What She Pictured Then (Gogo Dancer)

What She Pictured Then (Gogo Dancer)

The boredom was what crushed most.  She pictured then
her nipples as satellites, revolving
around their own little–in her case–decent-
sized orbits, ignoring the long-lolling
blur below her cage, for the disco ball,
a million mirrored surfaces of death star
that held her as its ward of light and fall,
casting a fierce laser certain to sear
any worm of flesh that dared squiggle
slobber close, till even so fortified,
she could no longer linger in wiggle;
mind simply had to step away.  Then she tried
to find a way home, a spring when brown dead stalk
gleaned flakes of true star, late snow’s cold clean walk.

*************************************

Here’s a drafty sort of poem–a sonnet (my go-to form when what I’m thinking of isn’t very poetic)–for the 6th day of this April 2015 National Poetry Month, and also my own prompt on With Real Toads to write about seeing stars.   I appreciate that squiggle and wiggle push the envelope in a way that could be deemed mocking here, which I do not mean, but hey!  this is a month of experimentation–

 

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19 Comments on “What She Pictured Then (Gogo Dancer)”

  1. Kerry O'Connor Says:

    I love these sonnets of yours which have an asymmetrical feel about them. Experimental is definitely where it is at this month, and the rhymes hold true while the lines do their own thing. As we get older are we more inclined to view our bodies with a kind of rueful affection, do you think?

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Ha. Yes. But I do not mean this to be about me! I mean, I’ve been a waitress but never an exotic dancer!

      I am still fairly self-critical of my body, but mainly glad that it functions! k.

      On Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 11:06 AM, ManicDDaily wrote:

      >

  2. ihatepoetry Says:

    I really liked this poem, and yes, acceptance of one’s body and self may always be a challenge, but I love how you described yours.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks! It really is not meant as me! But I can see I should make that clearer in the title or something. But glad you liked the poem. k.

      On Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 11:25 AM, ManicDDaily wrote:

      >

  3. hedgewitch Says:

    ‘..a million mirrored surfaces of death star…’–that is a perfect visual, especially in this context. I think the ‘drafty’ qualities, ie, the spontaneous feel of this write, works well, and the sonnet form is a good comfortable shoe for it that yet gives it some glamor and shine. I also think this oblique approach to the topic is rather more effective than a lot of more obvious routes you could have taken, actually. Thanks again for the work that went into this challenge, and for the pleasure of waking up to so many starry elephant children.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks–yes–I wanted to do something different, as I knew I could not just come up with a true star poem today–the sonnet is an old shoe for me as I don’t worry much about doing it right! Ha! Thanks again. k.

      On Mon, Apr 6, 2015 at 11:53 AM, ManicDDaily wrote:

      >

      • hedgewitch Says:

        But a comfortable, expensive, handsewn old shoe that doesn’t show the wear in anything but the easy way it hangs on to your foot. ;_)


  4. I love the way you used the star theme to liken to nipples and the satellite movement! Imaginative, I think. 🙂 Thank you for the challenge, Karen!

  5. Snakypoet (Rosemary Nissen-Wade) Says:

    I too didn’t pick up at first that it was about an exotic dancer — not until I read your comment that says so. Then I went back and read it again, and it brought it to life in a completely new, more vivid and powerful way. I don’t know why we aren’t getting it straight off – the clues are all there. It probably needs only the tiniest tweak to make it clear.


  6. for the disco ball,
    a million mirrored surfaces of death star… I love it cause it is clever and because it holds a depth of meaning for exotic dancers.

  7. Sanaa Rizvi Says:

    Such a beautiful sonnet…. left me absolutely speechless!
    xoxo

    http://www.adashofsunny.com

  8. Susan Says:

    “casting a fierce laser certain to sear
    any worm of flesh that dared squiggle
    slobber close”
    An apt response to boredom when doing the same dance for the same people over and over! Nicely done.

  9. Ella Says:

    Wow-this is daring and bold-I love it~ You shined a light on a trance dance!

  10. Jim Says:

    You go-to sonnet form did you well, k. Disco dances have become quietened and almost has your disco queen. I think she still has the moves but not the skin.
    Thank you for the nice prompt. I couldn’t make what I wanted to write work for me and the sub stinks. Sorry.
    ..


  11. Self-acceptance…It isn’t always easy. I love your brave walk through its journey.

  12. M Says:

    I love that you put squiggle and wiggle in a pen, K ~


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