ManicDDaily

I am now taking a blogging break to try to revise and finish an old novel manuscript.

But right this minute I am taking a break from my blogging break because I will do anything rather than revise and finish this old novel manuscript.

Ha.

I very much want it to be done.

I don’t even mostly mind the work of doing it.  Not when I am in the midst of such work.

I just have a hard time beginning and sticking to the work:

1. because I have no faith that I can/will complete the task, meaning spending any time at all on it is a waste.
2. because I have no faith that even if I do complete the task, it will be very good, or even if good, will be read, or liked.  (Meaning spending any time at all on it is a waste.)
3. because I hate making decisions and revising is a non-stop decision-making process.  (As in–yes, cut this.  And this.  And this.  And, should you re-write this?  I mean, seriously.  Are you actually improving anything here? Oh yes, and maybe you better put that back.  I mean, it’s a plot point, right?)  (Meaning that it’s not all that fun, meaning spending any time on  it is a waste.)

Here’s where discipline comes in.

Meaning …that if I want to do this, I have to just make myself do it, even when I don’t want to.

Meaning…. better get back to it.

Meaning… Pearl, did you leave any for me?    (To have with wine/whine.)

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Note that for the sake of my sanity and to escape the solitude of a big project I will probably be posting little whining notes like this every once in a while this month.  Feel free to comment–encouragement is always welcome, but disparagement will probably feel more familiar (i.e. like talking to myself.)  I will try to return visits, but may be slow.  

Also, I am doing this during nanowrimo month to get some energy from collective prosing despair – but my project is really one of cutting not writing.  This particular manuscript is already written and much too long.