Archive for January 2010

Winter Sonnet- Trying to Cool Down

January 8, 2010

Winter Light

Yesterday, I posted a poem “Porch” which was, at least a bit, about remembering summer’s warmth in winter.  Here’s perhaps a truer winter poem, about trying to cool down (emotionally) out in the cold.  It’s a sonnet, written in a Shakespearean rhyme scheme.  For more on sonnets – wintry sonnets, Spenserian sonnets, rhyme and meter in sonnets, click on the links, or check out the poetry category from the ManicDDaily home page.

(Reading note–in my poems, pauses come with punctuation and not, necessarily, at line breaks.    Thanks for reading!)

Winter Light

The corn bent down in broken-spined decay
as she thickly squelched her way to what she hoped
was fresher mind, clear of a stuffy day
spent in a house where all resolve had moped.
In movement, mud, cold, steely winter air,
she sought to shed the skin of that day’s self.
She’d bitched at him;  she knew she wasn’t fair,
but his acceptance of their place upon life’s shelf
tore anger from her ribs like leonine jaws.
It spewed, it spattered, stained everywhere she walked.
She knew regrets to come should give her pause,
but his patient face made self-possession balk.
So she labored through the frozen field of corn
waiting for redemption to be borne.

All rights reserved.  Karin Gustafson.

Poem Wishing For Warmth – It’s Going On Somewhere

January 7, 2010

Porch

Porch

The porch pulled them to its side,
invited nestling upon shaded planks,
recalled cool soft times, clover in fields,
the day she cut his hair, and then they picked
out smooth flat stones,
and lined them along its surface, thick with
years of knobby deck paint.  Against it,
the stones shone like perfect moons to plant upon
winter table tops, reminders
that nights sown by fireflies
were going on some where, some time.

All rights reserved.  Karin Gustafson.

(If you prefer elephants to porches, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson on Amazon.)

Between a Rock and a Hard Place – Learning From Sookie Stackhouse

January 6, 2010

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Between a rock and a hard place.  A universal locale.  One we’ve all visited.  Where some of us even live.

One reason I’m enamored of the Southern Vampire series (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood novels) is that Sookie frequently finds herself in such a position.  (Frankly, even being in one of her vampire lover’s arms is such a place, given the marble musculature, and all that business with the fangs.)

One of the series’ most classic rock-and-hard-place moments occurs in Altogether Dead, when Andre, chief aide-de-camp of the Vampire Queen of Louisiana, demands a blood exchange with Sookie to ensure her loyalty to the Queen.  (Another thing I like about the books is their complete silliness.)  Before Andre can force Sookie to take his blood, the dynamic and debonairly handsome vampire Eric Northman appears, and persuades Andre that he should be the substitute blood exchangee, since he too is a minion of the Queen of Louisiana.  Eric then must convince Sookie that exchanging blood with him is her best shot, the lesser of two evils.

What a dilemma.  Sookie must choose between the dry, calculating, mean, Andre and the super-sexy, protective, and ruthless but loving, Eric Northman.  (Did I mention spoiler alert that Eric is also wealthy, constantly giving Sookie things like a new driveway, a new coat, and a new cell phone?)

Talk about escapism.  Sookie’s choice between a rock and hard place is a bit like a choice between Death Valley in a heat wave and a cliff jump into an exhilarating stream.

In the non-fictional world, unfortunately, our hard choices tend to be a bit more murky (a choice, say, between this sick feeling in our stomach and that sick feeling in our stomach), and it is hard to embue them with a sense of excitement.

Note that my mention of stomach feelings.  This may be because I tend to view a decisive step as something that turns my stomach (in the aforementioned sickly way), rather than churns it (with a feel of adventure).  The problem is that I seem generally convinced that there is an absolutely right choice, and that that choice, undoubtedly, hasn’t even crossed my mind.  This aggrandizes the making of a decision in an awful way– I am not only deciding an immediate issue; I am being subjected to a test–of my decision-making capacity, my wisdom, my worth as a human being.

Since I’m still in New Year’s resolution mode, I ask myself what to do about this problem.  How does one turn the spot between a rock and a hard place into a forward-leading path?  Okay, scratch that.  How does one turn it into a place where one is not simply banging one’s head?   How does one recognize that the spot between the rock and hard place is sometimes located in one’s own cerebral cortex?

Back to the Sookie Stackhouse model:  she is an example of forthrightness and aplomb, but she is also beaten, shot, or bitten, on nearly every other page.   She also has (i) this wonderfully delicious blood, (ii) valuable telepathic abilities, and (iii) a great figure, all of which seem to mean that she can indulge in a fair amount of righteous an extremely vocal indignation whenever she is faced with a hard decision, and always be totally forgiven.  She is a good enough character that she suffers regrets, qualms, and remorse, but, generally, once she makes a decision, she learns to make the best of it.

I don’t want to be shot or bitten; and I have no idea of the quality of my blood.  (I’m also out of the running for Sookie’s other two enumerated qualities.)  So, that leaves me with …regrets, qualms, remorse (I’ve got those covered)…making the best of it.  The best in this case has nothing to do with perfectionism.

Good old Sookie.

(Caveat—I’ve never seen the TV show True Blood, but only read the Charlaine Harris novels.   Sorry for any spoilers or differences.)

(P.S. Click the link to see Sookie, Eric and Bill Compton as turtles,  or as elephants.

(Post-Script – if you like elephants, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson.)

“Connecting the Dots” on Terror – Going Through the Motions

January 5, 2010

I find myself unaccountably depressed tonight.   That is perhaps not accurate–my depression can probably be accounted for by a number of factors—a difficult and contentious day, stress, hormones, age, cold feet.   (I only turn to the comfort of my fabulous hot water bottle in the middle of the night.)

Then too there is Obama’s speech on terrorism,  the continuing failure of U.S. intelligence agencies to “connect the dots”, the continuing sense that while we bicker here, allowing the assignment and/or avoidance of blame to take precedence over doing a job correctly, plots are hatched, terror and destruction are planned.

I don’t particularly blame Obama.  He’s not the guy directly dealing with the “no-fly lists,” or taking calls at the U.S. embassy at Nigeria.  But that doesn’t make me feel a whole lot happier or secure.  One problem is that it’s hard to believe that this is an issue that can be solved simply by putting more systems in place.  The lapses don’t seem to arise from problems with protocol so much as attention, alertness, intelligence, in the truest sense of the word.

There are inherent difficulties:  planning and executing an attack appears to be a whole lot more exciting than working in a comprehensive and general way to stop attacks.  (I don’t mean the foiling of a specific attack;  almost every single James Bond movie ever made demonstrates how exhilarating the foiling of a specific attack or specific villain can be,  especially if the villain is surrounded by scantily clad women.)

But what about the many possible amorphous attacks?  The few hundred thousand, or more,  villains?   The lack of scantily clad women to attract and hold the attention of attack-foilers?  (Perhaps this is one reason to support the installation of body-scanning devices as part of airport security.)

People have a hard time with big numbers, long-term risks, lists of names (even for a state dinner).    It is mind-numbing to try to connect dots where there are tons and tons of them, and yet, no clear underlying picture.   So many bodies, so much shampoo.

There is a failure of attention throughout societal structure, a lot of going through the motions, even when the motions don’t actually do the job.  (Note the S.E.C. and bank regulators.)   The situation reminds me a bit  of the feeding machine in Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times, which spills soup all over Chaplin’s chest, but still, observing its routine, extends a dainty napkin only to Chaplin’s lips.

The feeding machine is unthinking.  But sometimes people are so dulled by the stimuli and repetition of modern life as to also become unthinking.   They are bored;  they become careless.

I think of several New York City cab drivers I have had lately who actually read the newspaper while driving.   Seriously.  They unfolded the paper over their steering wheels, and not only looked at it while the lights were red, but when traffic was slow (which, in NYC, meant most of the drive.)

I sat in the back seat feeling terribly nervous, but did not say anything, at least not,  “put away that newspaper.”

These are attitudes that are going to have to change.

Old/New Source of Alternative Energy (Heat) – The Hot Water Bottle

January 4, 2010

Hot Water Bottle (Remembered)

I’m all for solar power, wind power, and other renewable alternatives to fossil fuels.  But during last night’s bitter cold, which was especially frigid in Battery Park City (where I live), the prow of the stationary ship which is Manhattan, I discovered an eminently traditional, and yet not fully tapped, form of alternative energy (i.e. heat).  The hot water bottle.

Seriously.  It was terrific. Better than wool socks.  (Maybe not as good as a nearby warm body, but warm bodies don’t necessarily put up with cold feet other than their own.)

As a caveat, I should say that I keep my apartment relatively (my kids say, ‘extremely’) cool (my kids say, ‘freezing’) in winter.  Besides trying to keep my carbon footprint to a toeprint, I find hot air heat too dry.   This means that I basically turn all the heat off at night.  (Okay, so maybe my kids are right.)

But last night called for measures beyond wool socks, a down comforter, and even a nearby warm body.

I have to confess to a past prejudice against hot water bottles, their rubbery exteriors so (potentially, at least) slimy and nubbly.  Besides my innate repugnance, my only personal experience with hot water bottles was in Mussoorie, India, a town in the foothills of the Himalayas, bordering Rishikesh (the hang-out of Maharaji Mahesh Yogi the Beatles’ guru)  and Dehra Dun (a favorite locale of Rudyard Kipling).

Mussoorie, though a very nice town, probably sounds more romantic than it is, at least when you are there alone, as I was.   It was green, hilly, and, on the small main road had a small boy who ran alongside a single thin wheel which he propelled with a stick.   On a clear day, there was a tower you could climb where you could supposedly see Tibet.  (I was not there on any clear days.)

Other than that, all I remember about Mussoorie is that it was very cold at night and that in my guest house, a remnant of the Raj, guests were distributed hot water bottles after dinner.  These, a sickly blue green, were covered in a worn crochet of thick bright red and purple yarn;  up by the corked top was a dog-eared yarn flower.

My memory of these hot water bottles is somewhat muddled by the baths in that same hotel.  The tubs were portable, small and tin, just about big enough for a squat.  When I came back to the hotel in the late afternoons, there was, next to the little tin tub, a very large aluminum tea kettle coated in an even larger quilted tea cozy.  Though the water in this kettle was close to boiling (depending upon when one came back to the room), there was only enough to fill the very cold noisy tub to the depth of an inch or two.  I remember taking all baths in at least one wool sweater.

Unfortunately, the crochet-covered hot water bottle and the tea-cozy-covered bath water became inextricably linked in my mind.  As a result, I always thought of hot water bottles with a shiver from the waist down.

Until last night, that is, when my husband, in response to the buzzing cold of my feet,  found a dark red hot water bottle in the back of a bathroom cabinet, and filled it up to the brim.

What a revelation!  My own little heat pillow.  My own little adjustable portable hearth.   At virtually no cost!  Using minimal fossil fuel!

Okay, so, it sounds silly.  But it also seems a useful paradigm for reducing U.S. energy consumption.    Heating one small actually used space, as needed, instead of the nonstop heating of a whole apartment, or house.  A helpful idea even when oil has not yet gotten back up to $100 a barrel.  (News alert—it went over $81 today.)

No crochet required.



ps- if you prefer paintings of elephants to hot water bottles, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson.

Dreaded End-Of-Vacation-Sunday Night

January 3, 2010

It’s that dreaded-end-of-vacation-Sunday night.  A sick feeling drips from the back of my eyes into the center of my stomach.  Dread.  Anxiety.  Stress.   I remember suddenly all the things I was sure I would have plenty of time to do over the last few days, and simply didn’t.  What?  Do?  Remember?  Care about?

Uh-oh.

So now it’s back-to-work-Sunday-night, and any glow of vacation has somehow transformed into an ulcerous slow burn.

It’s a feeling that is probably nearly universal.

I’m guessing that even Barack Obama, as he heads back from Honolulu to DC, feels a certain queasiness.

Janet Napolitano has undoubtedly been feeling it for days.

And what about all the other people I spend virtual time with?  Is Robert Pattinson happy to be going back to LA after a holiday at home in London?  LA is certainly sunnier.   But it was announced today that he is supposedly in the top running for an award for Worst Actor of 2009 (a “Razzie”), so he can’t be feeling too great.

What about all those students going back to school?  It may be fun to, like, see friends, but getting up and going to class where you’re not allowed to text, talk, or sleep, is, like, a bummer.

And the teachers.  It’s probably pretty difficult to imagine “bright, shining, morning faces,” when you know you are going to be faced with glum, sullen, sleepy faces, and possibly, a metal detector.

In New York City, the discomfort of this end-of-vacation-Sunday-night is compounded by a vicious, flesh-biting cold.  (Which, frankly, casts all those narratives about the wonders of frigid vampire embraces into serious doubt.)  Who is going to be able to stand to even go out tomorrow morning?  And why won’t it just snow three feet and close the City down?

The only person in my world who seems truly untroubled by the dread of this Sunday night is my little old dog, Pearl, depicted below.  And even she seems to be having trouble sleeping.

Wakeful Pearl

But not much.

Not So Wakeful Pearl

If you like elephants as much as dogs, check out 1 Mississippi by Karin Gustafson.  Thanks.



Silliness Recalled – “Hit and Run Night Stand”

January 2, 2010

As any of you who are regular readers of this blog must realize, I am a great believer in silliness.  Not the silliness of anger that won’t back down, or pride that won’t unclasp, but antic, self-mocking, ego-abandoning, silliness.  (The best example may be the many posts about Robert Pattinson, who, by the way, is (i) apparently not truly attached to Kristen Stewart, (ii) once chipped a tooth while flossing, and (iii) didn’t shave while staying with his family over Christmas.)

I like being silly, in part, because it is simply exhilarating.  Being silly makes you feel like the word and action “frolic,” like the word and action “skinny-dip,” like you yourself are the first bite of a cupcake, the sidestep in an impromptu tapdance, the profiled Egyptian hand in a Monty Pythonesque walk.

Being silly, if done wholeheartedly, makes you feel young and carefree and as if you really do have choices in life, or, at least, in the moments right in front of you.

I have been extremely lucky to have known others who, though not perhaps as independently silly, were willing to be silly alongside of me.  One of these was a roommate in, of all places, law school.  Although a serious student—she already had a Ph.D., beginning law school—she was perhaps one of my greatest compatriots in silliness.

How does this silliness manifest itself when you are both blonde, reasonably attractive (she was actually beautiful), weighed down by the travails of law school (more interested, that is,  in the plaintive than the plaintiff)? What form does it take when one of you has an electric organ left in storage by a brother who had once studied at the same University, and the other a guitar?  When one likes to sing, and the other, from Mississippi, has long been infatuated with George Jones and Tammy Wynette?

Write country music, of course.  Adopt country music names.  Go down to Nashville to make a demo tape.  Stay in the Country Music Hall of Fame Motor Inn.  And because you are both budding lawyers, but too busy to do full copyright registrations, mail lyrics to yourself via never-opened envelopes sent by certified mail.  (The idea was to document the date of composition.)

My dear friend and compatriot in silliness died a couple of years ago from cancer.  But I received today from her very kind husband a package holding a stack of unopened certified envelopes addressed (both sender and recipient) with our long-unused country music names (Gussie and Cindy Fay.)

Of course, receiving a package like this in the mail can knock the silliness right out of you.  I miss my friend more than I can articulate.   But, after absorbing what the package contained, I made myself open up all those old certified envelopes, and, reading the lyrics, well, it was pretty hard not to laugh.  There’s nothing like silliness, especially past silliness, silliness recalled.

We had many more titles that I remembered—”Romantic Fever,” “Bed and Bored,” “I always Let My Fingers Do the Talking (But You’re Already Walking Away), “The Paycheck Song” (written in the hopes of being picked up by Johnny Paycheck—we waited outside his dressing room at a show at the Lone Star Café),  “The Social Drinker,” “Dream House,” etc.  (All our songs, true to country music style and rebelling legal precision, relied heavily on puns.)

My favorite was always, “Hit and Run Night Stand.”  The first stanza:

“I’m a victim of a hit and run night stand,
I’ve been laid low by a truckdriving man,
His trucking is so good, I wish he’d make his truck stop here,
But that man is only happy, when he’s shifting gears.”

You’ve got the gist of it.

Silly silly silly.  Fun.

(All rights reserved.  Gussie Gustafson, Cynthia Fay Barnett.)

Happy New Year! Happy New Colored Pencil Set!

January 1, 2010

Happy New Year/Happy New Colored Pencil Set!

For those who find the above picture too bland, too animal-less:

Happy New Year/Happy New Pencil Set with Owl and Nest!

All rights reserved.  Karin Gustafson