Archive for September 2024

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9/11 Anniversary

September 11, 2024

It’s the 23rd anniversary of 9/11, a date that always fills me (a then resident of downtown New York City) with great sadness for all that was lost, and all those who were lost—some on the day itself, some in the years after.

It also brings back pride in New York City; pride in its grit and resilience, and (though some would deny it), its immense fellow-feeling.

But it also fills me with a sense of obligation, which is what I want to write about today.

One of my children was a few short blocks from the World Trade Center on 9/11. I remember vividly run-walking through the streets and the West Side Highway to get to her, then running back up those streets when the police told us that her school had already been evacuated but with no clear destination.

I remember the dark cornices of the buildings at the side of my vision, the beautiful blue sky overhead—how I swore inside that if only she were okay—this was an oath taken to God—that if only she were okay, I would never complain of anything again, that I would greet the rest of my life with gratitude.

And we did find her. I won’t go into the aftermath here, the wonderful relief at holding her and her sister too (who’d been at a safer location), the terrible grimness as the losses became clearer and stretched out.

But what struck me today, along with sadness for all those taken too soon, was my consciousness that I’ve really not kept up my side of my bargain. That is, that I did begin again to complain again almost immediately; that, at times, I have sometimes lost sight of gratitude.

So, on this day once again, I vow once again to try to stop the complaints! To recognize the extraordinary gift of ongoing time, the blessing of time—time with one’s family, time with other people, time with the sun and the moon and this beautiful planet.

And with that, I extend my great gratitude to those who risked (and still risk) their lives, who gave (and still give) their lives, so that others can have this great gift of ongoing time. I hope we can make good use of it.

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“There’s something I just don’t like (about her)”–the Dilemma of Unconscious Misogyny

September 10, 2024

The presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump is tonight.

Although I am completely convinced that Kamala Harris is articulate, smart, forceful and engaging, and that Donald Trump is untruthful and incoherent, I find myself very nervous.

My concern arises in part because the stakes are so high.

But I am also worried that the debate is rigged—not in the crazy ways that Trump brings up—not in any concrete way.

What concerns me are the difficulties faced by any strong woman..

What concerns me is the conscious and unconscious misogyny that dog any woman claiming a traditionally male position.

There are people who openly can’t stomach women in power. I don’t talk about those people.

I talk about the many (some of whom even promote women in their daily lives)—-who are (unconsciously) uncomfortable with a woman’s voice—if that woman is speaking about matters of conflict.

Who find something wrong with a woman’s appearance—if that woman is asserting herself.

Who find her hands too manicured —what is she doing wasting time on her hands? Or too rough—what’s wrong with her hands?

Who find her hair too fixed or too— Well, forget that one. No one is going to be able to say that Kamala Harris spends more time on her hair than Donald Trump.

There are people who even have a hard time reconciling Kamala Harris’s sweetness and good humor with the ability to be commander-in-chief. Again, this seems to me to be an unconscious bias against her femininity. Biden could be incredibly sweet to a child with a stutter; he’d elicit deserve accolades. And it would not detract from his presentation as a national defender; ditto Obama.

But even the kindness of a woman, and a jubilant sense of humor, can be treated as a mark against her. (Of course, God forbid the woman should be sharp, or not have an unfailing sense of humor!)

You get my point. It’s so obvious, but still so present.

There are simply many people who find the idea of a powerful woman great in principal, but who are uncomfortable with the specifics of any actual woman. There’s just something that doesn’t sit well with them; something that they just can’t put their finger on.

I don’t know what I’m asking for here. Maybe that we all just do what we can to combat this unconscious bias. That we point it out. That we try to send out a mental wave against it, that, we emit, to the best of our abilities, a positive buzz. That we pay attention.

Because we need people not only to support Kamala Harris, but to be genuinely enthusiastic. (I am.)

Thanks.

(Finally, please note that when I say negative things about Donald Trump, I don’t mean to attack his supporters. They are not Donald Trump; I’m sorry the GOP has let them down.)

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Arlington

September 8, 2024

I post the picture above because it is a picture made by my mother, whose ashes are now buried, with my father’s, in Arlington National Cemetery.

It feels late to make this post; days have gone by since Trump’s crass and illegal campaign stunt in Arlington.

But it is hard to get Trump’s stunt out of my mind. Perhaps because both of my parents are at Arlington.

And when I think of Arlington, I cannot help but think of the immense pride they took during their lifetimes in the fact that my father’s long military service (active duty in two wars) qualified them for burial there.

And when I think of Arlington, I also cannot help but think of how beautiful my parents’ actual funeral services were; how kind and caring the Arlington Staff is, how unfailingly they honor the veterans buried there, and their families.

Maybe the quality of the place is hard to grasp if you do not have family there. I grew up in DC and visited Arlington several times as a child, and yes, I felt moved by the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier and, especially, by JFK’s eternal flame. And I remember, even as a child, of how serious Arlington felt, how sobering, how impressive.

But the day my father’s ashes were buried there, with caisson and honor guard, I developed a very different understanding of Arlington. Suddenly, all those headstones were people. And the love and devotion, sacrifice and loss, of those people became very real. And the dignity and beauty and quiet of the place with so very many of those headstones in its expanses of that deep green grass, filled me (and fills me always) with grief, and awe, and gravity.

So, I forgive those who are not as outraged by Trump’s conduct as I am. Perhaps they just don’t know what Arlington is like; perhaps it is hard for them to realize how terrible that thumbs-up photo feels.

But anyone who wants to be commander-in-chief should know. They should understand what Arlington means. They should not let their campaign use phrases like “hollowed [sic] grounds.” Any person who acts in that way should not be in control over the fates of soldiers, and their families.

Please don’t give him that control.

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