ManicDDaily

I am a big believer in pay-back. Not in the vigilante sense, or the vengeful sense, or even the karmic sense. (I’ve known a lot of good people to whom very bad things have happened.)

I mean pay-back, in the sense of you need to pay something in to an experience–energy, openness, commitment–in order to get something back from that experience. (Yes, I know this isn’t always true.)

I guess what I am really trying to say is that I spent much of the day fighting intense fatigue. Oh, I slogged along, but how many two-bag cups of tea can you gulp down without completely undermining any added productivity through the induction of a urinary tract infection? (Quite a few actually.)

And then, this evening, as I slumped down onto the couch, my daughter found the Twilight movie on TV.

There was Robert Pattinson looking chalk-faced, garnet-lipped, and (below the hair) very very stolid. There was Kristen Stewart madly hesitating.

And I was exhausted, I tell you! But something–some tatter of self-respect or preservation–got me up and out (even just before Rob saved Kristen from the careening van) and jogging along the deep blue black of the Hudson.

It was terrific. Air and blueness and streetlamp halo-dom—I felt suddenly energized.

Well, for an hour maybe.

But then, unfortunately, it wore off. (AFTER I had missed the movie!)

Geez.