Elephants Watching World Cup
You will find below the ManicDDaily guide to rooting for teams competing in the 2010 World Cup.
Correction: this is not a guide to actual rooting. I do not include instruction in drumming, kazooing, dancing, cheering, and swinging “revenge-of-the-angry-bees” noisemakers. This is a guide to choosing teams to root for, written for those, like me, who have absolutely no knowledge of any of the teams or current players.
- Determine which team’s country will be made happiest by the win; factors to be considered include number of prior wins, perception of national commitment to the game, and recent national hardships such as flood, financial collapse, coup d’etat, etc.
- Determine which team will be made happiest by the win, and, in your one-hour-or-so appraisal, is most deserving. Factors to consider include team spirit as measured by hugs, bottom pats, tears. Modesty, as measured in determined faces/sheepish grins. Are there any particularly cute players?
- Factor in your personal experiences of the team’s country, i.e. how’s the food?
- Assign points.
Here’s how the system would work for a game like this morning—ARGENTINA v. NIGERIA.
1. Your college-age daughter has a boyfriend from Argentina who spends a fair amount of time at your apartment. Nigeria – 1.
2. Stop that! He really is a good kid. Argentina – 1.
3. His folks are nice too. Argentina – 2.
4. One the other hand, he’ll crow all day if Argentina wins. Nigeria – 2.
5. Besides that, Nigeria will be so happy is Nigeria wins. All of Africa will be happy. Nigeria – 3.
6. But Argentina will be so upset, and their economy has had a very hard time over the last several years. Argentina – 3.
7. But African countries rarely win, and Argentina wins all the time. Nigeria – 4.
8. He may be really upset….
9. But Argentina does make wonderful wine. Argentina – 4.
10. But Africa has elephants. Nigeria – 5.
11. Red wine. Argentina – 5.
Hmmm….. What was that cute player/deserving team thing?
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