Down
Down
Sadness roosts on me,
brooding over
my ears; feathers, the stiff kind, tasting
of poke and copper and more dust
than a shaft of light could ever hope
to carry.
Eyes reach
for the motes
in their rafter downdrift
as if brilliance were
something that could be held
in dust, as if one might, in turn,
catch hold of it, as if it would still shine, caught.
*******************************
Here’s a draft poem inspired by Victoria Slotto’s prompt on synesthesia at dVerse Poets Pub (Meeting the Bar), though, honestly, I don’t think I’ve at all displayed any synesthesia (confused senses) here, just confusion.
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, UncategorizedTags: "Down" poem, Depressing roosting, Feathers poking copper, http://dVersepoets.com, I've got a chicken on my head, iPad art, manicddaily
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
ManicDDaily 
May 31, 2013 at 10:37 am
Really excellent work with the symbology of concepts here, with feel and weight of what should be weightless but which gets into everything, has its own energy and shape, and refuses to be wafted away even as it dances for us in lightbeam or breeze. The poem also has a strong, beating tension, like a bad headache, a throb to it that builds to that striking and perfect resolution, where there seems to be a glimpse of will and light to build a little medicine. Or so it reads for me. So good to see your poetry again, k.
May 31, 2013 at 10:41 am
Ha. Thanks. I have missed it very much – I really do feel like more of a prose writer, but my life has been terribly busy and I have not had the larger blocks of time (or faith) I need for that, so if I’m not writing poetry or drawing, I just don’t do anything much. (Very depressing.) I think the time issues will get better. We’ve had a great deal going on, and will be playing catch-up for a while, I think. Your kindness is very much appreciated. k.
May 31, 2013 at 10:50 am
as if brilliance could be in dust…and still be there if caught….does brilliance stay in anything caught? nice internal rhyme and flw in this as well k
May 31, 2013 at 10:52 am
Don’t think it does. Great way of putting it, Brian. k.
May 31, 2013 at 11:02 am
There is a sense of the domestication of sadness here. The voice is also a place. shaft of light and rafter downdrift make it palpable. In the end you talk of grabbing hold of brilliance. you are also grabbing hold of–defining– sadness. the brilliance seems to have a life of its own, separate from the sadness, and in this poem the one reaches to grab hold of the other. really wonderful poem,k.
May 31, 2013 at 11:06 am
Thanks much, Jane, for your very thoughtful comment. k.
May 31, 2013 at 11:46 am
I particularly like the opening lines, K ~ The dust, motes, taste of poke and copper – all evoke the feeling of “down” ~ Love your work here ~
May 31, 2013 at 1:18 pm
Oh my, it works so well–the blending of the words and image to create such an atmospheric poem, almost oppression. Truly skilled use of the prompt.
May 31, 2013 at 1:49 pm
that last lines with the brilliance in the dust…i wonder if it always finds a way out of the dust or makes the dust a different place and structure.. need to ponder this for a bit..
May 31, 2013 at 3:31 pm
Hi, thanks Claudia. What I was really thinking of here was the dust that floats down in sunned air – you know, the dust that is particulate matter in a shaft of sun. So it’s not really dust on the ground, although that can sparkle too, and it may work for that. Thanks again. k.
May 31, 2013 at 2:16 pm
Karin, love the symbolism you used here. I agree this is skilled poem, and it does seem drafty to me. Fine work.
Pamela
May 31, 2013 at 2:18 pm
*it doesn’t seem drafty to me* egads! I type faster than my brain.
May 31, 2013 at 3:44 pm
Ha! No worries! Me too! k.
May 31, 2013 at 2:18 pm
Really a poem that made me ponder… brilliance and dust… a lot of sadness here… I think spring water being absorbed into arrid land… might be wrong… but thats the feeling I get..
May 31, 2013 at 5:59 pm
I certainly felt the brooding sadness (and for someone with a feather allergy, I perhaps imagined extra misery from the itch and sneeze).
May 31, 2013 at 10:49 pm
…sadness is a vital part of us… for me, it’s a saddening condition not to feel sad at times but all happiness alone… the down part is just a reminder that the earth is wide for our feet to land on… be well Karin… glad to read you again… smiles…
June 1, 2013 at 1:29 am
such sadness in this – loved the last two lines!
June 1, 2013 at 6:55 pm
I will send over my chickens to cheer you up! Ah, I love your art…
June 1, 2013 at 8:41 pm
Ha! Thanks so much. k.
June 3, 2013 at 1:28 am
So intensely emotional. Good job!