ManicDDaily

Rain Today, Melting Snow

A rainy day.  I thought I’d try a villanelle; the draft is below.  In this one, I’ve played with internal rhyme and word repetition; also used slant rhyme to avoid the flippancy of straight rhyme.  I am linking this also to Bluebell Books short story slam–their picture was a girl outside in the rain–this is a woman inside (in bed with iPhone) in the rain! 

Any suggestions, re-writes, corrections–feel free to let me know!

Rain today, melting snow

It rains today.  What was a scrim of white
frays to a stark and intermittent thread,
as browning fields bring softness to the eye,

and rumpled folds of brush and weed deny
the brambles that will later stalk my tread.
It rains today.  What is a scrim of white–

the screen that fixates, though two inches wide–
and, like a stalker, ties me to my bed–
(’till browning fields bring softness to the eye)

as intermittent glances, window-wise,
prise digital fingers from my real-world head.
It rains today; what was a scrim of white,

as bright outside as in, in puddles lies–
as clear as any water (over mud).
The browning fields bring softness to the eye,

reminding one that even autumns die,
snow too, its shine reduced to what was then
by rains today, a threadbare scrim of white.
The browning fields bring softness to the eye.

I appreciate that the poem has a certain similarity to other efforts of mine.  (But there it is–you write what you write.)

For other villanelles, or posts about the mechanics of villanelle writing, check out the category “villanelle” here.