everything becoming something else (late fall)

20131112-100244.jpg
everything becoming something else (late fall)

all day the crows carry on
over the carrion
the black flags
of their rise/descent
flagging iridescent the gone
and soon to be gone
till bones picked to stone
stick
in the field’s craw
the pick of what crawls
marrow turning to field

tomorrow scrawled by frost
the crows’ raw caws carry on raucous
somewhere else
we stamp our feet
against the fresh shiver delighted
cold

******************************
I’ve been working very hard and had no time to write but here’s something that went bump in the night.

I am someone who ALWAYS uses punctuation and I have no sense of how to use enjambment without it, but this poem seemed to me to have more possibilities without punctuation–on the other hand, it may be difficult to follow. So, for those, like me, who like punctuation, I’ve included another version.

I am posting this for the open link nights of dverse poets pub and With Real Toads.

***********************************************************

Everything Becoming Something Else (late fall)

All day the crows carry on
over the carrion,
the black flags
of their rise/descent
flagging iridescent the gone
and soon to be gone
till bones picked to stone stick
in the field’s craw, the pick
of what crawls,
marrow turning to field.

Tomorrow, scrawled by frost,
the crows’ raw caws carry on raucous
somewhere else;
we stamp our feet
against the fresh shiver, delighted
cold.

*************************************
I’m not actually sure about the punctuation of that “tomorrow” line–.

Ps — I know picture not quite right but have not had much time. Thanks

Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, Uncategorized

20 Comments on “everything becoming something else (late fall)”


  1. Oh! I love November poetry.

  2. hedgewitch Says:

    I like it both ways, but I think the force of the words is more apparent in the first–not a polite or mannered treatment of subject, though the ideas are a bit more separated and digestible in the second–still, either way, a cunning, basic, rather black and white-lit snap of fall and what it means. Glad you found time to write it, k.

  3. claudia Says:

    i like both versions…second slightly more but i think it’s cool to play around a bit and i always find it amazing what a comma or not or line break or not can do to a poem…nice

  4. Marian Says:

    wish i’d written this: “crows’ raw caws carry on raucous”
    yowza!

  5. Sherry Marr Says:

    I found it easier to read the second, with punctuation, just because my brain needs all the help it can get these days. A wonderful write, and the raw and raucous caws line is just stellar!

  6. Fran Says:

    I’m an e.e. cummings fan, so I prefer the version at the top. I really like this. Brava.

  7. grapeling Says:

    you may have noticed that I often eschew punctuation, so I prefer the former – the sound aloud can be played with, altered, run over tongue like fine rum.


  8. November poetry are soo much stronger than any sweet summer poetry. The melancholy the darkness… it brings out the best images. I’m moving back and forth on punctuation, I think both versions worked very well.


  9. I love your “bumps in the night”. I love autumn poetry, it’s full of feeling.

    Greetings from London.

  10. brian miller Says:

    actually i rather like the first one as well….the crows, the symbolism in them of what so heavily rings during this time of year….i go back and forth on punctuation as well…


  11. Love the crow sounds in this.

  12. Truedessa Says:

    I enjoyed both versions thank you for sharing them..I am not sure which I like more as I have mixed feelings on punctuation but, I
    did feel the message of the poem as November rolls in on dark wings.


  13. I am more of a punctuation person, bit I think this works both ways. With no punctuation, I auto-pause anyways at the end of a line, so it mostly works (except next to last line, I do like that comma between shiver and delighted to clarify the thought. I like the content of the poem too. Shivering in the cold here in my neck of the woods tonight, not exactly wit delight either!

  14. Pat Hatt Says:

    Both were grand in your land, but #2 slightly wins for me, as the season is set free

  15. Brendan Says:

    The revision is tighter – more knuckles in the poem’s delivery. Thanks for showing that craft counts. Not sure how long it took to get to, “marrow turning to field,” but for me that was the poem’s epicenter.


  16. I’m with Brendan, marrow turning to field is a fabulous line.


  17. I’ll be brief, there’s a wonderful sense of integrity in this piece, a scurrying at a slow pace from the details ! Lovingly Debbie

  18. shanyns Says:

    We’ve been watching ravens and magpies eating the apples still on the trees – frozen and probably very fermented in the sun! This is a very cool November set.


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