I missed the earthquake today because I am in upstate New York, a bit too far both from epicenter and traditional panic centers for awareness. Later this afternoon though I faced more typical local dangers as I walked–I hesitate to call my slow trudge a hike–up to a woodsy area increasingly known for bear sightings.
I don’t know if there are actually more bear here than there used to be; there do seem to be a lot more sightings.
Some people, in the light of these sightings, have advocated a policy of carrying a hand gun on a hike. This is not a policy I could ever imagine myself adopting: (i) I hate guns; (ii) I don’t own one; and (iii) the only moving target I would ever be capable of hitting is my foot.
No, I realize as I step into the woods, MY first line of defense is my iPad 2. The plan: if I run into a bear (worse yet, a mama with cubs) I’ll turn on the sound as loud as possible.
I am not in fact listening to music right now, I don’t typically have it on when I walk, but my iPad 2 (which I carry snugly in a vest pocket) has an annoying habit of switching on its iiPod music app whenever I cross my arms. (On this walk, I’ve already had to turn off “You’re the Top” twice.)
I recognize, of course, that there are potential snags in my bear-blasting plan. First, if a bear actually confronts me, the iPad 2 may not magically turn on (and certainly not at high volume) even if I forcefully cross my arms. I may have to pull the iPad 2 from its snug wedge in my vest pocket, open the cover, activate the iPod app, turn up the volume.
The plan may also be flawed (fatally) by the possibility that the bear will not find Cole Porter particularly intimidating. Especially since my recordings are not sung by Ethel Merman.
Hmm….
I carefully, and very very quietly, redirect my feet towards home.
(Would it work better in an earthquake?)
ManicDDaily 
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