We’ve all heard it—a misunderstood or misheard “excuse me” transmuting into an indignant “you’re welcome.” What this kind of “you’re welcome” usually means is that the you, who, in fact, is not welcome, has somehow dropped the ball. You failed to thank, take the requested step to the side, or most importantly, prostrate yourself at the foot of your self-excuser. And that same self-excuser has now turned into a you-accuser, while you have shifted from person who’s owed civility to person who deserves rebuff; a person, in other words, who’s on the absolute wrong end of the politeness stick.
How dare you, you?
Maybe I should say ‘how dare I?’ Because I worry that I run into this sort of treatment more than most. Perhaps I go about the street in a fog. (Since I sometimes write this blog while I walk, I suspect this may be so.) Despite my general will towards politeness, my great propensity towards the words “sir” and “ma’am” and “please” and “thank you,” I probably do miss verbal cues.
The whole experience, which always results from some completely inadvertent error on my part, makes me feel terrible–the “excuse ME,” the “thank YOU,” the “YOU’RE welcome” truly distress me. (Somehow, people who are trying to force politeness seem to emphasize pronouns.)
Aside from my personal discomfort, I also feel upset on behalf of society. (I’m getting my own back now!) Because the sudden brusqueness of the oh-so-polite really does seem to lower, rather than raise, the level of civility in the culture: two rudes simply don’t make a polite, as the etiquette experts, including George Washington, conclude in Douglas Quenqua’s November 13 New York Times article “As the Rudes Get Ruder, the Scolds Get Scoldier.”
My point is that if you believe in politeness, then be truly, consistently, polite. Don’t take turns at it, meting it out, retracting it, converting it into an opportunity for aggression. Be like the proverbial queen, almost any true queen (this is a true pea-beneath-the-mattress-test), who, when entertaining a guest who drinks from the fingerbowl, promptly gulps hers down as well.
You do that, and I’ll watch my step while I blog.
ManicDDaily 
Recent Comments