Posted tagged ‘Michelle Bombshell McGee’

Amendments Republicans Didn’t Think Of

March 26, 2010

No Transfusions For Vampires

On Thursday, in the confusing process which I understand is required by our bi-cameral very-keen-on-procedure Congress, the Senate passed a budget reconciliation bill which allowed for the final passage of the new health care legislation.  In the process, more than forty amendments to the bill were proposed by Republican senators, including several from Republican Tom Coburn of Oklahoma;  perhaps the most colorful of these was an amendment prohibiting coverage of Viagra and other Erectile Dysfunction medications to convicted child molesters, rapists, and sex offenders.

Somehow one feels certain that the purpose of this type of amendment is to cast a shadow of malevolence on the benefits offered by the new legislation.  (There seems to be a desire to create a feeling that, without the amendment, the bill would operate as a kind of Americans With Disabilities Act for those covered by Meghan’s Law.)

Here are a few amendments that got dropped from the Republican list:

1.  No more than fifty (50) month-supply prescriptions per day may be covered for convicted narcotics offenders.

2.  No “herbal” supplements for potheads.

3.  No chiropractic coverage to W.W.E. hall of famer Quebecois Mad Dog Vachon unless an American passport and an original American birth certificate are provided.

4.   No acupuncture coverage for acrobatic Shaolin Monks temporarily visiting the U.S. from China.

5.   No acupuncture coverage to anyone permanently moved to the U.S. from China.

6.   Or Mexico.

7.  Or anywhere else.

8.  Including Hawaii.

7.  No rolfing for residents of California.

8.  No medical tattoo removal coverage for Jesse James.  Such expenses may be coverable for Michelle Bombshell McGee but on only on personal application.

9.  No blood transfusions for vampires unless named Bill Compton or Edward Cullen.  (Sorry, Eric.)

A Tale Told By An Idiot: Full of Bull(ock)? The Rielle Deal?

March 18, 2010

Michelle Bombshell McGee

The news, lately, is full of tales of men acting like idiots.  Following up on Jon Edwards and Tiger Woods… well, following up on Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, Jon Edwards, Tiger Woods, and too many others to be mentioned… (wait a second, this is news?)  Okay, okay… .  Following up on a whole bunch of idiotic famous males, the American populace now has Jesse James, cheating husband of Oscar-winning Sandra Bullock.

The media, completely sick of health care, is making a big deal of Jesse James’ betrayal of Bullock.  Is there an “Oscar Curse?” reporters ask, a curse that afflicts Best Actresses?

The reporters’ voices are somber, knowing, smug (as if to say, of course, there’s an Oscar Curse.  How can a man be expected to deal with a hard-working, super-successful, wife?)  One suspects, however, that this question is mainly an excuse to flash a backdrop of Michelle Bombshell McGee, Jesse’s lover—who, for some reason, is called the tattoo lady rather than the tattooed lady (as if she inked them on others, rather than simply had the ink covering a super-majority of her personal surface area.)

A friend has been haranguing me throughout the day with the question of how Bullock could have been stupid enough to marry someone like James in the first place.  He understands James’s defection—”a jerk is a jerk is a jerk.”  What he doesn’t understand is how someone as seemingly charming, smart and successful as Bullock could have ever married someone like James, a motorbiker reality star, the twice-married ex-husband of a porn star, a man covered with tattoos even before his trysts with the tattoo lady.

All I can come up with is low self-esteem.   But it does make me think that maybe the news is not just full of tales of men who are idiots, but women who’ve also been a bit idiotic.   Which, in turn, raises the specter of Rielle Hunter

Who now, unfortunately, feels more than comfortable talking about her affair with Johnny Edwards.  “Had I spoken [before],” Rielle says, “I would have emasculated him. And I could not emasculate him.”

Do I really need to hear this?

The Oscar Curse.  The Rielle deal.

And maybe it’s not just men and women being idiotic, but the taletellers too.   The news stories begin to seem almost Shakespearean.

But not quite.