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Draft Sonnet, Cold House – Choosing the Wrong Train

December 11, 2010

I’m typing up this post in a freezing (closed-for-winter) house which happens to have an Internet connection.

A sonnet!  A draft sonnet!   Because my teeth are chattering, fingers growing stiff, I am posting this before making final decisions about the poem, especially the last lines.  I’ve posted a few alternatives.  Any preferences let me know.  Any suggestions–absolutely let me know!

In a Hurry, Choosing the Wrong Train

I worry that, in my forgetting much,
the best route from here to there eludes
me.  I overthink, then blurrily rush
to a train I barely know that broods
upon the track while my regular line
goes whoosh (in my mind).  Beneath the slow chug
of this one’s start and stop, tremorous grind,
ears burn with trains not taken that speed snug
along their rails.  All for some two or three,
maybe four, saved blocks–my brain’s too tired
for the calculation.  The part of me
that invents tests it hopes to ace, that’s wired
for glee in a glide, tick-tocks by the door,
longs for time itself to open, offer more.

Some alternate last lines:

longing for time to open, offer more.

longing for time to spare her, feeling sore.

longing for time to spare it, feeling sore.

longing for time to open, time to spare.

Is “spare” close enough rhyme to door?


Categories: New York City, poetry, Uncategorized
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Obama – Moving On (Rather Than “Move On. …”)

December 8, 2010

 

Obama, bruised but not broken

Further to yesterday’s post re not being able to read the newspapers over the last few days due to a feeling of sick stomach, sick heart.

I finally was able to listen to Obama’s press conference on the tax cut issue.  I really recommend it (here’s the link) as it assuaged some of the sickness.  He’s pragmatic; he’s empathetic; he’s biting the bullet in a manner that avoids egotism and sanctimony (pretty unusual in politics).   He has a long-term perspective.

The fact is that the current tax deal is the just about the only practical response to November election.  The Republicans won.  If Obama pretends that they haven’t won, he is just prolonging the same losing election battle.  Instead he is moving forward, changing the terms of the debate to questions of budget cuts, problem solving, rather than hysteria of tax issues.

I feel a little worried here about the image I’m presenting personally.  I’m not against the wealthy!  Some of my best friends are wealthy!  I am simply concerned about (i) the long term health of the economy; (ii) schools!  roads!  the environment!  any social services.  And also, I admit, I am also worried about the dangers of living in a society in which the divisions of wealth are so stark and extreme.

Apparently, there is a rumbling of mumbling among liberal democrats about a primary challenge to Obama.  The mumblers misunderstand the intense conservatism and fear of the American people (and also, perhaps, the passivity, when it comes to voting, of some more liberal Americans.)   Secondly, it seems to me that it’s the Democrats in Congress who’ve failed here more than Obama; they allowed all the misstatements over the last year; they’ve failed to stand up for anything clear; they’ve ducked and ducked and ducked.  Now they’re stuck.

But he’s not.

 

(P.S. after posting this, realized one point that Obama seems conscious of.  People say they want change, but what drives them, and the economy, crazy is prolonged uncertainty.   He’s creating a stable, if not preferred platform, from which to keep working.)

Categories: Obama, Uncategorized
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Can’t read the paper (not a problem of eyes.)

December 7, 2010

Lately I just can’t make myself read the newspaper.  Everything turns my stomach.   The New York Times especially.

I’ve even begun  to wonder whether the paper is following its ordinary lay-out; nothing holds the eye.

 This is not because the news is sad–some of it, such as the death of Elizabeth Edwards, certainly is.   Oddly, I can stand to read that story even though I  feel terribly sorry for Mrs. Edwards and certainly her children; there are elements of courage, strength, tragic loss.

Is it just me?  My over-stimulated ADD?

Or are stories laced with greed, posturing, and self-righteousness more sickening than stories about cancer? 

All the tax business, all the Wikileaks business, all the posturing, self-righteous business, all the posturing in the name of ‘small business’ business, all the greed.

I don’t think I would mind it so much if people flat-out admitted their weaknesses—if the New York Times, for example, in connection with its publication of all the Wikileaks stuff, said, “look, we want readers.”   

If the Republican leadership flat-out said, “look, we serve the rich.”   

 If Obama just said, “look, they’ve got me in a stranglehold.” 

Actually, I guess Obama is kind of saying that.  My eyes, heart, stomach, simply find it very hard to take.

 

Categories: news, News Media, Uncategorized
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Benefits of Obessiveness (Visiting Parents)

December 3, 2010

 

December Eve in FL

Sometimes it’s good to have lifelong obsessions.    One of these times is a visit to parents.   My parents are, frankly, pretty undemanding.  And yet there is something amazing about how time, plans, routines slip away when I visit them.  To some degree, this is exactly as it should be, since I really am here to spend time with them, not to write (i) a novel (ii) or blog (iii) or tax memo, or (iv) to hang out extensively at the beach.

And yet…  and yet… there is also something about the atmosphere of the parental home (and I don’t think it’s just my parents’ home) that seems to crumple discipline, will, even in those moments in which we are not actively “visiting”.  (I find myself, in other words, reading old Readers’ Digests late at night.)

These are moments when even more deeply ingrained obsessive conduct is very welcome.  In my case, it’s a mania for exercise.

I’m not systematic or forceful enough for true fitness.  But I have, since my teenage years, been pretty obsessive about moving my body around every day, shaking things up, as it were.

I can’t somehow do my regular yoga practice in Florida.  Astanga yoga is a practice involving a fair amount of bouncing (jump-throughs) and it doesn’t really work on carpeting (rug burns), or concrete (fractured wrists), or even sand (sand).  (And then, of course, there’s that whole will/discipline problem here.)

But running around on dark streets lit with Christmas lights works pretty well.  Even an occasional Tree pose.

Thank goodness.

 

Categories: elephants, Uncategorized
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Julian Assange and Client-9 (Not Trojan Warriors?)

December 1, 2010

Hmmm....

What is it about pale arrogant self-anointed “bastard-crushing” men and condoms?

Julian Assange, founder of Wikileaks, is now subject to a “Red Notice” issued by Interpol for arrest and extradition to Sweden, where he is wanted for questioning on suspicion of “rape, sexual molestation and coercion.”   The possible sexual misconduct charges have arisen in connection with encounters Assange had with two different women in which a condom broke or was not used by Assange and the sex (according to the women) became clearly nonconsensual.

Does this remind you of anyone?

Maybe you have to be from New York.

I’m thinking of Client-9, Eliot Spitzer, another self-righteous accusatorial type who seemed to have a penchant for casual, and unprotected, sex.

What is wrong with these guys?

Okay, okay, this isn’t fair.  You can’t really compare Spitzer’s attacks on the New York State legislature (or CEOs) with Assange’s egomaniacal onslaughts.  Spitzer didn’t put peoples’ lives at risk.  Sure, he didn’t do much for trust in government, but he also didn’t burden diplomatic channels between nations.  (And for what, Julian?  The fact that something is confidential doesn’t actually make it secret.)

It’s also unfair to compare Spitzer and Assange on a sexual level.  Spitzer’s payments to high-priced prostitutes do not place him on a high moral plane, but they do seem to raise him several steps above rape and coercion.  Plus, in Spitzer’s case, he seems to have come around (pun intended) on the condom issue.

So, actually, these guys may have nothing in common.  Except perhaps arrogance.  And hypocrisy.  Only in Assange’s case, these seem untempered by any kind of caution, self-doubt, and also an ability to hear others’ pleas.  (Especially when it comes to the word “no.”)

Certainly, it seems unlikely that Assange will get a U.S. talk show.

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Restrepo on Cyber-Monday

November 30, 2010

It’s amazing how our culture comes up with new spending rituals– Black Friday, Cyber-Monday, National Administrative Assistants’ Day.  Even traditional rituals seem to have whole new levels of consumption associated with them–weddings planned for years, graduations celebrated from nursery school on.

Then, of course, there are holidays that have become primarily shopping days–Presidents’ Day, Labor Day, Veteran’s Day.

On this Cyber-Monday evening, I find myself watching the very non-festive documentary, Restrepo, a movie by Sebastian Junger and Tim Heatherington, about U.S. forces in the Korangal Valley in Afghanistan.   The film documents a platoon that sets up an operation post some distance from the base camp which is named for Restrepo, an individual soldier killed in the Valley close to the beginning of the deployment.

It’s a very sad movie–so much good will, energy, and, of course, life, spent in an effort that seems doomed from the start.  (In fact, U.S. forces have now evacuated the Korangal Valley.)  The idea that American soldiers, creatures of a culture that invented Cyber-Mondays (a triumph of the insular, yet gung-ho, consumer), can persuade village elders to work against their traditional (and sometimes related) strong men is just crazy.  It’s especially crazy given the relatively short (if interminable seeming) time frame of U.S. deployment; the dual role of the military (fighters/diplomats); and the youth and cultural inexperience of many of the soldiers.

Then in the midst of the fear and digging, drawn faces, gunfire, tension, loss and profanity of the infantrymen comes repeated LEXUS commercials.  “No one ever found a gift too big,” says a voice as a beamingly groomed woman leads an incredibly clean-looking (compared to the infantrymen) guy to a huge wrapped package stationed in (alternately)   (i) a landscaped driveway or (ii) a huge and sparkling living room.  The wrapped package splits in the middle to reveal–tada!–a new car!  For Christmas!

It all has to make you wonder:  what are we doing there?  What are we doing here?

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Nanowrimo Up…. Date? (Made It Through Thanksgiving)

November 28, 2010

 

So, what time is it?

What day is it again?

Some day at the end of November.

Thanks have been given without unpleasant incident.  Even as I say that, my ever gloomy mind comes up with mishaps and disappointments that loomed large a couple of days ago (a child who couldn’t make it, a parent who fell en route to a video call).  Even so, the holiday came and went with no regret for never having mastered the Heimlich maneuver, and with a fair amount of tap and other dancing.   That has to count as a win.

Speaking of “winning,” I amassed today the 50,000 word count for “victory” in Nanowrimo (National Novel Writing Month.)  I cannot pretend to have written a novel,  but only a relatively large number of words.  This may account for the lack of ebullience, I feel today (whatever day it is).

Still, I have learned something important this Nanowrimo month:  that I, that you, that probably almost all of us, have a lot more free time and imagination than we generally think we do.

My gloomy side chimes in: ‘yes, and possibly we have a lot less time than we think as well.’    (Darn you, gloomy side!)

So, what time was that again?  Time to get going.

 

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Pearl Cold and Old (Still Attending to Life’s Work)

November 27, 2010

 

Taking Pity on Pearl

My family has reminded me that our dog Pearl is over fifteen.  After doing the calculations, I could see they were right.  This shocked and saddened me.  I had convinced myself, and told others, that she was at least a year or two younger.  (In a similar way, I  have an increasingly hard time remembering, or acting, my own age.  It’s uncomfortable, on all kinds of levels, to feel time pass in one’s bones.  Almost as difficult to see it in others.)

We are celebrating Thanksgiving in Upstate New York, and Pearl is finding it very cold, both inside and out.   (I took pity on her above.)

Even so, she still enjoys the view from the porch.

 

Ah!

 

Though perhaps not as much as the kitchen.

On the Prowl

Some things never change.

 

 

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Thanksgiving – Pleasing the Crowd?

November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving - you can't please everyone.

Or maybe you can.

Happy Pre-Thanksgiving.

I’m reposting these pictures for the Jingle poetry site.  I’m very thankful to have gotten in touch with Jingle, and all the wonderful poetry sites on the Internet.  It’s so inspiring to be in a community of poets.   Thank you all.

Categories: children's illustration, dog, elephants, Uncategorized
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Nanowrimo Update (Pearl Anxious For Computer Credit)

November 20, 2010

Pearl (Not In A Chair) Urging Me Back To Computer

Hey, Guys!   Don’t think just because I’m not posting about it much that I’m not working on my Nanowrimo (National Writing Month) novel.

I am!

The problem is that, during the work week, I find it much easier to write the manuscript by hand.  This is going to be a big problem as the end of the month approaches and I need to upload my 50,000 words onto the Nanowrimo website to get credit.  (Remember–this project is not about writing a novel draft in a month, it’s about getting credit for writing the draft!  What’s the point if you are not some kind of “winner?”)

Whether I’ll get everything typed in time, I have to say that I am enjoying the process.

The novel involves two sub-plots–one of which is unfolding in Nevada right now, the other in Southern California.  The plots are supposed to blend together at some point, but each has gotten more and more delayed and unrelated to the other.  The people traveling in Nevada, for example, seem ready to have their plot’s crisis right there.  The girl in California has already been through a kind of crisis, without even knowledge of her Nevada brethren (who aren’t, of course, actually from Nevada but New York.)

Getting out of Nevada has taken so long that I’m probably going to skip Las Vegas completely.  (This is kind of dumb as Las Vegas and its environs are the only parts of Nevada I have even a vague sense of.)

And Bill, the character that California girl has just ditched, seemingly permanently, is one of the more colorful characters in the book.  (He tied California girl, who is not in fact from California, in a chair, then to a chair.  I won’t say what she did back.)

Hopefully, this weekend, Pearl and I can get back to the computer version.  (Pearl acts like she’s noncompetitive, but it’s really just a pose.)

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