“Making Me Feel Better

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Making Me Feel Better

I ask him, if I die–(if)
would he hold me
till the last moment.

I know he will, though not
why I need to hear it — I have no illness, not
yet, but he’s not
right here and tears of an instant
jam me, their heat as tight
as clothes I should have
grown out of–and I feel again
a child, home alone, sick
and out of school for the day, when, shaken
by the hollow house, I would go
outside and sit upon the curb–there, out
by the mailbox–even fevered–
so that there would be places, I thought,
where I could run;
so that I would not, I hoped,
be trapped;
imagining in the narrows of corridor
and mind, some body, padded with shadow, blocking
my every egress.

Now, I’ve had so many friends–
I won’t count them–who’ve gone already, trapped
inside bodies that would not
hold them, not here, and he says
‘oh, darling–’

***************************************

I am posting the above for Anna Montgomery’s great prompt at dVerse Poets Pub “Meeting the Bar” on flow and creativity.  It’s a wonderful article on creative engagement, and how that brings a kind of energy to one’s life and work.  I was thinking here more about flow – my personal blocks and twists–and really how the mind flows too – though mine sloshes more than flows, I think – like a rather leaky bowl! 

(The picture, albeit without elephants, is original.  So, as always, all rights reserved.)

ps – kind of a draftish poem – maybe the end should refer simply to bodies “that would not hold them here, and he says, ‘oh darling–” I don’t know.   Sometimes things flow too fast. k.

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52 Comments on ““Making Me Feel Better”

  1. wolfsrosebud Says:

    … to be held such a wonderful thing… I like the original ending

  2. claudia Says:

    oh wow k. – this is so moving – really a felt write.. wonderfully done

  3. brian miller Says:

    interesting…i like the open much more than the closed…so i can relate to your going out to sit on the curb and the options it gives…nice too how the tears are tight…and at times relationships can feel tight as well…but tight can be comforting at times…anyway you had me spinning that direction as i read today k…smiles.

  4. Glenn Buttkus Says:

    dark as a cellar shelf, yet daring to soar first within, then leap frogs the dimensions of death itself; challenging the universe, your friends & (poetic) family; loved it; had the flow & energy to spare.
    I, too, have waved the carinate salute to those who have made their transitions before me; all of them loved, a shard of entity from each ready for the Great Hug of my own; thanks.

  5. rebecca2000 Says:

    I really like this. It is love that is the true embrace.

  6. shanyns Says:

    Very nicely done! I like it.

  7. Miriam E. Says:

    very moving, Karin.
    whether your mind is ‘sloshing’ or ‘flowing’, the outcome is wonderful. love the ending, great work!

  8. Grace Says:

    I am intrigued by your words K ~ These lines specially struck me:

    be trapped;
    imagining in the narrows of corridor
    and mind, some body, padded with shadow, blocking
    my every egress.

  9. nico Says:

    Exceptional poem, what a great ending!


  10. This is a beautiful reflection on intimacy, love and loss, and those that we must mourn before we’re ready. Very touching and true to life.


  11. This one made me sigh and smile too because isn’t it so true that sometimes we just need words of affirmation, sometimes for no clear reason at all? Beautiful poem!


  12. It would be reduced if you lost that wonderful final line ~ please do keep it k.

  13. Deborah Says:

    personally ~a myriad of mysteries of soulful emotions that are very fluid~ Thank you K.

  14. kkkkaty Says:

    ..the source of this is deep iinside…and you tapped it out so well 😉

  15. Mary Says:

    I think we all need to hear that the one we love will stay with us, will hold us til the last moment. We may know it in our heart, but I think sometimes we need to HEAR it also, be reassured that we will not leave the earth being alone. Your poem affected me deeply, Karin.


  16. “Their heart a tight as clothes I should have grown out of” this is a truly beautiful piece of poetic nostalgia, from the heart. Thankyou for sharing it


  17. The flow of love is life’s greatest gift. I hope it reaches everyone the way we want and need before we’re standing at death’s threshold. Thanks for writing!


  18. I love where this poem take me…for me I remember being sick, lying on the couch at home I would go away to so many places in my imagination… I loved the urgency trying to find a way through… quite beautiful. 🙂

  19. Ruth Says:

    oh beautiful! & at the same time beautifully sad {sighs… sighs}


  20. Nice. I love the picture, too. Peace, Linda

  21. lucychili Says:

    how could you not hold your love as they are leaving
    yes frightening powerful poem.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      No I meant that the person’s own body did not hold them, in the sense of holding their spirit–that the body both trapped them, and also did not hold the spirit/soul here.

  22. Sabio Lantz Says:

    Your poem skillfully tours me from now to your past to your feared future
    and then back to the sadness of lost ones.
    Honest, clear wonderings — nicely done.

  23. G-Man Says:

    Thanks for stopping by Karin…
    Hope to see you next week.
    Your Poem and Art is always Top Notch!!!
    Have a Kick Ass Week-End…G

  24. cloudfactor5 Says:

    very intimate,as my father lay dying with but hours left I was just discussing burial with my wife, so now I’m designing interlocking coffins, with removable panels in-between, so that she can find me and spend eternity together in the unknowable hereafter!

  25. David King Says:

    Moving and lightful in spite of the shadows. I was very drawn to this.


  26. I love your art, and really like this one. The poem is awesome too, though I have to be honest, the line breaks lost me a couple times.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      My line breaks are very thought through but very idiosyncratic I think. I really use punctuation in a serious way and I do not intend for pauses to be taken at line breaks unless punctuated with a comma or dash or period. I feel–ha– an emphasis at the beginnings and end but it is fairly silent and I don’t mean for a pause. I am sorry as I know it is confusing. I also don’t think they work here completely. It’s the kind of thing I actually work on a great deal but this poem was a bit rushed as due to my job schedule! Oh jobs!

  27. janehewey Says:

    phrases like “if I die” “he’s not/right here” “there, out by the mailbox” take me to time’s bridge effortlessly. This is a new favorite for me, Karin. You are so present in it. The image of your darling holding you and your body holding you are powerfully placed in the flow with “blocking my every egress” great poem!

  28. Tony Says:

    Light and shade, life and death, joy and sadness, love and loss – you’ve packed so much into this poem, but it still flows as a single entity.

  29. Kim Nelson Says:

    Gently and genuinely you portrat vulnerability, aloneness, and yet, connection. This flows beautifully, and I like the closure provided by that last abrupt and loving line.


  30. I thought I had managed to comment on this when I read it yesterday–but apparently didn’t–(yesterday was a fog of back meds again)–but the feelings in this poem are far from foggy, from childhood lostness to adult mortality–the image of sitting on the curb especially was powerful I thought, and knowing but still needing the comfort of being told. A lovely piece, k.

    And have fun at the 102nd Birthday–I can’t even imagine, but I bet you’d want to party pretty thoroughly at that landmark. ;_)

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Thanks. So sorry that you are not feeling well.

      I am on train to DC today, snowing outside, unbelievably hot within. The long wool underwear was perhaps unnecessary.

  31. Jamie Dedes Says:

    The image of a love holding the loved while dying…sad and lovely at once.

    Mind sloshing: now there’s something to picture and think about. 🙂

  32. Kay Davies Says:

    This is wonderful, Karin. I could feel the child sitting at the curb.
    K


  33. my vote is for the “as written” version, the pause (via commas) so suggestive of possibilities to me –

    and if they flow too fast, for whom? and, growing up along the gulf coast, it was always said, don’t fight the current, and you’ll end up ok on the other side of it 😉

    esp liked,

    “heat as tight
    as clothes I should have
    grown out of” –

    whew, still rolling that one around 😉 thanks so much k.


  34. […] Toads to write something about letters, the mail.  I am recycling the drawing (mine) from another somewhat different poem that uses some of the same […]


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