Posted tagged ‘manicddaily’

Spuyten-Duyvil

December 10, 2013

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I ride the trainline on which the tragic tragic MetroNorth accident occurred just after Thanksgiving. I had ridden the northbound line since the accident, but yesterday was my first ride going south, towards the City. Here is a pic I took shortly past the site of the accident. I confess I was not thinking about it directly, but more about the beauty of the snow until I realized how dramatically the train had slowed. The picture was taken in color and has not been edited in any way. (For those who do not know, this is at the edge of the Bronx.)

Sad Something

December 9, 2013

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Some of the things that happen when you put a dog down.

You become conscious, in the middle of the injections, that there is no going back.

How soft their bodies are, as the vet turns them over, in the case of a small body, looking for a vein.  And warm.  Even that fur that got so matted as they aged, that you could not torment with brushing any more or too many baths.

You realize, looking, that one reason you have always loved the dog is simply because it is beautiful—-even a dog not at its best–and how amazing it is, if you have not always felt beautiful in yourself, to have this beautiful creature love you back.

It fell asleep in your arms, what with the sedative, and is not in pain now and maybe you should run away with it before they give the death solution.

But how long it seems to breathe, its veins collapsed so the solution does not carry.  The doctor says you might want to look away as he points the needle at the heart itself.  He is kind but in a hurry.

You do turn away, thinking of the two women in the parking lot earlier–an old lady who looked half like a fairy tale godmother, half like a gnome, short squat her face all pink and dimples wearing a large turquoise cape, which may have been meant for hip length but descended to the ground.  A bit odd-looking but not unattractive but then her daughter (I’m guessing) who got out of the car too seemed to have inherited all the gnome aspects with none of the boppity boo- her hunched shoulders leading straight into shrunken hips, actually her head leading straight into shrunken hips–her body seeming almost a cork with facial features painted on and stuck black hair–but she smiled, she hugged the old lady, she laughed, and in the midst of their good-bye, she pulled from one of the cars a perfect Papillon–well, that kind of dog always looks pretty perfect, what with the symmetrically stroked fur, and heart-pointed face/muzzle, and the cork woman held the dog above her own tubed face, beaming love, and the dog looked down from her grasp, beaming uncritical, if slightly distracted, cuteness, and then the dog was brought to the face of the old boppity-boo woman who smiled, playing with its paws, and to the driver’s window where some similar loving interaction happened even just through a crack in the glass–oh such enthusiastic happiness–until the cork woman finally took the dog back to her own car where she and the perfectly beautiful being that attends her in a way that, you know, a human Papillon might not, drove off into the muted distance.

And my poor little still-soft dog, who has done that for me, lies now on the metal table which has these clouds on it, smears from being wiped down through long-pawed days– and they ask do I have something to hold her in, and I say yes, pointing to a cloth bag, but they suggest plastic–bringing a dark garbage sack, which my face must say is too much, but the nurse mumbles something about leakage and how I can always take her out again and I thank her and even help hold wide its dark lip as we slip the dog inside, so that it–and now I’ll say she–for she was a girl dog–stays even, and so when I do take the dark plastic in my own lone arms, I can be sure that what feels like the head is held higher than the rest, the way that one might hold a child, or anyone truly.

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So sorry to burden readers with this–many know I lost my 18 year old dog just after Thanksgiving–and am still thinking of it–a short prosey drafty piece.  

Balanced (Even in December)

December 8, 2013

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Through the Crinkly Boots

December 7, 2013

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When I put on my boots this morning, they felt really cold and crinkly.

I remembered that the last time I wore them I tried to hike over a stream.

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I think the correct word is “ford.”

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But I only had my own two feet, which have a lot less traction than most tires.  Especially modern ones .

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I kind of wished I’d put on my special thick socks, with the super cool stripes, but, hey, the boots were laced up already.

And after I wore them around the house a while either they relaxed or my feet grew crinkly.  Either way, they felt more or less in sync.

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Then I went outside.

Have you ever felt your toes get cold?  Have you ever NOT felt your toes get cold?

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As I trudged around, I thought about my special thick socks sitting so cozily in my drawer, their cool stripes useless in its darkness.

20131207-200033.jpgBut I kept trudging.

No-toes and all

Tree trunks striping the snow,

but my feet in frozen solids.

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I am linking the above to the dVerse Poets Pub prompt by the wonderful Claudia Schoenfeld to write something about Through the Looking Glass/ Alice in Wonderland and/or Advent.  I’m not sure this fits but it is what I have done!

(All rights in the pictures, such as they are, as well as the text are mine, and cannot be reproduced without permission.  Thanks! )

Happy Saturday and do check out the other wonderful poets at dVerse.

Blue (in 55)

December 7, 2013

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Blue

Blue, I think in cobalt.

Cerulean smiles. Prussian, well, takes charge.

But cobalt colors waves’ sink, glass pretending darkness
will save it from break, the near-night sky,

I do not know
how the footfalls of approaching night
are found in rock salt, sindered.
Only that, when sky fixes
in the buried, oceans are
unearthed.

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Cobalt is a wonderful deep blue made of salts of alumina, sindered, meaning heated very hot. It is used in making pigments, but also for a deep blue glass, and the blues in Chinese porcelain. Cerulean and Prussian are other blues–55 packed into one for the G-man--also for Sam Peralta of dVerse Poets Pub.

Pearl

November 30, 2013
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August 30, 1995–November 30, 2013
(Yes, she could look sort of goofy sometimes.)

Even in my extremely sad state, I admit that Pearl may not objectively have been the best dog in the world.  But she was the best dog in the world for us.

No, she was not particularly obedient.  Although she knew certain commands–well, two commands–she would only perform them if she was convinced there was cheese on offer.

Even so, she knew exactly what her family needed in a dog–and that she unstintingly gave.

Her family needed a dog who could live in a small apartment, who could be trusted never to destroy anything or (except under really impossible circumstances) have an accident; a dog who made all of New York City feel like a friendly place because she elicited so many smiles, hellos, warm feelings.

Her family needed a dog who understood that they really were not all that interested in playing fetch but found great companionship in a dog who, pretending to be resting completely independently, budged up her warm rump against them while they lay in bed reading.

Her family needed a dog who could travel by public transportation, who practically jumped into her little traveling bag when a trip was in the offing–anything rather than be left behind–and quietly allowed herself to be squeezed under plane seats, train seats, restaurant chairs, even through the side doors of more than one hotel.

Pearl was foolishly loyal–diving after us into mountain streams (though she hated swimming);  trooping after us into blackberry brambles (though she always got snagged); charging along on hikes (though truly, she preferred the porch.)     

What her family (or at least one of them) needed most of all was to feel loved.  This need Pearl fulfilled on a daily basis, sweetly, nobly, companionably, and with great and infectious joy.

And when it became clear that one of her owners also needed help with her writing, Pearl not only provided endless inspiration, but, when things got rough, took the matter into her own teeth.

She will be very sorely missed.

Early Morning Poem for Pearl

November 29, 2013

iPhone drawing based on old Pearl–meaning young Pearl–new pictures of her (18) don’t really do her justice

Early Morning Poem For Pearl

Sun winks gold pink
at the freeze’s peaked rim, every edge below
a ledge for white, all
snow-furred.
I hold the old dog, whitish,
also hinting pink.  She trembles
even back in the house; heart sinks
in the holding.
In this stilled valley,
all that moves–the trembling dog,
the pinking light, my heart.

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55 words for Pearl (and also for the G-Man).  She is nearly 18 1/2 and really getting decrepit.  It is sad in ways that a person who’s not owned a dog may find difficult to fathom.  

I post a picture of Pearl below though she looks terribly bedraggled.  It is torturous to her to mess around too much with her grooming at this stage in her life. 

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Ode To Black And White Film (Photographic)

November 28, 2013

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Ode To Black And White Film (Photographic)

I.

You turn spider veins
below the one-piece to
inroads into
the intimate,
make pimples spots
almost capable of coupling
with the word “beauty;”

wrinkles, under your auspices, shape
a face
like the tentative tries of
the sketch artist,
while the cross-hatch of liver stains
grants depth.

All skin,
no matter the shade,
turns as velvet in your grip
as Colbert’s (Claudette):
all grins claim Clark Gable
as their close kin.

II.

Old names fit
because we enter
another age
between your frames–
time turns back
to a when we mourn
for its lost grandeur,
at least simplicity.

Then one pictures
the harsh-bright hunch of shoulders/breasts/bellies
lined up beside the charcoal-wooled SS;
the black and white stripes of
limbed kindling–

Sheriffs’ belts in the South, the highlit teeth
of snarl, blinding shirts over backs
beaten–

III.

Maybe what we miss is a time when man,
for all his good and cruelty,
operated the machine, the machine
that now runs us–

Maybe what we imagine in your
stilled life
is the machine turned off,
maybe what we hear
in your dark/light are whole minutes
as buzz-free as forests covering with snow,
lost streets pooling in lamplight–

IV.

But even before the machine,
there was a kaching-ching-ching
beneath most human doings,
gold that worked
its own gradations,
sometimes even
posed for its picture.

In its portraits, the ermine borders have spots
frequently, and the strands of fur can almost
be counted.

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Forgive me for the length of this very very drafty all-over-the-place poem, written for Kerry O’Connor’s prompt on With Real Toads to write poetry in black and white.  The idea, explained  beautifully by Kerry, was to write something using various types of contrast, and not necessarily about black and white photography.  My literal brain had a hard time with it, though it really is an excellent prompt.  Check it out! 

The above photograph is not black and white, but it has a very monochromatic feel (and in the distance are forests covering with snow.) 

Happy Thanksgiving–Pleasing the Crowd

November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving – you can’t please everyone.

Or maybe you can.

Happy Thanksgiving.

This is a reposting of older watercolors–so sorry if you’ve seen already.  Pearl is still in this world–over 18–I am very thankful for that and so much else (especially your visits and your own work.)   Take care.

Aftershock (November ‘63 – Kennedy’s Funeral, Washington, D.C.; Ruby Shoots Oswald, Dallas)

November 24, 2013

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Aftershock
(November ‘63 – Kennedy’s Funeral, Washington, D.C.; Ruby Shoots Oswald, Dallas)

The black horse resisting its prance,
the turned-back boots, the sense of legs
invisible, and those thin red stripes
at the sides of the uniform
not there,
though there were uniforms
between the sheen
of metal, tears,
pale sun;
legs too, dark grey
as those trees they have in Washington
whose leaves always look turned
the wrong way out.

The stripes now gold
in memory, and maybe were some blur
of caisson; wheels so black
they blanched the avenue,
slow as the word ‘inexorable’.

A terrible hush of waiting,
even after the black bulk passed, for what would happen next,
save us,
my face stuck with the coats,
everything wool but my mother’s hand, and she,
not able to look down–

On the way home–and this did not compare, but still
was special–
we stopped at McDonald’s,
and it really did have arches you could park beside
like the screen of a drive-in movie; and the day
seemed almost to open, a sign touting all the burgers ever sold,
which then read 4
(millions or billions–I never was quite sure)–
till my Dad turned on the radio
over our grease-spotted wrappers–

The voice was back
in Dallas, and my mother repeated after it Jack Ruby? as shocked
as if Ruby were someone she actually knew, as if it were some acquaintance
who’d done something
so unheard of
(though of course she did not know Ruby,
though it was only America she thought she knew)
and every single line on her face darkened
like nightfall or a drawing of dulled lead–

The way she acted,
Oswald’s death seemed almost as important as Kennedy’s, as Kennedy himself
being shot, which I couldn’t understand–
but she stood up from the car, hand on her curled-hair head,
then sunk to her seat again, leaning away from the upholstery
the scaled blue-green of a 60s mermaid, leaning
into the parking lot–

Oh my God, she said–what is–and I kept thinking of that dark horse
whose flanks shone like lightning as it pulled back–happening–
and of the spider quiver of muscle
inside those flanks–
to this country?

And not a one of us–my big brother, me,
my Dad–said anything for a while.

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My apologies to all who are saturated with remembrances of the events surrounding John F. Kennedy’s assassination.  I do not have a TV!  (Too many reasons to explain.)  So I’m a bit out of the loop with all the coverage.

I grew up in DC and attended both Kennedy’s inauguration and funeral. I was a very young child and do not remember much, but since I’ve been thinking about it, I thought I’d jot down some of what I came up with it.

I am linking this to the open link nights of both dVerse Poets Pub and With Real Toads. I feel a bit behind with the season but have been working a great deal so have had little free time.  Take care, and thanks all for your kind visits and wonderful inspiration.