works better–sleep can be attained at a more reasonable hour–the book can be picked up at almost any random, much rumpled, page, the best parts can be quickly found and re-savored.  But at a certain repeated read–say, the twentieth–the mind begins to slip again into its neediness.  This happens, in part, to me , because the books I choose to read again and again are often not books I consider great, or even good  (those books are sometimes too disturbing to bear repeated reads)  but are soothing, stereotype-affirming, not too challenging experiences.  They are a bit like the nice hot bath I’ve taken so many days of my life, that true attention is not required.   I don’t worry about slipping, just check the water’s temperature, then step in, lie back and relax (usually with a much read book in hand.)

But even the most comfortable bath eventually feels tepid.

4. There are many thoughts, such as those about Robert Pattinson and also about some of those same mindless books  (silly teen novels) that I’d just as soon not email to my friends, but somehow don’t mind shouting out into the void. (What seems like the void.)

5. You can always edit, delete a blog, even after it’s been published;  it’s one of those rare vehicles in which words can be taken back; the shouts reeled in.  The tongue doesn’t even need to bitten.  You can simply click, click, click.

—ManicD, in a less than manic moment, but feeling better already.

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10 Reasons Why My Feelings For Robert Pattinson Must Be Strictly Maternal

July 25, 2009

1.  It upsets me when I see pictures of him a. smoking, b. drinking a coke.  (I don’t mind all the coffee.   It’s the niccotine, tar and high fructose corn syrup that get to me.)

2.  I worry about him going to martini bars.

3.  The way the papparazzi hound him makes me feel extremely sorry for him.

4.  All the bad weather we had in New York when he was filming Remember Me made me feel extremely sorry for him.

5.  Almost any slight makes me feel extremely sorry for him, even though others insist he’s had a pretty lucky year.

6.  I overlook what the media criticizes,  e.g. he probably didn’t understand New York tipping standards.  Besides, maybe he wasn’t even picking up the tab for that meal.  Also he’s young.  (And if he had a martini, he shouldn’t have, though actually the drinks list for that meal, which I just happened to have seen somewhere only mentioned him having Italian beer and a free prosecco.)

7.  I immediately shut down any youtube video in which he says something which begins to sound crude;  everything else he says sounds extremely intelligent to me  (especially in his drawling English accent, accented by hands pushing through hair).

8.  I did not go to Little Ashes.

9.  I like Kristen Stewart too, but when I see her out of character and coated in eye make-up,  I can’t believe she’s truly his type.

10.  I wonder that my daughters (around his age) are not more interested in him.  Whenever I mention his name, they shoot me troubled glances and mutter something about an intervention.

Check out my children’s book 1 Mississippi on Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/1-Mississippi-Karin-Gustafson/dp/0981992307/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1248573092&sr=8-1

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1 Mississippi on Amazon

July 25, 2009
From 1 Mississippi

From 1 Mississippi

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Hello world!

July 25, 2009

Hello  World!  This is my first post and I want to tell you a little about myself.

I love Robert Pattinson.  I also love Walt Whitman, W.B. Yeats and Virginia Woolf, so please don’t judge me too harshly.   Though I’ve actually been quite amazed by my love for Pattinson.  It is not just his looks (okay, it’s his looks), but also an inherent, seeming, sweetness.   The casual smile, upturned lips, harassed hair, truly harassed self.  (Additional love is engendered by pity, the poor guy seems to hardly have a life, at least not a life that can be led in any public forum.)

I’m not sure it is the sweetness of the Lake Isle of Innisfree, of clay and wattles, of nine bean rows, and a hive for the honey bee, or of the Q that Mr. Ramsay endlessly searches for or even of the sands of the Pahmanouk (excuse the spelling), that is, Brooklyn beach that Whitman throws himself onto, endlessly rocking.   But there is something there.  Beauty that must be conscious of itself but runs its fingers through careless hair as if not.

Can’t help it.

Anyway, my obsession for Pattinson is a small and relatively secret part of me.  But it does make for a certain uplift (even though I’m a woman).  Something to pour myself into other than the collapse of the economy, the nadir of stock prices, the weight of college tuition, the fear of the future, the endless grimness of print everywhere and all that’s happening.   The sight of a  sweet unselfconsious smile makes for a good break.   I go to google news, type in Robert Pattinson, and can enter a paparazzi-made bee-loud glade, laughing at the silliness of it all, for just a moment, and then, if I’m at my office, quickly deleting all search history.

Oh, by the way, speaking of sweetness, and this is only a bit of a plug, I also love elephants, drawn in a slightly anthropomorphized fashion.  If you like them too, check out a new children’s counting book  called 1 Mississippi, available at Amazon.  http://www.amazon.com/1-Mississippi-Karin-Gustafson/dp/0981992307/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248491601&sr=1-10

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