ManicDDaily

Stuck

A chronic issue for ManicDDaily types is how to handle gnawing (as in ravenously persistent) feelings of inadequacy and imperfection–not how to address the reasons for such feelings (whether temperamental or circumstantial), but how to lessen them.  This is a subject upon which I’ve done much research, and I’ve developed  the following four more or less, do-it-yourself methods; methods that do not require professional help.

Four Shrink-Free Ways To Shrink Inadequacy

1. Be perfect at all times.

2.  Failing that, think of yourself as absolutely perfect at all times.  (I hate to sound sexist, but this seems to be an easier method for men than women, or at least for baby-boomer women.)

3.  If you can’t be perfect, and you can’t think of yourself as perfect, own up to the imperfection; resign yourself to it:  you made a mistake; you have certain failings.   So what?

Try not to get stuck in a mire of analyzing, denying, justifying, defending, self-mortifying, not to be a tire in mud, spinning spinning spinning the same old muck around.  Yes, you may have made a mistake; no, you may not have.  Whatever.  The fact is that skillful conduct and good intentions don’t always translate into happy results, no matter what.  (Think of all the times you organized a picnic and then it rained.  Don’t, like me, be the kind of person who apologizes for storm clouds.  And then to storm clouds.)

4.    Maintain old friendships.   When you are chewing the rawhide (your raw hide) of a failing, an old friend is probably the best person to help you digest it.    Family members may also help, but they are more likely to veer between the overly candid, as in “why in the world did you do that?”, to the solicitously duplicitous as in: “of course, it’s not your fault: it’s never your fault.” Husbands or wives can be particularly difficult;  they will often give advice on how to resolve whatever is troubling you instead of just listening to you go on (and on and on) about it.

Old friends, in contrast, will listen, cluck with true, but discerning, sympathy, and then move on to the next topic.  Which is exactly what you need to do.

What about new friends? It’s a bit harder to trust them.  Oh, they probably will not spill your confidences—but will they like you when they know how imperfect you are?!?

While old friends… old friends… they have known that you were imperfect for a very long time, and still will take your call.