In the Mountains (Late July)

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In the Mountains (Late July)

By evening, Fall has come.
All day it pushed against the sun,
which fought back with a full
corona,
as if grandeur could sunder thunder,
as if the hulking bulk of cloud it broke
into beamed heavens
would not more heavily
regroup,
as if it could shun time
with shine.

Until, after yet another rain, Fall
staked its reign, if just
for a foray, infiltrating
shaken leaves that, like riddled battlements,
will soon be blown sky high.
My sleeves already
are pierced, even as I hold tight
my arms,
and my face finds an old pallor
in the gloaming.

***********************************

Very much a draft poem for Margaret Bednar’s “Play It Again, Sam” prompt on Real Toads.  This one responds to an archived challenge by Kerry O’Connor to consider cadence in free verse.   I had several additional lines in this poem–a whole assortment==but got my husband involved as an editor–he is very much of the less is more school–so leaving it here. 

 

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12 Comments on “In the Mountains (Late July)”

  1. X Says:

    I can feel the first fingers of fall, but i fear it is still a time off. It is my favorite season and gone too soon. We have not gotten the same reprieve. Will be nice to see the battlements blown, and a cool breeze to break my sweat.

  2. ellaedge Says:

    I love your ending and the way you shared the wonder and battle~


  3. I read this slowly, with full stops and starts. It reminds me of Fall and the slowing down and cooling.

  4. Sumana Roy Says:

    “All day it pushed against the sun, / which fought back with a full
    corona”…the lines are to be deeply felt…

  5. journalread Says:

    The cadences you’ve captured here are beautifully rhythmic, modulated, with inflections to lift them – I adore the word ‘gloaming’, a fab finale to your poem.

  6. hedgewitch Says:

    Just gorgeous, k. Maybe I am influenced by my hatred of this stifling heat, but you made Autumn–even its temporary ninja infiltrations– seem like a paradise here, and the visuals only reinforce the feel of her cool breeze, the richness of the cycle more apparent in ending than in struggling…esp like the last five lines.

  7. Sherry Marr Says:

    This is very beautiful to read – your use of cadence is honed to perfection, I believe. I especially like “as if it could shun time with shine.” Sigh. If only!

  8. lynn__ Says:

    Fall comes early to the mountains…and it is glorious! Your wordplay and syncopated cadence fits the changing seasons beautifully, K, (and your editor corralled the essentials, i think) 🙂

  9. margaret Says:

    ” like riddled battlements,
    will soon be blown sky high.

    What an exciting vision of a fall wind. LOVE it

  10. M Says:

    I love this line: Fall staked its reign… ~


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