ManicDDaily

Feeling sad and worried about little Abby Sunderland tonight, the 16-year old girl who is missing in the Indian Ocean in the midst of a round-the-world voyage.  Also feeling alternately sad for, and upset with, her parents.

Finally, I’m feeling guilty, guilty to write about this when the parents already must be suffering terribly.  So I want to start by saying I wish that nothing but good comes from this voyage, that Abby is found promptly, that she is safe and uninjured, that she receives a heroine’s welcome, that she is reunited with her family, and that she gets whatever wisdom the experience offers her and also whatever benefits fame can offer her.

And now, after all that, I want to say that there is a reason that 16-year olds are not legally competent to sign a binding contract; there is a reason that they are traditionally tried as juveniles; there is a reason why in the eyes of the law they are treated as infants and not adults.

The reason is that they are considered too young to fully understand the possible consequences of their choices.   Because of this lack of understanding, i.e. immaturity, their relevant adults– parents or guardians–are legally charged with making important choices for them.

In the modern age, however, there is no longer much notion of being “too young” for anything.  (It’s a new addition to the canon of Wallis Simpson, the Duchess of Windsor: “you can never be too rich or too thin.”) We confuse the vitality and beauty of youth with smarts, innate wisdom, a cool invulnerability. Kids want to pursue extreme activities that put their youth, their long-term health, and sometimes even their lives at risk—from nonstop training for Olympic sports or pro-tennis, to modeling careers, to concert tours, to solo trips in small boats around their world—and their parents, often incredibly loving parents, view their job as to “support” these youthful drives rather than to act as moderator, protector, shepherd, guide; the drive for fame and fortune and some form of “bestness” is just so strong.

A childhood (and possibly childish) dream is born, and the culture acts as if it is destined, with enough determination, to become a dream come true.

Of course, the dream often doesn’t come true (maybe not ending in calamity but simple failure, burn-out).  But the culture is determined to find fairy-tale endings, a magic of obstacles surmounted.

I feel terribly terribly sorry for the entire family, and pray for the absolute best.