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“You’re hurting me,” she whimpered.
“I want to hurt you,” he said.

In the hours afterwards,
lying on a bathroom floor,
next to the clawed feet
of a large porcelain bathtub
so white it also hurt–he’d been
a pale man–
she did not understand
that it was rape,
only that she was stupid
and that she hated herself,
and, after her torso
was wrung out,
that it did not feel
like her lying there–how could that be her
on a bathroom floor?
The person lying there
also hated her stupid self, but she

was wedged in a purple corner
where ceiling
met wall,
by a crack in the molding,
where she looked down
at some person,

who might in fact
be her; certainly, the tiles that backed her arms
were cold enough.



Here’s a rather chilling draft poem.  (Please do not take it as autobiography!  Writers are imaginative people!)  It was inspired by a host of different prompts and conversations, but not really appropriate for any so not linking it.      



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12 Comments on “Aftermath”

  1. Kerry O'Connor Says:

    It is hard to turn such tragic moments of anyone’s life into poetry. Yet there are so many women and children subjected to this hateful crime that some intrepid voice must speak up for them. I commend you for your ability to imagine such a scene, and, more, to understand the terror and self-loathing that often stand side by side the victim.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks, Kerry. To write from the perspective of people in terribly violent situations (which I didn’t really here) is something to think about–one feels almost patronizing to try at all, though I might at some point because what you say is so very true. That said, what I was aiming at was the self-loathing part– You know I am more and more conscious of how I waste effort/time/life in not being brave enough at least in writing, if not in life. Your words are very inspiring. Thank you. k.

      On Sat, Oct 25, 2014 at 10:18 AM, ManicDDaily wrote:


  2. jyotsnabhatia86 Says:

    That indeed was sad !!

  3. mhwarren Says:

    You captured the details well here- the girl leaving her body to watch from above disconnected from herself- and having it occur in an almost clinical setting is chilling.

  4. hedgewitch Says:

    A bleak place, but a very real and true one, K–also one that I think is easily relatable whether you have had this particular tragedy in your life or not–very human, yet still brutal and horrible and frightening. Excellent writing, and the crux is no matter what is done to us, we are always always the first thing we blame, and the hardest on ourselves.

  5. claudia Says:

    oh dang – that breaks my heart – what a tough place to be – no wonder that the self kinda splits from itself to ease the pain

  6. Abhra Says:

    Karin – this is such a powerful write. You describe the aftermath of such horrid incident so perfectly – truly takes a lot to master that.

  7. Yes, you have painted the scene and the feelings to perfection, especially the self-loathing,. so undeserved, but so common to those who have been violated.

  8. Polly Says:

    Gosh, but that’s one powerful and angst-ridden poem, k. Awesome.

  9. Grace Says:

    Chilling and tragic story ~ I can only imagine the horror and terrible consequences of it ~

  10. brian miller Says:

    well i kinda want to go puke now…at him…at her putting it all on herself….heartbreaking….

  11. grapeling Says:

    did you read the story of the CBC reporter being fired this weekend for allegedly sexually abusing his GF and a few others? a chilling story, and he’s come out swinging in his defense. such a difficult topic to write about sensitively but also strongly, but you’ve done so here ~

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