Posted tagged ‘Robert Pattinson calendar’

One Reason I like Yoga Better Than Benchpressing

July 20, 2010

Trying Handstand in Middle of Floor

I have a hard time standing up straight.  This is not totally a function of age.  I remember the father of a good friend coming up behind me as a teenager and jabbing a knuckle into the middle of my spine.  I’m not sure if this was a sign of my closeness to this particular family, or his abhorrence of slouching. All I can say is that his own kids had excellent posture.

My current style of yoga, which manages to be both speedy and desultory at once, does not do that much to relieve the natural compression of my spine.    (Part of the problem is that standing up straight takes not just flexibility but strength and attention and speed yoga tends to sidestep these.)  That said, the one yoga posture that I find almost instantly makes me straighter, taller, perkier, is a handstand.  They are just wonderful – for the inside of the solar plexus as well as the out;  they seem to literally take a weight off of your chest; they illuminate the momentary lightness of being.

Unfortunately, I don’t do enough of them.  In my home yoga practice, they rely upon the shutting of a particular door—this requires moving my voluminous yoga mats, taking down the Robert Pattinson calendar which hangs about the place my feet reach, and then too, the Tibetan Thangka which some embarrassed family member has hung over the Robert Pattinson calendar.   This is a laborious operation, which does not fit into my daily speed yoga routine.

I could try some handstands in the middle of the floor or on another wall, but you’d be surprised (i) how intimidating it can be do to a handstand in the middle of the floor—when you are afraid of falling, it’s very hard to kick up; and (ii) how hard it is to find good wall and kicking space in the average New York City apartment.

So right now I’m in Florida.  By the beach.  At my parents’ house.  I tend to take a break from yoga practice at my parents’ – partly because I am pre-occupied and partly because I don’t like doing yoga indoors in airconditioning, or outside on a concrete patio.  The beach is also not great –too sunny, too uneven.

But today, my spine just couldn’t take it anymore.   I cartwheeled in the surf.  Then, despite the lack of wall, I kicked up into numerous sort-of handstands.  (A manic nature and extreme short-sightedness are very useful in these endeavors.  It ‘s kind of a variation on the possible silence of a tree falling in the deserted forest—if you can’t see the people looking at you, is that truly the sound of snickering? )

For a few brief moments, I could feel my solar plexus bloom like a flower on high-speed film, my spine correspondingly straighten.

I’m sure there are gym exercises that give this same feeling of upper back strength.  Push-ups?  Bench-presses?  But I am afraid that all I could bench press would be an empty iron pole, which would be kind of, you know, ignominious, while a handstand—a handstand—has a both inner and outer glory.  With or without a wall.   Or watchers.

Boxing Day – Checking Up On Robert Pattinson

December 26, 2009

December 26th, Boxing Day, which is not, as one might expect, a day for finally hashing out all of the tension that has been building over Christmas (but which one felt compelled by the very fact of Christmas not to hash out.)  (Oh, wait, maybe that compulsion was not quite strong enough.)

Whatever.  The “boxing” in Boxing Day actually refers to boxes.  In England and Commonwealth countries, December 26th was traditionally the day in which presents were exchanged particularly with the “worthy but less worthy” people in one’s life, servants, trades people, slightly more distant friends, rather than on Christmas itself which was reserved for family, religion, and eating.

In the U.S., many devote Boxing Days to frantic sales shopping, to acquiring boxes, I guess.

But since I’m not much of a shopper, I’ve always viewed the day as a time of ultimate, luxurious, relaxation, a day which is far less regimental than Christimas, but still has a lot of festive food hanging about—panetone, figs, gingerbread, slightly wilted champagne.

Nowadays, presents from friends, rather than family, are typically given before rather than on Boxing Day.  The very best one I got this year, from a follower of this blog, was a Robert Pattinson calendar.    The calendar cover shows Rob pushing back his trademark hair so that a slightly enlarged vein shows on one-side of his forehead.  (The vein is somehow vampiric, although I’m not sure if it’s the type of thing that would be typical of vampires, or attractive to them.)

Rob has been conspicuously absent from the public scene of late, and even from this blog.   First, Rob seems to be trying hard to lay low.  (He must be exhausted.)   Secondly, his appearance in New Moon was enough to dose many people for a long long while.  (No offense, Rob.  The lines, the stiltedness, all those animatronic wolves, aren’t really your fault.)

There have been stories, of course; a whole industry has been built on Rob Pattinson stories, and it can’t wind down on a dime.  The biggest was how Rob “freaked out” when one fan jumped out of a car to kiss him, and then confessed that her mom had tried to stop her because she had Swine Flu.   (Frankly, I don’t think it’s fair to call Rob getting irritated over this “freaking out.”)

Also, Rob went to a birthday party and was photographed getting a ride afterword with Katy Perry (and others), and was immediately declared to be Perry’s lover.  (The next day he was disowned by Perry who tweeted that she doesn’t “do vampires.”)

He was also reported to be wooing Emilie de Ravin (costar in “Remember Me”) with high culture because they had a photo session in an LA museum.

Despite his reduced appearance on the tabloids, Rob was voted the man girls would most like to find under the mistletoe.  Ever the gentleman (and I actually mean this), he responded to an interviewer’s question as to whom he would most like to find under the mistletoe with a giggle, and  “Ricky Gervais.”  This was reported under the blockbuster headline, “Robert Pattinson Reveals His Fantasy ‘Under The Mistletoe’ Kiss.”

Boxing Day, the kind of day that gives you the leisure to look into such important matters.


Ten Signs That You Need To Change Something In Your Life

December 10, 2009

1.  You wake up wishing you had a very mild case of swine flu.

2.  Despite the two cups of tea, your energy doesn’t kick in till you notice your (old) dog pooping on the carpet.

3.  After the clean-up, you do speed yoga, convincing yourself that it’s on the frontier between relaxation techniques and aerobics.

4.  Your subway ride (only three stops on the express) is the most restful time of your day. (It somehow beats out the speed yoga.)

5.  You re-read vampire novels as you walk from the subway to your office.  You are more concerned about being seen by a co-worker than being hit by a car.

6.  As you get your first cup of work tea, you can’t help thinking that even a mild case might be okay.

7.  After your fourth cup, you are tense enough that, when you get a call from your apartment building, your first thought is that your (old) dog has died.  You know that doesn’t make sense—(would the corpse smell already?)  And yet you can’t help picturing fur leaking out from under your door.  (Yech.)

8.  You are too busy to check Robert Pattinson news even just one time.

9.  Though when someone gives you (for Christmas) a Robert Pattinson calendar, it really makes your day.

10.  You take the local home, happy for the extra stops.