Archive for March 2014

Colony Collapsed

March 11, 2014

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Colony Collapsed

To bee or not to bee?
That’s a question
we seem to have answered here
where there is no sting,
where our victory is
so grave and where
we buzz buzz buzz.

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Sadly my computer is on the blink (or not blink–it’s dark) so posting from iPhone. Luckily, the challenge is to write something with less than 140 characters excluding spaces–micro-poetry for a macro photograph. This is for Shanyn Silinski at dverse poets pub. Shanyn has beautiful pictures of bees which I could not get to load on my phone so I’m using one of my own pics. Check out dverse for Shanyn’s beautiful albums.

PS Poor bees.

Poppies ( Excerpt From “Nice” – Flash Fiction? )

March 9, 2014

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Poppies

It seemed forever.  It was forever.  Through the cornfields and the gas stations and the Stuckey signs, and, as the sky darkened, the occasional smell of skunk.

He felt very sad beneath the darkening sky, certain that love was not for him.

It wasn’t the pimples.

(A doctor pulls a string from a woman’s ear, the string tighter and tighter until the doctor has to strain, until  plop–a large bouquet of roses tumbles out.

“I say,” the doctor says, “where did those come from?”

“How should I know?” the woman says.  “Show me the card.”)

What he felt was that he would never be that woman.

How could he think such things?  Stupid riddles, women, flowers.  It made him furious.  It wasn’t what he meant.  It had nothing to do with any of it.

This is what he doubted–that anyone–a girl–would just take him, put his head upon her lap–he pictured an ad for a Swedish movie:  the man pretending to rest, his hair stroked back, his head cradled, loved, it seemed, just for laying there like a log.

The turquoise upholstery scraped the backs of his arms like fish scales; maybe he was allergic to something, his chest a too-tight balloon.

He looked at Les who looked out the window.  The forever flat wings of the turnpike.

In France, there were poppies along the roadsides.  He’d seen pictures of them, a kid in his class who’d gone to France and posed, one in her hair–

Les would be like that, he thought.  No matter what happened, she’d put this big red poppy in her hair, smile for the camera.

No, it was really his mother who’d be like that, his mother with Les, gathering poppies for her hair, sticking one behind Les’ ear, fixing it, repeatedly.

He imagined himself pitching out of the car, bopping around between tires with his hands up over his face as they stood there, practicing their poses.

He smiled.

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I was inspired by the wonderful (and completely different) poem Sleepsong Of the Poppies by Hedgewitch/Joy Anne Jones, and the beautiful picture she posted by Vandy Massey, to think of poppies.  This brought up this short excerpt from the novel I’ve been working on called Nice.   This is an excerpt from right smack in the middle (I’m sorry never to start in the beginning! )  It is told from the voice of a teenage boy, at this point on a car trip with his family, and disturbed about certain thoughts about his sister.  The story takes place in the summer of 1968.   (I am hoping this qualifies as “flash fiction.”)

The picture above was actually made by my mother, Phyllis M. Gustafson, on my iPad.  She is 90 years old.

 

Flicked Off

March 8, 2014

“Doug’s Watch” by Vandy Massey

Flicked Off

He collected pocket watches and was a real bastard.

His wife–a widow before they married–always sighed- oh he just likes to have things his own way–until she woke to a too-loud tinkle of glass.

Turned out to be a woman in khaki, boxing up her medicine cabinet for the moving van.  (From Mayflower she was; name of Nina.)

The wife, discovering then he’d left her, sat, shocked, back on the bed.

I would like to say he’d snored but she never really recovered.

She was a proud woman, vanity part of her make-up.

Only it was a made-up vanity–sure, she moued in mirrors–dimples deep as a wink–pivoted with hand on hip when she tried on clothes, liked shoes–but the truth was she just couldn’t feel herself without feeling pretty; and she could not feel pretty unless a man thought so; and though she’d smile, laughing, at just about any stubbled nod–it had to be a man of worth to give her worth, for she’d been poor, young, her first husband sick for years, and nothing makes a warm soft glow like gold.

He gave no reason for leaving, though he’d never given much.  Not even one of the many many pocket watches.

Then she, amazingly quickly and well before her time, just wound down.

So sad–she, a kind person, despite the posing, never speaking ill of anyone, and with the cutest smile.

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I don’t know exactly what flash fiction is but here’s an attempt for Grace’s prompt on With Real Toads to write something (a poem or flash fiction less than 250 words) responding to the wonderful watercolors of Vandy Massey.  More of Vandy’s wonderful work can be seen at With Real Toads and on Vandy’s website.  Sales of her work support a military charity called Care for Casualties.     

My apologies to Doug–whose watch this is a painting of, according to Vandy’s title.  

Giving a Minute Its Five Cents Worth

March 7, 2014

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Giving a Minute Its Five Cents Worth

We try so hard to save the day,
might better worry
how to spend it.

Me, I’ve stored too many–
days projected dry
lain away against the rainy;
hours wadded
like the folded storm bonnets
women used to keep
in their snapped-shut bags;

imagine hosts
of halcyon years–sheaves of wheat
that bow beneath warm skies–
freedom still to come, always–
while I’m feeding this here minute
into a slot cold
as a nickel.

Manifesto: roam fingers
over sides
before slotting;
feel for buffalo.

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Here’s a belated poem for Gay Reiser Cannon’s post on dVerse Poets Pub to write a poetic manifesto–mine is not exactly about poetry, but good, perhaps, for a coin collector.  (Ha.)

For those who are not from the U.S., a buffalo nickel is an old style nickel–with a buffalo on one side–they often tend to be fairly valuable. 

Awake to Mistakes, Post-Midnight (and Friday Flash 55)

March 6, 2014

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Awake to Mistakes, Post-Midnight

I’ve done it
all wrong.
Everything–and that–
and, Jesus–that too–
How could I be
such an idiot–
They will know, see–

Sky and night,
God, ceiling,
just take me now–
You who’ve let me ape
a somehow someone,
make earth my new mask,
its cold clay clods
my cover.

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Here’s a poem for Mama Zen’s Word’s Count on With Real Toads–the prompt to write something under 60 words about insomnia–or what you think of when insomniac– Since this is exactly 55 words, I am also posting for the wonderful G-Man–it is never a mistake to do that–

PS–I appreciate that the drawing/photo is best thing about this post! Poor elephant! (As always, all rights reserved.)

On Being Prompted (But Faced With Butter)

March 4, 2014

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On Being Prompted To Write About Poets’ Becoming, But Faced With Butter

Before me sit
two nipples and a cunt,
little pats of molded butter shaped
like daisies (the nipples)
and a rose–

These are not
why I became a poet
for I never had butter
till the 4th grade
when, at the home of a friend whose mother was French,
I woke up, exclaiming the smell.
The woman melted it
in her crepe pan,
remembering how the swirled cast iron
(as big as the world
bred with a daisy)
was the one thing she’d grabbed, running
from under rafters
during an earthquake–

but I just don’t feel a poet,
no matter the mold
of the butter,
poets being people who find,
like a beating pulse,
the interstices along time’s chain,
those blue beads of language imprismed
(though producing nothing so obvious
as a rainbow)
while I tend to get lost in the forest of narrative
(rarely seeing the forest
for the trees–)

I don’t even typically eat butter
having been molded by a childhood
in which I had none till the 4th grade
though I was granted nipples,
all right, and the you-know-what,
and too, a mind willing to bead with sweat
if not able to cast
transcendence,
certainly not into anything that might fit
inside a mouth, much less
not melt in it.

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Here’s a rather odd poem for Anthony Desmond’s prompt on dVerse Poets Pub (http://dversepoets.com) about one’s evolution as a poet. I confess that I do not feel like a poet! I am a prose writer mainly! But I do like poetry. Thanks, Anthony.

At the next table

March 3, 2014

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At the next table

At the next table, a woman says,
“If he comes to my funeral,
throw him out–
in the most public
way,”

I think of my luck–how even you
who I dreamed, at the worst,
bathed your hands in my
split torso,
balming your bits
with my blisters–
the wrong we rubbed–

how even all that
has puckered now
to a pin-pricking
of far caught stars, their collective
burn only sort of seen
in the over-arching onyx of age, skinned velvet.

The woman, who sits
with her children, or maybe two children
and one child’s mate, says, “I love you both,
but I do have power.”
Although, then–pause–as their side of the table
shifts back, she reaches out
a hand–“Sweetheart–”

You can see what she wants–
what she wants wholly
but cannot wholly give–
not enough, at least, to not want so much,
which is part of the giving–

Her face, just across
the white linen landscape,
makes me, for an instant,
want to weep for someone–
maybe her,
maybe them,
maybe you–

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A draft poem means just written.  I am posting belatedly for With Real Toads Open Link Night. 

Morning Song – Road Not Taken

March 2, 2014

Song below is really a solo.

Morning Song

I woke up this morning
like I wake up most days
wanting to see you
in the worst way.
But what I said then
I cannot unsay
when the road not taken
was washed away.

I think of your fingers.
I think of your hands.
They’re farther now
than the farthest of lands.
A heart that’s forsaken
is here for to stay,
while the road not taken
is washed away.

I scrub at that longing–
treat love like a stain.
Try to rinse out the wanting
those old times again.
But as long as I’m living,
I’ll relive that day
when the road not taken
was washed away.

I woke up this morning
with you on my mind
though it’s long ago now,
reached the end of that line.
Still I wished me so hard–
God help me I prayed–
for the road not taken
to wind back my way.

***********************
Here’s a re-write of an old song/ballad of mine, posted for Kerry O’Connor’s challenge on With Real Toads to write something relating to Robert Frost whose birthday is this month.  This poem is more country western than anything else (I even have sort of a mumbling tune in mind and hence the pic), but there is the Frosting of the road not taken.

Not Watched – From “Nice.”

March 1, 2014

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Many of you know that I have been working on the manuscript for a novel.  The book is called Nice.  Here’s an excerpt (taken from the very middle of the book) that I am posting for the prompt by Mary of dVerse Poets Pub on invisibility. The story takes place in the summer of 1968.  Photo above is of a light sculpture by Jason Martin.  (Sorry for length!)

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Every hour on the hour they had a fifteen minute rest period.  It was a time when all the screaming, splashing, marco poloing, stopped and grown-ups, with their strange dry strokes, puffy backs and silken bathing caps, swam slow laps.  You had to be over sixteen to stay in the water.

Like the other kids, Les sat along the edge of the pool, waiting for the whistle.  A boy with red hair, older than her but clearly below sixteen, slipped silently from the ledge across, and ducked beneath the water, his body an expanded wriggle beneath the blue.

She felt the whole poolside watching him, holding its collective breath till he pulled himself up onto the pool’s opposite side, head sleek as an otter, water shimmering down his back.  Everyone, in relief and pleasure, readjusted their bottoms, hid their smirks.  It was as if they had all fooled the guard.

Then Les felt herself alone again, herself the watched one.

She hadn’t talked to Arne all day, but she knew he had been keeping an eye on her,  even as he pretended not to.

What had she told him?  Why had she said anything?

It was because of the grass.  She’d heard him and Jasper talking about it when she’d been hiding in the bushes beside the patio.  She hadn’t meant to hear, she just had, and then when she went down there, she knew they had done it, the way they looked.  It was so crazy, Arne smoking grass, Arne, the math nerd.

She’d wondered whether maybe it meant that he was different from what she’d always thought; that maybe he was normal, human, someone she could actually talk to.

But it was stupid to think that.  Because he wasn’t any different.  He was the same old Arne.  And now she had said something to him, something stupid.

Bruce Beebee was at the pool too, Bruce from school.  Bruce, who didn’t even belong to that swimming pool, Bruce with a streak of white stuff down his nose, a deep tan everywhere else, sitting on a picnic table at the snack bar with his brother.  He was not directly looking at her either; yet she felt his looks all the same, and in his looks, she felt this change in herself, a change that showed as much as his thick white streak, only the streak looked almost cool, and she couldn’t think of herself as cool, not even this changed self.

She answered his not looking at her by not looking at him, crossing her arms over her chest, keeping her eyes down towards the water.

Arne hulked by Bruce’s brother.  She had forgotten that they knew each other, and Jasper too, and they were all standing or leaning on the picnic table talking, Jasper eating a frozen Snickers bar, Bruce listening to them, holding his tennis racket between his legs, two palms pressed against the racket part.

She wondered whether Arne was telling them something, telling them what she had said.

He wouldn’t–she knew he wouldn’t–and yet, with the echo of his telling in her mind, she couldn’t stand not looking at them any more, not being looked at in return, and she got up from the side of the pool and walked slowly towards the girls’ locker room, feeling in the boys’ not-looks the pucker of her bathing suit inside her buttocks, and she hurried her walk a little, though she still aimed for nonchalance, not wanting to reach down and tug the suit loose, not with them not watching.

The locker room was immediately cool.  It smelled of wet paint and wet toilet paper and dank chlorinated concrete, all tinged with Coppertone.  She sat down on a short blue bench by a wall of wooden cubby holes.  The surface of the bench was knobby with repeated paint jobs.  She ran her finger over a speckled place that someone had already started to peel.

How could she go back to school in the fall? She hadn’t even thought about that part.  Her mom might not notice anything, but kids would.

Now two older girls burst in, falling over each other through the bright doorway, the flesh of their stomachs rolling over their bikinis.

‘Did you see that?’ they laughed, ‘what he did?’ ‘I almost died.’

They laughed themselves to the mirror, which for a moment, they seemed to embrace. They were closer there, their warm baby oil seeping over her.  Then the dark-haired girl dug into an open cubby and, finding a tube of lipstick behind some rolled-up cut-offs, coated her lips in ghostly lavender.

The other girl, whose hair was lighter, messed with a brown paper bag folded around a half lemon.  Leaning against the mirror, she pulled one side of hair back above her ears and squeezed juice over it, combing as she squeezed and picking at the pulp and seeds that clung to the wet strands.

“Jesus, this stuff is shit; does it look horrible?” she said.

“No more than usual,” the dark-haired girl said.

The other scowled.

“Just kidding,” the dark-haired one laughed.  “Come on, it just looks a little wet; that’s all.”

They re-tied each other’s bikini tops.  As one tied, the other looked at herself in the mirror, trying out a selection of smiles.  Beneath the smiles, the floating triangles of cloth re-centered themselves.

Les looked down at the bench, conscious of her own breasts.  Nothing like these girls, but different from what they had been, no longer a simple ribcage of breath.

Could she tell them?  It would be like telling her friends, only they weren’t her friends, so it would be better.  She would never have to talk to them again.

“This really weird thing happened to me–” she could say.

She tried to imagine them leaning into her like they leaned into the mirror.

‘Some people might think it was cool,’ she could say.

Leaning into her, listening to her, not even noticing after a bit that she was actually one of the younger kids.

She would like that.