A Time (Not-Paradelled)

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A Time (Not-Paradelled)

Mourning doves marked time in those hours of rose.
Mourning, dove-marked, timed those hours in rows.
We listened as land listens to echoes, carefully.
(we listened as land listens to echoes carefully.)
Mourning time, we listened as echoes;
land listed, doves rose.

What else were we to do
with those carefully marked hours–

 

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Here’s a sort of poem that’s not quite right for two challenges–With Real Toad’s 55 prompt by Fireblossom/Shay. (The piece IS 55 words–) And part of a sort-of Paradelle for Brian Miller’s prompt on dVerse Poets Pub.  This is a form made up as a kind of joke by Billy Collins–so a modification seems fine to me.  (I think the full form would work better in a humorous poem.) 

For some reason my picture got cut. Agh! All rights reserved as always.

Also I’ve edited the poem since posting a couple of times–Thanks!  k.  

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20 Comments on “A Time (Not-Paradelled)”

  1. hedgewitch Says:

    I find the form to be so full of repetition that it makes nonsense of itself and the whole concept of form poetry, which maybe is what is perversely intended (disclaimer: I am not a Collins fan, and I like forms)–you’ve done a great job of taming it here, k, so that it doesn’t fly off into mere rote, exaggeration, or silliness–the plays on words are stunning and apt, especially the first two lines and the echo part. Really liked it, and all kudos for doing something serious and real with a parody-form. I also note and tip the hat to your discriminating use of the comma. ;_)

  2. brian miller Says:

    i think that if we took the time to listen as land listens to the echoes…ah we might be better off…i like the little changes line to line…and after the repetition that last bit kinda pops

  3. othermary Says:

    Oh, lovely!


  4. I think you’ve just developed a new form, Karin, and it works so well.I completely zoned out on the paradelle prompt. Good for you to take it and develop it for yourself.

  5. arushiahuja Says:

    its lyrical.. it should have music.. lovely!!

  6. Susan Says:

    This repetition is like the knell of a bell that rings for … Excellent.

  7. lynndiane Says:

    Very creative, K…your picture and poem are unparalleled, really!

  8. coalblack Says:

    Oh my gosh, I love this.

  9. Mama Zen Says:

    This is really cool!

  10. Jim Says:

    Those morning doves are rising (they rose) in unison didn’t they!

    Right away I was reminded of our five-year-old grand-daughter’s telling yesterday of someone she knew who had been playing rough. I wasn’t tuned in real good and said to her, “Ruff, ruff.” She told me, “Papa, there are two meanings of the word ‘rough’.”
    ..


  11. The first repetitions made a perfect sense to me, as echoes does.. and sometimes just listening to that mourning is the best we can do..


  12. I’m not sure I understand the purpose of the paradelle, but I do appreciate your clever word-play and neat conceptualization in 55 words.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      The paradelle is a bit of a goof, only the repetition can be fun. But I agree with you–the purpose of a form is really to help you find meaning and lyricism and not to defeat it. Thanks, Kerry. k.

  13. grapeling Says:

    wow – I saw the prompt and immediately said, no, but as Hedge notes, you rocked it ~

  14. Marian Says:

    reading this as i listen to the mourning doves coo out on the morning roof… i really like it. you have style to spare, Karin.


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