Somethings Shocking
Somethings Shocking
You will die
as will everyone
you know
even the people you don’t know
the children you so love
their children
all the people on this train, the blur
of the train
just passed–
at some point everyone everywhere will lie
mouth agape
even if only
a gap in ash
a swill of sea
someone (if the deceased was lucky)
will beg that mouth to speak,
to forgive, please to just
release them
also to stay
***************
Draft poem for Mama Zen’s prompt about something shocking on Real Toads with word count of 77. Pic is mine of an ancient Egyptian piece in the permanent collection of New York’s Metropolitan Museum. (Unfortunately, I did not get the dynasty!) All rights reserved. (Ha.)
This has been edited slightly since first posting, and since all the comments! (Agape was ajar.)
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, UncategorizedTags: agh poem, http://withrealtoads.blogspot.com, it comes to us all poem, manicddaily, Somethings Shocking, What we don't like to think about poem
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ManicDDaily 
February 19, 2016 at 11:35 pm
“also to stay” Yes!
February 19, 2016 at 11:51 pm
Shocking from beginning to end. So much truth… and some of it (the last two stanzas) not pretty at all. There is a lot of intensity in the last few lines–the relief found in absolution, and that other not so comfortable feeling that leaves a person feeling thankful before it didn’t happen to them… they get “to stay”.
February 20, 2016 at 5:47 am
Thanks Magaly. I was thinking more that they were asking the dead person to stay but you are right that that is a plea the living certainly make for themselves
February 20, 2016 at 2:15 am
So true.. The simplest of truths is always the most shocking. That parting in the end really put the point where it belongs.
February 20, 2016 at 5:11 am
Knowing enough of your backstory that train travel is a frequent passage, its such a great metaphor for lives hurling to and fro, for the way time is a moment and then gone. The Egyptian reference makes the observation mythical – timeless — and yet still heartbreaking.
February 20, 2016 at 5:14 am
Intimations of mortality may strike one’s consciousness at strange times.
February 20, 2016 at 9:36 am
It is shocking to think of everyone living dead, though we know that’s the way of it. Then you add the last line, and remind us the opposite is even more shocking.
February 20, 2016 at 10:53 am
It never stops being shocking, does it?
February 20, 2016 at 11:18 am
This is wonderful, especially the closing line!
February 20, 2016 at 3:58 pm
This might be a draft but to me it is a fully-formed poem in its own right. The beginning is very strong, planting the idea of death in the reader’s mind. The ending is beautiful. Thanks. 🙂
Greetings from London.
February 24, 2016 at 2:40 am
do you know the Flaming Lips song, Do You Realize? worth a listen…
February 24, 2016 at 7:14 am
Do not know but will try to listen this weekend! k.
On Wed, Feb 24, 2016 at 2:40 AM, ManicDDaily wrote:
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