She longed for days of pluck and dapple
when mind shucked off Eve’s bite of apple
and consequences were but a rind
uncurled upon a platter fine
(which turned out to be a plate of moon
sleeved in porcelain for the afternoon).

But care malingered, with its pal, woe,
smuggling in the status quo;
though fingers on her forehead would
smooth what tangled up the good–
tuck hair, slow pace, scent sweet her wrist–
a fist-tanged cramp marked every twist.

And twist she must, and twist time did
till wrung thin as a katydid,
she broadcast to the high-shelved moon
a wheedle-pitched bowlegged tune,
that braised the eve in plaintive call
bemoaning both night and human fall.

Here’s a belated draft poem for With Real Toads
for a prompt involving list words imagined by the wonderful Kerry O’Connor, the list of words supplied by yours truly, Manicddaily. It’s belated and a draft as I’ve had a very busy couple of days. I’m not a huge fan of writing poems from list, but everyone’s I’ve seen have been wonderful, and I enjoyed the exercise also. Check out the wonderful poets at With Real Toads.

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19 Comments on “Twilit”

  1. Akila Says:

    The rhyming elevates the theme and the form here. Slowly and gently opening itself

  2. The added texture on the tree branches look like snakes offering the apples! I like how you used “Eve” in the first stanza and end with “eve” in the last stanza “bemoaning both night and human fall.”

  3. Love the rhyming pattern. It’s got a nice, melodic structure. Many thanks.

    Greetings from London.

  4. brian miller Says:

    nice….rather like that last stanza…it has an enchanting rhythm to it and cool phrasing as well k…broadcast to the shelved moon a wheedled bow legged tune…ha…and katydids..def cool…

  5. I think this is nothing short of brilliant – set of words aside. You show your consummate skill at arranging sounds and visuals on a line without ever losing sight of what it is you are communicating to the reader. I’m very impressed with this poem.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks so much, Kerry. I worked on it on plane and it felt good to me though I’ve been a bit stressed on this trip so felt a certain level of insecurity and I had very hard time with the ending– did a bunch of them and still not so sure. I appreciate your kindness. K.

  6. whimsygizmo Says:

    Oh, my. Stunning. Your rhymes are controlled, weighed carefully, gorgeous.

  7. hedgewitch Says:

    You rose to the rhyme challenge and made your list skip smoothly to it–I especially like the moon sleeved in porcelain, the rind as a consequence of eating the fruit, the sense of strain in fist-tanged wrist, and the thinness of the katydid(!) as the narrator tries to make herself up, as it were, or remake herself possibly. Vivid image and very smooth delivery of a lot of complex ideas. Really an interesting, challenging and well-written piece, k.

  8. cloudfactor5 Says:

    Really impressive, I think Kerry, De, and Joy have summed up this brilliant bit of writing rather well !! I really enjoyed this !!

  9. henna ink Says:

    Wow, what a gorgeous image! And oh, I love your final stanza. I enjoyed your rhyming and rhythm throughout.

    This is my favorite line:
    “tuck hair, slow pace, scent sweet her wrist”

  10. I like the word play K specially the use of braised in the last verse:

    she broadcast to the shelvéd moon
    a wheedle-pitched bowlegged tune,
    that braised the eve in plaintive call
    bemoaning both night and human fall.

    Thanks for the word list challenge ~


  11. janehewey Says:

    in a hundred poems I would not have guessed this was from a list. It has a Sandburg feel to it…mixed with your stellar use of punctuation.I admire your action phrases… rind uncurled, tangled up the good-, twist time, braised the eve… They carry your straightforward images with gusto. I enjoyed this very much.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks so much, jane. I have been reading your all is well poem–which is very impressive. I have not been in a good situation for commenting– answering this as email, but have enjoyed the poem and will get back to you. K.

  12. I must agree with Miss Jane above…. Sandberg does seem to shout from this. Or perhaps more of Anne Sexton’s style is seasoning it. Anne has always been a favorite abstract poet, though as a classical poet myself I find myself restricted to the wings for admiration alone….. I certainly admire this one Miss Manic….

  13. sincerely ~ I was engrossed by every stanza! Magnificent !

  14. grapeling Says:

    Karin, this is a fine write, supple, fluid, and pleasingly rhythmic. I also did not see the ‘list’ because you so smoothly incorporated the words. ~ M

  15. Margaret Says:

    I appreciate the rhythm and rhyme and the whole first stanza (for me) is OFF the charts amazing! You consider this a draft? (I give up ;P

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