Twilit
Twilit
She longed for days of pluck and dapple
when mind shucked off Eve’s bite of apple
and consequences were but a rind
uncurled upon a platter fine
(which turned out to be a plate of moon
sleeved in porcelain for the afternoon).
But care malingered, with its pal, woe,
smuggling in the status quo;
though fingers on her forehead would
smooth what tangled up the good–
tuck hair, slow pace, scent sweet her wrist–
a fist-tanged cramp marked every twist.
And twist she must, and twist time did
till wrung thin as a katydid,
she broadcast to the high-shelved moon
a wheedle-pitched bowlegged tune,
that braised the eve in plaintive call
bemoaning both night and human fall.
*********************************
Here’s a belated draft poem for With Real Toads
for a prompt involving list words imagined by the wonderful Kerry O’Connor, the list of words supplied by yours truly, Manicddaily. It’s belated and a draft as I’ve had a very busy couple of days. I’m not a huge fan of writing poems from list, but everyone’s I’ve seen have been wonderful, and I enjoyed the exercise also. Check out the wonderful poets at With Real Toads.
Tags: http://withrealtoads.blogspot.cocm, list poem, manicddaily, no dappling in all shade, regret for being human, sleeved in porcelain, Twilit poem
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
ManicDDaily 
May 24, 2013 at 12:05 am
The rhyming elevates the theme and the form here. Slowly and gently opening itself
May 24, 2013 at 4:35 am
The added texture on the tree branches look like snakes offering the apples! I like how you used “Eve” in the first stanza and end with “eve” in the last stanza “bemoaning both night and human fall.”
May 24, 2013 at 4:47 am
Love the rhyming pattern. It’s got a nice, melodic structure. Many thanks.
Greetings from London.
May 24, 2013 at 5:27 am
nice….rather like that last stanza…it has an enchanting rhythm to it and cool phrasing as well k…broadcast to the shelved moon a wheedled bow legged tune…ha…and katydids..def cool…
May 24, 2013 at 8:44 am
I think this is nothing short of brilliant – set of words aside. You show your consummate skill at arranging sounds and visuals on a line without ever losing sight of what it is you are communicating to the reader. I’m very impressed with this poem.
May 24, 2013 at 9:11 am
Thanks so much, Kerry. I worked on it on plane and it felt good to me though I’ve been a bit stressed on this trip so felt a certain level of insecurity and I had very hard time with the ending– did a bunch of them and still not so sure. I appreciate your kindness. K.
May 24, 2013 at 11:10 am
Oh, my. Stunning. Your rhymes are controlled, weighed carefully, gorgeous.
May 24, 2013 at 1:11 pm
You rose to the rhyme challenge and made your list skip smoothly to it–I especially like the moon sleeved in porcelain, the rind as a consequence of eating the fruit, the sense of strain in fist-tanged wrist, and the thinness of the katydid(!) as the narrator tries to make herself up, as it were, or remake herself possibly. Vivid image and very smooth delivery of a lot of complex ideas. Really an interesting, challenging and well-written piece, k.
May 24, 2013 at 2:25 pm
Really impressive, I think Kerry, De, and Joy have summed up this brilliant bit of writing rather well !! I really enjoyed this !!
May 24, 2013 at 4:03 pm
Wow, what a gorgeous image! And oh, I love your final stanza. I enjoyed your rhyming and rhythm throughout.
This is my favorite line:
“tuck hair, slow pace, scent sweet her wrist”
May 24, 2013 at 9:51 pm
I like the word play K specially the use of braised in the last verse:
she broadcast to the shelvéd moon
a wheedle-pitched bowlegged tune,
that braised the eve in plaintive call
bemoaning both night and human fall.
Thanks for the word list challenge ~
Grace
May 24, 2013 at 10:07 pm
Thanks you, Grace.
May 26, 2013 at 12:32 pm
in a hundred poems I would not have guessed this was from a list. It has a Sandburg feel to it…mixed with your stellar use of punctuation.I admire your action phrases… rind uncurled, tangled up the good-, twist time, braised the eve… They carry your straightforward images with gusto. I enjoyed this very much.
May 26, 2013 at 1:10 pm
Thanks so much, jane. I have been reading your all is well poem–which is very impressive. I have not been in a good situation for commenting– answering this as email, but have enjoyed the poem and will get back to you. K.
May 27, 2013 at 7:14 am
I must agree with Miss Jane above…. Sandberg does seem to shout from this. Or perhaps more of Anne Sexton’s style is seasoning it. Anne has always been a favorite abstract poet, though as a classical poet myself I find myself restricted to the wings for admiration alone….. I certainly admire this one Miss Manic….
May 27, 2013 at 8:39 pm
sincerely ~ I was engrossed by every stanza! Magnificent !
October 14, 2013 at 6:26 pm
Karin, this is a fine write, supple, fluid, and pleasingly rhythmic. I also did not see the ‘list’ because you so smoothly incorporated the words. ~ M
October 14, 2013 at 6:36 pm
Ha. Thanks. I had forgotten about this one! Thanks for your kind comment. K.
>
October 15, 2013 at 7:24 pm
I appreciate the rhythm and rhyme and the whole first stanza (for me) is OFF the charts amazing! You consider this a draft? (I give up ;P