All rights reserved. Karin Gustafson.
If you like elephants with watercolors, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson on Amazon, or at link from ManicDDaily home page.
As some of you may know, my family has a very highly trained dog. This is amazing to me, especially given the fact that we have watched only a couple of short clips of Cesar Millan’s wonderful show, the Dog Whisperer. As a result, virtually all of our dog’s training has been undertaken pursuant to our own individualized methods.
Here are some of the commands which I have found to be most successful:
1. Lie Down! (Works best when dog is already in prone position.)
2. Stay! (Ideally follows “Lie Down!”command above.)
3. Roll Over! (This should be combined with a hand gesture indicating that you are about to rub dog’s tummy.)
4. Stretch!
5. Yawn!
6. Close eyes! (Slowly, slowly, slowly…. Ah….)
7. Doze! (Sometimes this command is mistaken for the command “Laze!” as many dogs, through no fault of their owners, have a difficult time distinguishing the different vowel sounds.)
With proper training, the above tricks can be performed by most dogs at any time of day. Amazingly, some dogs will even adapt awkward, oversized, props for use in performing such tricks (for example, a queen-sized bed.)
The commands set forth below are best given at mealtimes. With the proper incentives (cheese works well), most dogs will soon learn to respond even before the command is uttered:
1. Beg!
2. Whine!
3. Whimper!
4. Gobble!
5. Yes, yes, lick your cute little doggy chops!
6. Again!
Try any of the above commands, and, if you get the timing right, you’ll be amazed at how obedient even the most wayward dog can be, canine putty in your tummy-rubbing hands.
(Sorry–this is reposting of an earlier drawing since I’m away from my normal technical devices this weekend. Have a nice weekend!)
If you like elephants as well as dogs, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson at Amazon.com or at link from ManicDDaily home page.
Veteran’s Day, 2009
My father has always worn
black, army-issue, shoes,
whose toes turn up within
a few days of purchase,
something from the war,
too much forced march.
Today makes me think
of loads of turned-up toes,
curling beneath green fields,
or stock stiff still
in a sprawl of mud and camo.
My nephew talks of joining
up, practices for the test.
I don’t know what to say–
sure, if you don’t get hurt,
and no one around you either,
not even those at whom you aim
your gun.
I don’t say that.
I know people do it, maybe have to,
even my gentle father, balding
at seventeen, who marched once
twenty miles before breakfast,
shaving out of a cup at 6, and then, at Pilsen,
was issued a beer with a raw egg in it;
the man next to him, either
shaving or drinking beer, got hit, right
next to him. And the egg, he said,
they just drank down.
All rights reserved, Karin Gustafson, 2009.
For more poems, especially villanelles about soldiers, check out posts in poetry or villanelle categories from ManicDDaily home page.
How do you inure yourself to criticism? How do you view it as instructive rather than destructive? (Note that when I say “you”, I mean me. This is a task I find truly difficult.)
When I first considered this question, I thought of a cockroach—something with not just a thick skin, but a hard carapace. A creature that is at the height of evolutionary sustainability. A survivor.
But I can’t quite stomach becoming more cockroach-like, and I don’t think I can advise it for you either. Because, aside from its general lack of appeal, a cockroach scurries away from any bright light, which is exactly what a lot of criticism feels like–a too-bright light shone right into your eyes, or on your weak spots (that flap of flab at the back of a thigh. Or worse, if you’re a writer: those awkward transitions, that plot that just isn’t credible, that character, based on you, who’s simpering and inane.
The fear of criticism, or the experience of criticism, can be an old-style Berlin Wall to a struggling writer. Not only is it an obstacle between your desire to work and your ability to work; it is also a wall between the two halves of yourself—the half that really does want to learn and grow and improve, and the half which wants anything you do, no matter how flawed, to be called brilliant, at least, good enough.
Because I’m so bad at this, I can only give a few random clues as to how to get better:
1. Don’t show work too early. It can be both humiliating and paralyzing to have your reader point out problems that you would have caught yourself if you’d only waited a few weeks beyond the glow of completion.
2. Take care to whom you show things. It’s helpful if you truly believe that your reader respects you and your abilities, no matter what they say about the particular piece.
3. Try to focus on what you can learn from a specific critique. Keep in mind that even if some criticism may not be fully justified, it may still point out something that doesn’t fully work.
4. After due consideration, if you feel your work is good, hold your ground. Consider your reader’s perspective and taste. Is it the same as yours? Is it infallible?
5. Distance yourself. Those words on the page are not you. What you wrote yesterday is not you today. There are countless ways to skin a cat; it takes all types to make a world. Which means—yes, you can revise it (no matter how impossible that feels).
6. When all the above has been tried, and you really just can’t bear any more, scurry into a dark crevice. But don’t just wait till it’s safe to come out again. Work from there. Keep working even from there.
For more on Writer’s Block, check other posts in this category. And, as always, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson, on Amazon or at link on ManicDDaily home page.
Still thinking of Obama at Dover, and how some on the right have such a hard time accepting the sincerity of his concern for U.S. servicemen at war.
To some degree, the right seems disingenuous here. However, the disbelief in the patriotism of someone who is generally against war is longstanding in this country; it seems to me at least, to stem in part from a re-hashing of the fight between those for and against the Vietnam War, and the lingering anger over those protests.
I do believe, now, that those protesters went too far, seeming to disown the U.S. soldiers. The backlash, in which the flag was taken over by the right (almost as a symbol of war rather than the country) was also a travesty.
At any rate, here’s a poem about it. Another villanelle. (Please check other posts in the “poetry” and “villanelle” categories for the exact rules of a villanelle. You can see that I’ve played with them a bit here.)
Flag
There were rules. You weren’t allowed to let it
touch the ground. If it did, it should be burned
or buried. You couldn’t just forget it,
pretend it hadn’t slipped (if stained, to wet it)–
our trusted God would see and you’d be spurned.
There were rules. You weren’t allowed to let it
rip or fray. To be flown at night upset its
regimen, as it were. The darkness turned
it into something buried. Don’t forget it,
leave out in the rain; you had to get it
(getting soaked yourself, your last concern).
There were rules. You weren’t allowed to let it
pass—even at the movies, we would fête it—
until the Sixties came, and their war churned
and buried much—you couldn’t just forget it,
pretend we hadn’t slipped. The fall begat at
least two flags—one paraded, the other mourned—
but just one rule—you weren’t allowed to let it
be buried; we couldn’t just forget it.
All rights reserved. Karin Gustafson
Halloween’s over. How to handle all the candy your kids have collected?
Suggestions:
1. Fight with them about it at least three times a day for the next couple of weeks.
2. Steal some to recycle in Christmas stockings.
3. Eat it yourself. (Hey, you’re looking out for them. Isn’t that what parents are for?)
4. Carefully substitute small boxes of raisins for the more disgusting items. No, wait—raisins are terrible for their teeth. Chocolate’s better. Chocolate? You’re substituting chocolate?
5. Actually, that’s not a bad idea. If you’re going to eat their candy yourself, you’ll probably really enjoy that chocolate.
6. Keep it from the dog.
And, while you are feeding your inner child, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson on Amazon, or at link from ManicDDaily home page.
I have a checkered history with Halloween. It started when I was a little girl and my overworked mom took me to a late afternoon dental appointment at the end of October. Unfortunately, this end-of-October date was “Beggar’s Night,” which, in my childhood state, was the traditional night for trick or treating. Even more unfortunately, the late afternoon dental appointment turned into an evening dental appointment due to the discovery, during tooth cleaning, of one or more cavities.
As the clocked ticked, I slipped into despair. I remember walking tearfully out to a cold empty parking lot, the day’s remaining light already slimmer than a dim yellow ribbon. When we got home, and it turned out that all of my neighborhood friends had long since come and gone, my mother jumped into quick, guilty, action. She pulled out one of her one of her favorite evening dresses (a black wool one with puffed fur sleeves), and converted some kind of round bin that my brother had once used as a Crusader’s helmet into a black cat’s head.
This unfortunate Halloween imprinted several resolutions into my brain which only blossomed fully in motherhood,when I was determined not to be the cause of similar angst: (1) never make your child a dentist appointment in the month of October; (2) avoid cavities; (3) make your kid’s costume in advance; (4) make your kid’s costume; and (5) if you don’t sew, convert other clothes. (I never got over my admiration for the way that my mother threw together what turned out to be quite a glamorous black cat’s costume, once I took off that medieval helmet.)
These resolutions had mixed results for my own children, especially for my oldest daughter. (Oldest children often get the fullest brunt of parental ideology.) I don’t really need to go into the cavities part other than to say that I allowed that child on her first Halloween (at age 2) to conveniently lose her pumpkin of Halloween candy. (Yes, this was horrible horrible horrible and I have since tried to make it up to her with a great deal of Swiss chocolate.)
The costume part is better. I believed that children, even very young children, should participate in the making of their costumes. The strangest example was the sheep, a costume that my oldest daughter “decided” on when she was 3. (I think it may have started as a lamb, and I say “decided” in quotes, because I suspect that I had some hand in the idea since the sheep costume had a puffiness suspiciously reminiscent of my black cat fur sleeves.)
Our/my brilliant conception was a huge white sweat shirt upon which my very small daughter glued cotton balls. Many many many cotton balls. I made a hat, with ears, out of white cropped panty hose, also covered by my daughter with cotton balls.
It made for a very cute, very “woolly” sheep (if wool were cotton.) Of course, it’s true that “sheep” was probably not the first thing that came to people’s minds seeing her. Halloween does not generally bring sheep to mind.
The sheep outfit was intended to be comfortable. Unfortunately, instead of that cold Beggar’s Night of my youth, it was an unseasonably warm, drizzly afternoon. Cotton balls get very very heavy when drizzled on. And hot.
It’s hard to be the oldest child.
Happy Halloween.
In between tricking and treating, check out 1 Mississippi, by Karin Gustafson, on Amazon or at link on this homepage. (Thanks.)
Please, love
Please, love, summon some zing.
Famished for faith; belief in self
would fill that belly.
So I think.
But in the meantime, head teams,
heart empties, pen rambles, the part moon
fails to inspire.
Please love, summon some hope.
We enter this life for a purpose, rarely met.
In the meantime, life force puddles.
Please sweet, summon treasure
from this mean time.
Make it worthwhile in the having and
not simply in its loss;
please, love.
All rights reserved. Karin Gustafson
Writing a daily blog can do strange things to you. One of the more dangerous is that it strengthens the propensity (already outsized in most bloggers) to openly speak your mind.
This was brought to my attention last night when I was jammed on the Number 4 train heading for Game 1 of the World Series. The guy squeezed next to me had a slightly pudgy face that was decorated by half-there facial hair (some form of beard or goatee, probably intended to better define his face shape.)
He noticed, in the mass of people clumped around the subway pole, a tall pale guy, whom he recognized. The tall guy held the hand, knotted around the pole, of a young woman who looked up at him with eyes thick with make-up, shiny with adoration. (It turned out these two had only been married for a month.) But I digress.
The pudgy guy, clearly hoping to impress the tall guy, told him about that big things had been happening in his life. He’d gotten married the previous year; his business, four years old, was doing great; he was employing his brother; his wife was expecting.
After asking the tall guy where he lived, he revealed that he’d “closed” on a place in mid-town Manhattan last week.
Finding out that the couple had just married, he asked the tall guy where they’d honeymooned. “Nice,” he said appraisingly.
They talked of a mutual friend who was also doing great, the pudgy guy said. This friend had had a student loan business which he sold for $150 million dollars last year, then, “two weeks later,” the pudgy guy went on, “the government changed the regulations for, you know, student loans, and the place literally closed its doors. Busted.” He grinned widely.
(For government “changing regulations”, the blogger in me thinks “cracked down on corrupt business practices.”)
“Beautiful,” a third guy said. I don’t know if this third guy, young, short, bristly, was a stranger or friend. It’s hard when everyone is cheek by jowl, arm by guy, to know who’s with whom.
Who was going to the Yankees’ game and who was just headed up to the Bronx was a bit clearer. For example, a very slight Hispanic girl, just opposite me, who had worried eyes, a worried complexion, a small stud below her lower lip, and a large rumpled SAT prep book under one arm, looked like she was probably not going to the game. (In fact, she got off in the Bronx, but before the stadium.)
“Well, you must be doing okay,” the pudgy guy said to the tall guy, “if you can buy Yankees tickets.” He rubbed middle finger to thumb, moola-style. (He had season tickets himself.)
(I should note here–yes, to make myself look virtuous–that my ticket, the most expensive single ticket, other than for a flight, that I’ve ever held in my hand, was given to me.)
Trying, I think, to change the subject, the tall guy at the pole asked the pudgy guy when his baby was due. The pudgy guy pulled out a cell phone and directed it to an image of the baby’s sonogram, which he pressed across multiple limbs to his friend’s face.
This might have been a touching gesture. But he kept saying, “you can see he’s a boy, right? I mean you can’t miss it, right?”
The tall guy tried to say something about how amazing it was that the pudgy guy had a sonogram on his cell, but the pudgy guy wouldn’t let go of the fetus’s penis. “Look at the size of that. You know what that is right? I mean, how can you not see it?”
The tall guy said that he knew what it was. “You’re happy then, with the baby coming?”
“Oh yeah, sure. I’m just so glad it’s not a girl. I’d just hate to have a girl.”
The blogger in me could suddenly no longer control myself. “I think you’re horrible for not wanting a girl,” I said loudly. “And I think your friend who made the 150 million for selling his worthless company was horrible too.”
As silence descended over the car, I was glad I had not added anything about the guy’s obsessing over the size of his son-to-be”s genitalia.
No one looked at me, except the third guy, who sneered. “No, it wasn’t horrible. I don’t want girls either. And what that guy did was great. That’s what capitalism is all about. That’s what the Yankees are all about too, that’s why we’re all here. To beat these guys from the start.”
I, thought about the incident repeatedly during the game. It was a game in which one had a lot of time to think about things (such as, will anyone ever hit one of Cliff Lee’s pitches?)
I really do like the Yankees. Despite their ridiculous pay scale. But when you go to the new stadium, when you sit in a large crowd many of whom have paid hundreds of dollars for this ticket (and have a season of them) , beneath the bright lights, in the freezing cold, surrounded by $10 special hot chocolate cups, $8 beers, and small private suites which have crowded full bars, big TVs and a real Las Vegas feel, you become conscious of a few things which are both obvious and, to me, unpleasant; (i) sports is a big, greedy, business; (ii) the players are highly-paid, highly-skilled entertainers, and (iii) many fans, particularly now that the prices have gotten so high, are demanding consumers, some of whom look to the highly-paid, highly-skilled players to act out their own (slightly impotent) macho instincts.
You can’t blame the players for the business aspect, and you really can’t blame them for taking advantage of the big bucks. Many of them grew up in poor or working class families and have worked incredibly hard to hone their skills. (Mariano Rivera apparently practiced pitching rocks as a child.) In fact, it’s amazing to me that so many players are so genuinely devoted to the game, so genuinely excited by their victories, so seemingly tolerant of their team members.
You can’t blame the fans (or at least some of them) for acting like consumers, getting irritated not just when their team is losing, but because the show is not up to the high admission price.
But because the amounts of money involved are so large, something has gotten very out of whack. And strangely enough, it almost makes the TV experience feel like the truer sport experience, simply because the audience there hasn’t paid hundreds of dollars for its seat and doesn’t have to look at signs that say things like “Make Noise,” and “Win It For the Boss” (meaning George Steinbrenner.)
The game can also be watched on TV even by those folks getting off in the Bronx, before the stadium is reached.
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