When Morning Comes
When Morning Comes
When morning comes, and night’s goodbyes
turn out to have been lullabies,
sweetnesses to help you sleep,
not passwords to God’s safest keep,
our farewells just sussurant sighs,
the dawn still greeted by your cloud eyes,
warmth not slipped from your loose prise–
Oh, then, how does our luck run deep,
when morning comes.
And then life leaves. As mid-day plies.
And what feels random wears fate’s guise.
And all we said was incomplete,
was nothing of all that we now weep,
when mourning comes.
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Here’s my attempt at a Rondeau, written for Tony Maude’s prompt on dVerse Poets Pub’s Form For All. It’s a very musical form with a limited rhyme scheme and a repeated refrain. (It also has a set meter which I just vaguely sounded out here.)
To me, the refrain gives the form a rather dirgelike, knelling bell, aspect. (This may also come from the fact that probably the most famous rondeau is “In Flanders Fields” written by John McCrae about World War I.) Check out Tony’s wonderful article for more info on the form.
I should note that I am very uncertain of the title here. I was going to call it Death In the Afternoon or When Morning Comes or Death During the Day, or Taking Care of the Very Ill. . Any thoughts?
Explore posts in the same categories: poetryTags: Death Always a Surprise even when most expected, Death In the Afternoon, manicddaily, poem about grief, Rondeau, the unexpected weight of grief, When Morning/Mourning comes
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ManicDDaily 
October 24, 2013 at 9:28 pm
smiles…full of nice sounds….you got a nice cadence going…its been a hard week of death on my end…we are lucky to great another day…and if we remembered it i wonder how it would impact how we spend them you know…smiles.
October 24, 2013 at 9:30 pm
You are very right. I meant this in the context of a sick person. But I have been thinking a lot of your plight in particular and I think it would impact our lives greatly if we were as cognizant of life’s fragility as we should be. k.
October 24, 2013 at 9:30 pm
Very sad–the twist on the refrain works well. I think it serves the poem well to have the title “When Morning Comes.” The positive connotations of the coming morning are thwarted by death, making what is usually a good thing into a source of grief. Nicely done!
October 24, 2013 at 10:07 pm
Oh this is very nicely done – like how you put this rondeau together!
October 24, 2013 at 10:16 pm
admire the twist from title to final; melodic; well-spun ~ M
October 24, 2013 at 10:22 pm
Thanks, M.
October 24, 2013 at 10:17 pm
Death hovering in the morning/mourning…seems I know a song Death In the Afternoon by a very talented artist..
October 24, 2013 at 10:22 pm
yes, it feels familiar to me. I should check. I want anyway to convey the idea of someone ill, so should perhaps work that in better–illness, that is. Thanks. k.
October 24, 2013 at 11:50 pm
So great imager here Karin. Interweaves the sad tale with the darkness of night and the coming of dawn… I understand your challenge in naming it… Very nice on the form
October 25, 2013 at 12:55 am
I really liked where this went and how you changed morning to mourning.
October 25, 2013 at 1:18 am
I would probably vote for Death in the Afternoon. I like the subtle twist of the refrain line at the end.
October 25, 2013 at 2:18 am
This is fabulous, k. That slight alteration in the refrain – only obvious in the written version – is wonderful.
With regard to the title, I Remember</i(Death in the Afternoon) is a song by Ultravox. I’d go with When Morning Comes – it’s such a good refrain that it deserves to be the title too.
October 25, 2013 at 6:04 am
Thanks, Tony. Changed title. I feel like I’d like to convey the idea of taking care of someone ill, but maybe the poem could work on a more general level. In my mind, I was thinking of the very ill though so maybe it would be clearer to convey that in the title. Not sure.
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October 25, 2013 at 2:25 am
This is so good Karin and the melody sings. I’d go with When Morning Comes too.
Anna :o]
October 25, 2013 at 4:58 am
The truth of life, we have to face.
October 25, 2013 at 5:53 am
Lovely cadence when I read this K ~ The twist on the morning/mourning was creative & I do like the title refrain ~
October 25, 2013 at 7:32 am
Rondeau and rondelle are both musical and somehow solemn forms for me–I like your unusual rhymes here (prise, with its double meaning, etc–that stanza is just exquisite) and while the cadence has some slight irregularity, that seems to fit the seriousness, as well as the dreamlike quality of the subject. I like it that the poem is general enough to lead to all kinds of letting go’s and goodbyes including/besides death, and like the title When Morning Comes also–besides the echoing of the refrain, it also leads the mind to keep playing with the thought of morning morphing to mourning, of the freshness of life wearing off, or being taken from us in the work of living and dying. (Bonus points for ‘sussurant,’ too–great word!)
October 25, 2013 at 10:36 am
Thanks–I fear I overuse sussurant or variations as I like the word so much. It is interesting to me that when I read the poem now, I can see that it can be interpreted more broadly (which is, of course, a good thing) –when I wrote it , I was thinking very specfically of illness. k.
October 25, 2013 at 8:50 am
Oh, an absolutely beautiful play on words. This has taken me back (but in a different way now) to the evening my dad passed, in the summer. You know, I think he would have liked this poem. That last stanza… words fail me. Thank you.
October 25, 2013 at 9:06 am
Thank you, Freya. I was thinking of my own father’s death in writing it. K.
October 25, 2013 at 4:58 pm
Of course. Wishing you peace and love. xo
October 25, 2013 at 10:12 am
What a beautiful ending: “And all we said was incomplete,
was nothing of all that we now weep,
when mourning comes.” Many thanks.
Greetings from London.
October 25, 2013 at 10:21 am
Thank you. k.
On Fri, Oct 25, 2013 at 11:12 AM, ManicDDaily
October 25, 2013 at 11:10 am
love what you did with the form here…the turn made from glad to sad is a unique trait in much of your work; the ability to make your poem more meaningful and full, as opposed to an empty one…;)
October 25, 2013 at 11:30 am
Thanks so much for your very kind comment. k.
On Fri, Oct 25, 2013 at 12:10 PM, ManicDDaily
October 25, 2013 at 12:47 pm
AbsoLUTEly beautiful,, and I loved the change from morning to mourning in the final stanza. I love the rhythm of this wonderful rondeau enough to MAYBE give one a try:)
October 25, 2013 at 12:51 pm
You should! I did not use a rhyming dictionary, but I tend to make some lists of rhymes on the side of a page. There are many common rhyming words–so that is helpful! Thanks, Sherry. k.
October 25, 2013 at 4:25 pm
Karin, this is beautiful!
October 25, 2013 at 5:54 pm
(final jeopardy music playing in the back ground, twirling thumbs, dozing off)
Counselor…. I think you had better ask for a postponement .
Karin…. The back door is unlocked
🙂
October 25, 2013 at 6:32 pm
Ha. Probably! K.
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October 25, 2013 at 6:43 pm
Your rhythm reinforces your words and increases the drama. Well done.
October 25, 2013 at 8:57 pm
Beautiful!
October 26, 2013 at 8:41 am
How gorgeous that the gratitude for morning eventually sooths the mourning The way you set that gem here is very convincing. Not only Seize the Day, but Notice it. Thank you.
October 26, 2013 at 9:16 pm
Thank you, Susan. k.
October 26, 2013 at 11:45 am
Love the duality here and the flow… Also like the title!
Seems fitting for a new birth after death eh?
October 28, 2013 at 1:50 am
i loved the way you flipped the refrain from mornign to moerning. so much said in that one transition!