That it’s not four days.
(Check out 1 Mississippi, also by Karin Gustafson, if you like elephants, and sleep.)
That it’s not four days.
(Check out 1 Mississippi, also by Karin Gustafson, if you like elephants, and sleep.)
Too cold for dogs, elephants, ManicDDaily.
If you like your elephants warmer, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson.
Between a rock and a hard place. A universal locale. One we’ve all visited. Where some of us even live.
One reason I’m enamored of the Southern Vampire series (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood novels) is that Sookie frequently finds herself in such a position. (Frankly, even being in one of her vampire lover’s arms is such a place, given the marble musculature, and all that business with the fangs.)
One of the series’ most classic rock-and-hard-place moments occurs in Altogether Dead, when Andre, chief aide-de-camp of the Vampire Queen of Louisiana, demands a blood exchange with Sookie to ensure her loyalty to the Queen. (Another thing I like about the books is their complete silliness.) Before Andre can force Sookie to take his blood, the dynamic and debonairly handsome vampire Eric Northman appears, and persuades Andre that he should be the substitute blood exchangee, since he too is a minion of the Queen of Louisiana. Eric then must convince Sookie that exchanging blood with him is her best shot, the lesser of two evils.
What a dilemma. Sookie must choose between the dry, calculating, mean, Andre and the super-sexy, protective, and ruthless but loving, Eric Northman. (Did I mention spoiler alert that Eric is also wealthy, constantly giving Sookie things like a new driveway, a new coat, and a new cell phone?)
Talk about escapism. Sookie’s choice between a rock and hard place is a bit like a choice between Death Valley in a heat wave and a cliff jump into an exhilarating stream.
In the non-fictional world, unfortunately, our hard choices tend to be a bit more murky (a choice, say, between this sick feeling in our stomach and that sick feeling in our stomach), and it is hard to embue them with a sense of excitement.
Note that my mention of stomach feelings. This may be because I tend to view a decisive step as something that turns my stomach (in the aforementioned sickly way), rather than churns it (with a feel of adventure). The problem is that I seem generally convinced that there is an absolutely right choice, and that that choice, undoubtedly, hasn’t even crossed my mind. This aggrandizes the making of a decision in an awful way– I am not only deciding an immediate issue; I am being subjected to a test–of my decision-making capacity, my wisdom, my worth as a human being.
Since I’m still in New Year’s resolution mode, I ask myself what to do about this problem. How does one turn the spot between a rock and a hard place into a forward-leading path? Okay, scratch that. How does one turn it into a place where one is not simply banging one’s head? How does one recognize that the spot between the rock and hard place is sometimes located in one’s own cerebral cortex?
Back to the Sookie Stackhouse model: she is an example of forthrightness and aplomb, but she is also beaten, shot, or bitten, on nearly every other page. She also has (i) this wonderfully delicious blood, (ii) valuable telepathic abilities, and (iii) a great figure, all of which seem to mean that she can indulge in a fair amount of righteous an extremely vocal indignation whenever she is faced with a hard decision, and always be totally forgiven. She is a good enough character that she suffers regrets, qualms, and remorse, but, generally, once she makes a decision, she learns to make the best of it.
I don’t want to be shot or bitten; and I have no idea of the quality of my blood. (I’m also out of the running for Sookie’s other two enumerated qualities.) So, that leaves me with …regrets, qualms, remorse (I’ve got those covered)…making the best of it. The best in this case has nothing to do with perfectionism.
Good old Sookie.
(Caveat—I’ve never seen the TV show True Blood, but only read the Charlaine Harris novels. Sorry for any spoilers or differences.)
(P.S. Click the link to see Sookie, Eric and Bill Compton as turtles, or as elephants.
(Post-Script – if you like elephants, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson.)
You know those moments in which your life has exceeded all maximum legal occupancy rates and weights and is crashing straight down some shaft?
Or maybe it’s a question of balance. In your case, it’s so off, that you’ve long passed the tipping point and are now crashing at the perfect tilt to cause maximum cranial damage.
Or perhaps there’s no direct crash. Perhaps your life is overflowing to the point that the only way to save the levees is to swallow as much sea water as possible.
As if there weren’t already enough pressure, you suddenly remember an important appointment. Because it had so completely slipped your mind, this moment of recollection is fraught with anxiety. You are certain, at first, that you have already missed the appointment. In the next moment, you realize, with bare relief, that the important appointment is tomorrow. But this hardly makes you feel better, because there’s no way that you’ll be ready even by the next day. The anxiety that had gripped your heart shifts to your stomach.
What is worse is that you are going through this whole litany in the middle of a subway car rather than in one of those classic late-to-school, naked-in-class, day-of-the-test dreams (from which you could conceivably awake.)
What do you do? What are your options?
1. Call in sick and stay home in bed obsessively reading Twilight.
2. There are many much better books in the world; call in sick and obsessively read one of those.
3. Don’t just call in sick, actually get sick. (This may even get you two or three days off the hook.)
4. Consider computer games.
5. Or baking. If you do bake, make sure to save some treats for your boss.
6. Stop waiting till 8 or 9 pm for your one glass of wine per day.
7. Who said you had to stop at one?
8. Finally, remember the wisdom of Nanny Ogg, a Discworld persona created by the incomparable Terry Pratchett. In Carpe Jugulum, Nanny, a witch, and her colleague, Magrat Garlick, with newborn baby in tow, engage in a hazardous escape from (you guessed it) a vampire takeover which has defeated Granny Weatherwax. As their rickety coach gets stuck in a flooding rainstorm, the baby’s diaper begins to smell, and Magrat complains of their plight, Nanny offers the comforting thought that their situation could be worse.
“How could it be worse?” Magrat asks incredulously.
“Well,” Nanny says, “there could be snakes in here with us.”
Be thankful that New York City subway cars, by and large, do not house snakes.
(Sorry, by the way, for paraphrasing Pratchett from memory. If you don’t know his many many wonderful books, check them out!)
And if you are stressed, long for the soothing of watercolors, don’t mind snakes, and would really really like to learn to count (with elephants), check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson on Amazon, or at the ManicDDaily homepage.
It’s Friday! Finally! And sunny!
For those of you who are not Robert Pattinson fans – and I understand in a tangible way lately that the word “manic” comes from “mania”, and “fan,” “fanatic”–apologies for the last few posts. Note that I tend to alternate, almost simultaneously, Pattinson posts with more serious posts, so if you run into one of the Pattinson ones and Pattinson really is not your interest in any way, just keep scrolling down. Or check out the categories on the side of the home page. (This is a wonderful tool WordPress has.) There’s a lot on poetry, of poetry, advice about writer’s block, parenting, and other non-Pattinsonian subject matter.
Thanks for reading! Have a great, hopefully-sunny-where-you-are weekend!
(And, if you get a chance, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson on Amazon.)
Thanks again.
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