ManicDDaily

Thanks

When I think of thanks,
I think of you and I think too
of them—of her and her
and her and him—

And all that blue that is the opposite of sky—
that blue inside me that wails at times
like a saxophone in the night
(only it’s not just at night).

That hue that seems to blue my very bones,
to make even my joints lonely—
(How can a knee
be forlorn? How can an elbow feel
abandoned?
They are joints! Per se connected!)

But if, in that dejection,
I can think of thanks—even just the word—
my mind is lured to you, to them,
and all that is torn
is joined anew (roughly, but
enough)—
the knee bends, the arm extends—
and that inner blue becomes lent sky,
and everything shows itself
to be a part of everything else—
the trees, the stones, the tones
of that saxophone, even what feels so lone—sky inside
and out,
sky all about. 

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Here’s kind of a draft poem that has been on my mind. Of course, it is an adult poem, and the drawing is a children’s drawing–an illustration from my picture book Lightly Going Things, but I liked the ebullience of the pic. (And of course the elephants!) That picture book is soon to be available on Amazon, with others of mine.

Awake in the Moonlight

I wake in the moonlight, things to do,
they mainly consist of missing you—
you who we were when we were young,
I who we were when we were one. 

We could be one with three or four,
children clinging to the core,
arms around, stories read,
squeezed into a squishy bed. 

We’re not a single memory,
but shifting slides of clarity—
now, I’m the child, now I’m the mother,
now I’m the gathered, now, the lover. 

I go outside to see the moon,
bright bowl of a no-handled spoon—
You cannot hold it, but still can taste
the orbit’s grace, the shine, the trace.

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Kind of a ditty for today! Just to be clear, about past year rather than any particular person! Mainly I was thinking of my kids when young, and my grandmothers, whom I hope to emulate.

This is an old drawing—a bit too witchy for the poem, but the one that most fit that I could find!  

Stay well!  And thanks to all who got out to vote. 

Eclipse

So many miracles.
The moon, pre-dawn, a soft red ball smiling
with shine
We held each other earlier.
I did not actually hurt my back
in yesterday’s fall.
Someone has carved or eaten a filigree of life
in a rim of wood
that lays upon the driveway; its mosaic playing
with the tracks of tires.

There is a fire within each of us, you can see it
in the eyes.
Infants have it in abundance,
so serious as they contemplate
a first sweet potato, or hug a kid,
meaning a baby goat, at some small farm,
and the little goat, somehow grasping that it is another baby
who has grasped it,
doesn’t (seemingly) complain, at least,
doesn’t bite—
all of this completely true.

And now the sky is pale
with not-yet-blue, 
and our dark horizon has shine
all over it, a whole dome
of shine.
How does the world manage it?  

“Humility” a word that comes to mind, a lesson
for the day, a shine to strive for.  But how
do you strive for humility?
Maybe just
take note. 

*******************

A sort of poem for this morning, the last full lunar eclipse until 2025.   Also, election day in the U.S.  Do vote.  So much is on the line—women’s rights, human rights, voting rights, environmental protection. 

Not Only About Chili

“But you love chili,” she moaned.
But his lips pressed tightly against it,
even after she had liquified it to a coral slop—
and, no, it was not because
she’d liquified it
to a coral slop. 

We tried all the old favorites—
apple sauce, tomato soup, rye toast
with a poached egg,
whatever flavors of Ensure
were stacked
against the wall, the chocolate
Boost,

foods that were like old tunes, melodies he knew.
But he would not sing along, could not,
his body on its own fork
in the long road of disease.

He had a gravely voice, even when young.
I think of the froggy who went a’courting
in a big blue book
when I was little; the green frog
outlined in black, a little tied sack
at his back, a sack on a stick. 

She did not say, “but you love me,” instead of “chili”
or “tomato soup” or “applesauce.”

But that was a given; he said it all the time, how he loved her.
Even as he died, he said it.

The body won’t always do
what we want,
won’t live until the other’s
ready to go,
won’t/can’t swallow.

Have you ever seen a bird hold hands
as it flies? Two birds?
Of course not. 

But hands I have seen—hands joined
and spread
like wings—

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Very much a draft poem, but I like it; hope you do too.  (All rights reserved as always.)

Vote vote vote.  Women’s rights are on the ballot; women’s rights and human rights. 

It was a rather lovely place! I’m not sure why the cars wore hats though, as it was pretty warm. Hope you are getting some breaks.

Before Dawn

how did it get so cold—the darkness feels
absolute, but it’s only dark enough
to let the stars and moon both shine.

It’s not a matter of darkness anyway
but clarity, the sky clear enough for pinpoints, clear enough
for the blue arc of the moon
to be seen in its small bright bowl.

Clear enough that I can make out the imagined paths between stars,
the sketch of constellations whose names I’ve never been able to learn—
but not so clear that I can see the stone steps right
at my feet.

I bend to hold a concrete slab at their sides,
then crouch down the stairs, a sideways crab, determined
to get a broader view, and so glad, now
as I write this, that I don’t always care how I look
in this so beautiful world,
that I don’t somehow mind
the awkwardness of age, the steps one takes
to hold on, the steps one
is given, all those strange
blessings.

********************************

Happy Friday!  The above drawing does not really go so well with this poem, but I like it!  It was done in a wonderful drawing class, Inventory Drawing, with Peter Hristoff of School of Visual Arts.  Sadly, the class is concluded now, but I urge you to check out SVA offerings in Continuing Ed (and other Ed) in future semesters as Peter will likely offer the class again. 

As always, all rights reserved.

Pie 

When I tell you you’re a sweetie pie,
you say that I’m the sweetest pie,
and I can’t help but think
of a Shoo Fly,
made with brown sugar and vinegar,
me who is so darting
yet somehow insubstantial, sweet,
sad, sour—

But for you, I think of a Moon,
because of the spoon
of your backside, also just because
I like the name. 

But a Moon Pie’s made with marshmallow,
and there’s not much of the marshmallow in you—
a soft heart,
but what really comes to mind
is a tree branch,
because of the way the muscles line
your shoulders, sides, the lean strength
that bends,
the way a branch is surprisingly green
beneath the bark. 

But what kind of pie is made with branches?
The closest is a nest—

I think then of how you hold me
at your chest,
me, who is so
mercurial, and how you would never even think
of Shoo Fly—
no, you’d never call that
my pie. 

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No offense meant to Shoofly Pie, or those who like it! Have a great day.  (All rights reserved, as always.)

I am worried about the upcoming election.  Women’s rights are on the line.  Frankly, in many states, women have already lost the line. 

But it could get worse (and will if the GOP takes over congress.) 

Voting rights are on the line.  Frankly, in many states, voters have already lost the ability to vote easily and to have their votes counted.

But it could get worse (and will if the GOP takes over congress.) 

Yes, we are already despoiling the planet.

But it could get worse (and will if the GOP takes over congress.)

Yes, Putin has already acted on delusions of grandeur, and his soldiers have raped, tortured, and are currently bombing civilians.  But his actions, and those of other dictators, could get much much worse.  

And the GOP noticeably does not care about crimes against humanity, not if it raises the price of gas.  Sadly, it seems as if many GOP politicians do not care much about crimes against humanity even they didn’t raise gas prices.  (They seem to have  a not-very-secret affection for dictators.)

What I have been doing—which has become almost mystical for me—is making small donations nearly every day (sometimes randomly repeated through the weeks) to Democratic candidates around the country. Each is a very small donation.  Yet, I try always to carry through the thought, to bother.

If I think of someone in a pivotal race—Val Demmings against Marco Rubio; John Fetterman against Dr. Oz; Tim Ryan against J.D. Vance; Mark Kelly against Blake Masters—Beto O’Rourke, Stacy Abrams, Catharine Cortez Masto, Mandela Barnes, Evan McMullin—-the Democratic candidates here are all interesting and worthwhile–I try to make that little donation. I feel like even my small donations will generate a random positivity in their direction, while if I have the thought, but don’t follow through, I might contribute to the negative. (It might somehow contribute to the idea of other people not bothering–not even bothering to vote.)  

I guess I am trying to work the “butterfly effect.”  It’s the idea in chaos theory that one small change, one small action (the movement of the wings of a butterfly), can generate a big result.  

My thought—that even my small efforts (the little donations, the carefully worded, if hopeless, emails to family members in red states)–could populate a tide.

Anyway—I put it out there.  To think about politics right now is sickening, disheartening, but important. Do what you can.  

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ps–Raphael Warnock is another to support!

Drawing above is mine–was supposed to start as a moth, but I drew a butterfly of sorts–again in Peter Hristoff’s wonderful “Inventory Drawing” class at SVA.

Magic hair! (Sadly, my cut is a pixie!)

Have a great day!

Another work week.  These are definitely connected to a sense of dread and isolation these days!  (Especially if, like me, you are working remotely. Remote work is a wonder, but when you are stuck in the dread of Monday, you realize that even a commute, much less the camaraderie or a workplace, can sometimes jog your cog-self into a more convivial slot.)

The shortening, cooling, daylight adds to the sense that time is way too short, yet also hanging heavy. It’s an odd combination of time pressure and time endlessness. Worry over the current election cycle, Russian brutality in the Ukraine, and so much else in the world doesn’t help, of course–nor endless Trump.)

What does help: for me, anyway–thinking of the delight that children bring to many many moments, both for themselves and others. Getting outside. Music. Art of all kinds–both enjoying and making.

The pic is one of the drawings done very very quickly in Inventory Drawing, taught by Peter Hristoff at SVA.  It was not actually done for this subject matter, but fits the bill in some ways.

In the midst of all these sands of time—have a good week!