Posted tagged ‘Because it’s there’

Why People Hate Computers – Let Me Count The Ways

September 28, 2009

I have just spent the last few hours trying to download and/or convert illustrations of a cheerful  pantoum to post in order to compensate for the somewhat grim pantoum I posted a couple of days ago.   (See e.g. “Pantoums – Hard Hard Hard – Overheard on the Esplanade”).

This has led me to an entirely new subject matter.

Why do people hate computers so much?  (Given all the marvelous things they do for us.)

Here’s my guess:

1.  Because they are too expensive to throw out the window.

2.  Because they are too heavy to throw out the window.  (Anyone they hit, if surviving, will undoubtedly sue you, and may also steal your passwords.)

3.  Because if you complain about them, you will sound both decrepit and curmudgeonly.  Anyone overhearing will say, in a calm, slightly amused voice, ‘why don’t you let me try?’ and will try to sit in your computer chair and take over your keyboard, all the while ignoring the curmudgeonly gritting of your (probably soon to be false) teeth.

4.  Because they lure you on with the possibility that whatever you are trying really might work this time if only you are patient and wait the ever increasing and decreasing and increasing  number of seconds of the download period.  Then, just as you get to what looks like almost the end of the download, they freeze again.

5.  Because there is no convenient place to hit your computer, and if you do, you’ll probably hurt your typing fingers.

6.  Because your eyes are burning, but you just can’t stop looking at the screen.

7.  Because you know that any email you may get at 1:02  a.m. is probably spam, but you can’t resist checking.  Like Mallory before Everest, you check your email (in both accounts) because it’s there, or at least, it may be there.

8.  Because you just checked your email and there was only spam.  And you just checked your other email and there wasn’t even spam.

9.  Because it really should have worked by now.  Under all the age-old and new age laws of despair and giving up and great things happening when you finally do surrender, and happy endings too, it really should have worked.   (Don’t computers read literature?  Self-help books?  Self-help E-books?)

10.  Because your whole life’s work is held hostage.  (By the way, what happened to your earlier life’s work on that old machine that died suddenly five years ago?)

If you would rather read books than e-books, and books with pictures at that, check out 1 Mississippi at link above.

P.S. sorry about the illustrated pantoum.  My computer and I will figure it out someday.