I am now taking a blogging break to try to revise and finish an old novel manuscript.
But right this minute I am taking a break from my blogging break because I will do anything rather than revise and finish this old novel manuscript.
Ha.
I very much want it to be done.
I don’t even mostly mind the work of doing it. Not when I am in the midst of such work.
I just have a hard time beginning and sticking to the work:
- because I have no faith that I can/will complete the task, meaning spending any time at all on it is a waste.
- because I have no faith that even if I do complete the task, it will be very good, or even if good, will be read, or liked. (Meaning spending any time at all on it is a waste.)
- because I hate making decisions and revising is a non-stop decision-making process. (As in–yes, cut this. And this. And this. And, should you re-write this? I mean, seriously. Are you actually improving anything here? Oh yes, and maybe you better put that back. I mean, it’s a plot point, right?) (Meaning that it’s not all that fun, meaning spending any time on it is a waste.)
Here’s where discipline comes in.
Meaning …that if I want to do this, I have to just make myself do it, even when I don’t want to.
Meaning…. better get back to it.
Meaning… Pearl, did you leave any for me? (To have with wine/whine.)
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Note that for the sake of my sanity and to escape the solitude of a big project I will probably be posting little whining notes like this every once in a while this month. Feel free to comment–encouragement is always welcome, but disparagement will probably feel more familiar (i.e. like talking to myself.) I will try to return visits, but may be slow.
Also, I am doing this during nanowrimo month to get some energy from collective prosing despair – but my project is really one of cutting not writing. This particular manuscript is already written and much too long.
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