“Making Me Feel Better
Making Me Feel Better
I ask him, if I die–(if)—
would he hold me
till the last moment.
I know he will, though not
why I need to hear it — I have no illness, not
yet, but he’s not
right here and tears of an instant
jam me, their heat as tight
as clothes I should have
grown out of–and I feel again
a child, home alone, sick
and out of school for the day, when, shaken
by the hollow house, I would go
outside and sit upon the curb–there, out
by the mailbox–even fevered–
so that there would be places, I thought,
where I could run;
so that I would not, I hoped,
be trapped;
imagining in the narrows of corridor
and mind, some body, padded with shadow, blocking
my every egress.
Now, I’ve had so many friends–
I won’t count them–who’ve gone already, trapped
inside bodies that would not
hold them, not here, and he says
‘oh, darling–’
***************************************
I am posting the above for Anna Montgomery’s great prompt at dVerse Poets Pub “Meeting the Bar” on flow and creativity. It’s a wonderful article on creative engagement, and how that brings a kind of energy to one’s life and work. I was thinking here more about flow – my personal blocks and twists–and really how the mind flows too – though mine sloshes more than flows, I think – like a rather leaky bowl!
(The picture, albeit without elephants, is original. So, as always, all rights reserved.)
ps – kind of a draftish poem – maybe the end should refer simply to bodies “that would not hold them here, and he says, ‘oh darling–” I don’t know. Sometimes things flow too fast. k.
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, UncategorizedTags: clothes too tight still worn, fear flow from childhood to adult, flow, manicddaily, out by the mailbox poem, what some of us talk about when we talk about holding
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ManicDDaily 
January 24, 2013 at 4:00 pm
… to be held such a wonderful thing… I like the original ending
January 24, 2013 at 4:03 pm
oh wow k. – this is so moving – really a felt write.. wonderfully done
January 24, 2013 at 4:04 pm
interesting…i like the open much more than the closed…so i can relate to your going out to sit on the curb and the options it gives…nice too how the tears are tight…and at times relationships can feel tight as well…but tight can be comforting at times…anyway you had me spinning that direction as i read today k…smiles.
January 24, 2013 at 4:16 pm
dark as a cellar shelf, yet daring to soar first within, then leap frogs the dimensions of death itself; challenging the universe, your friends & (poetic) family; loved it; had the flow & energy to spare.
I, too, have waved the carinate salute to those who have made their transitions before me; all of them loved, a shard of entity from each ready for the Great Hug of my own; thanks.
January 24, 2013 at 4:17 pm
So nice (that you express that sentiment.) I hope you are right! k.
January 24, 2013 at 4:25 pm
I really like this. It is love that is the true embrace.
January 24, 2013 at 4:30 pm
Thanks so much, Becca. k.
January 24, 2013 at 4:38 pm
Very nicely done! I like it.
January 24, 2013 at 6:16 pm
very moving, Karin.
whether your mind is ‘sloshing’ or ‘flowing’, the outcome is wonderful. love the ending, great work!
January 24, 2013 at 6:29 pm
Ha. Thanks. k.
January 24, 2013 at 6:24 pm
I am intrigued by your words K ~ These lines specially struck me:
be trapped;
imagining in the narrows of corridor
and mind, some body, padded with shadow, blocking
my every egress.
January 24, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Exceptional poem, what a great ending!
January 24, 2013 at 6:45 pm
Thanks so much, Nico.
January 24, 2013 at 6:59 pm
This is a beautiful reflection on intimacy, love and loss, and those that we must mourn before we’re ready. Very touching and true to life.
January 24, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Thanks, Anna – thanks too for your prompt. Sorry I jumped the gun. It was very interesting. k.
January 24, 2013 at 7:34 pm
This one made me sigh and smile too because isn’t it so true that sometimes we just need words of affirmation, sometimes for no clear reason at all? Beautiful poem!
January 24, 2013 at 7:38 pm
It would be reduced if you lost that wonderful final line ~ please do keep it k.
January 24, 2013 at 7:50 pm
personally ~a myriad of mysteries of soulful emotions that are very fluid~ Thank you K.
January 24, 2013 at 7:51 pm
..the source of this is deep iinside…and you tapped it out so well 😉
January 24, 2013 at 8:17 pm
I think we all need to hear that the one we love will stay with us, will hold us til the last moment. We may know it in our heart, but I think sometimes we need to HEAR it also, be reassured that we will not leave the earth being alone. Your poem affected me deeply, Karin.
January 24, 2013 at 8:46 pm
Thanks so much, Mary. We do need to hear things. Thanks. k.
January 24, 2013 at 8:50 pm
“Their heart a tight as clothes I should have grown out of” this is a truly beautiful piece of poetic nostalgia, from the heart. Thankyou for sharing it
January 24, 2013 at 8:52 pm
Thanks so much, Jennifer. k.
January 24, 2013 at 8:56 pm
The flow of love is life’s greatest gift. I hope it reaches everyone the way we want and need before we’re standing at death’s threshold. Thanks for writing!
January 24, 2013 at 9:40 pm
I love where this poem take me…for me I remember being sick, lying on the couch at home I would go away to so many places in my imagination… I loved the urgency trying to find a way through… quite beautiful. 🙂
January 24, 2013 at 9:51 pm
oh beautiful! & at the same time beautifully sad {sighs… sighs}
January 25, 2013 at 12:22 am
Nice. I love the picture, too. Peace, Linda
January 25, 2013 at 2:15 am
how could you not hold your love as they are leaving
yes frightening powerful poem.
January 25, 2013 at 5:34 am
No I meant that the person’s own body did not hold them, in the sense of holding their spirit–that the body both trapped them, and also did not hold the spirit/soul here.
January 25, 2013 at 5:57 am
Your poem skillfully tours me from now to your past to your feared future
and then back to the sadness of lost ones.
Honest, clear wonderings — nicely done.
January 25, 2013 at 8:13 am
Thanks, Sabio. k.
January 25, 2013 at 10:32 am
Thanks for stopping by Karin…
Hope to see you next week.
Your Poem and Art is always Top Notch!!!
Have a Kick Ass Week-End…G
January 25, 2013 at 10:35 am
Friday is not over yet,
January 25, 2013 at 10:34 am
very intimate,as my father lay dying with but hours left I was just discussing burial with my wife, so now I’m designing interlocking coffins, with removable panels in-between, so that she can find me and spend eternity together in the unknowable hereafter!
January 25, 2013 at 10:36 am
Hope it works! Thanks for your kind comment. K.
January 25, 2013 at 10:54 am
Moving and lightful in spite of the shadows. I was very drawn to this.
January 25, 2013 at 11:58 am
I love your art, and really like this one. The poem is awesome too, though I have to be honest, the line breaks lost me a couple times.
January 25, 2013 at 1:36 pm
My line breaks are very thought through but very idiosyncratic I think. I really use punctuation in a serious way and I do not intend for pauses to be taken at line breaks unless punctuated with a comma or dash or period. I feel–ha– an emphasis at the beginnings and end but it is fairly silent and I don’t mean for a pause. I am sorry as I know it is confusing. I also don’t think they work here completely. It’s the kind of thing I actually work on a great deal but this poem was a bit rushed as due to my job schedule! Oh jobs!
January 25, 2013 at 1:58 pm
No need to apologize, it is more about my lack of knowledge about poetry than your methods. I see this in a lot of poetry, and if I knew anything about it, it probably wouldn’t seem strange to me. ramble ramble ramble
get back to work, k!
January 25, 2013 at 2:17 pm
Ha. I am writing a memo right now, but I am on an Amtrak train, so expectations are low. I am en route to my father-in-law’s 102nd birthday. Pretty amazing, huh! k.
January 25, 2013 at 8:11 pm
Wow! That IS amazing!
January 25, 2013 at 12:00 pm
phrases like “if I die” “he’s not/right here” “there, out by the mailbox” take me to time’s bridge effortlessly. This is a new favorite for me, Karin. You are so present in it. The image of your darling holding you and your body holding you are powerfully placed in the flow with “blocking my every egress” great poem!
January 25, 2013 at 1:38 pm
Thanks so much, Jane. I’m not sure it’s quite “finished” but I was pleased too. One of those ones that you jot down by surprise. K.
January 25, 2013 at 12:07 pm
Light and shade, life and death, joy and sadness, love and loss – you’ve packed so much into this poem, but it still flows as a single entity.
January 25, 2013 at 12:53 pm
Gently and genuinely you portrat vulnerability, aloneness, and yet, connection. This flows beautifully, and I like the closure provided by that last abrupt and loving line.
January 25, 2013 at 3:14 pm
I thought I had managed to comment on this when I read it yesterday–but apparently didn’t–(yesterday was a fog of back meds again)–but the feelings in this poem are far from foggy, from childhood lostness to adult mortality–the image of sitting on the curb especially was powerful I thought, and knowing but still needing the comfort of being told. A lovely piece, k.
And have fun at the 102nd Birthday–I can’t even imagine, but I bet you’d want to party pretty thoroughly at that landmark. ;_)
January 25, 2013 at 3:29 pm
Thanks. So sorry that you are not feeling well.
I am on train to DC today, snowing outside, unbelievably hot within. The long wool underwear was perhaps unnecessary.
January 25, 2013 at 9:38 pm
The image of a love holding the loved while dying…sad and lovely at once.
Mind sloshing: now there’s something to picture and think about. 🙂
January 26, 2013 at 12:39 pm
This is wonderful, Karin. I could feel the child sitting at the curb.
K
January 26, 2013 at 3:53 pm
my vote is for the “as written” version, the pause (via commas) so suggestive of possibilities to me –
and if they flow too fast, for whom? and, growing up along the gulf coast, it was always said, don’t fight the current, and you’ll end up ok on the other side of it 😉
esp liked,
“heat as tight
as clothes I should have
grown out of” –
whew, still rolling that one around 😉 thanks so much k.
January 26, 2013 at 4:00 pm
Thanks, Felipe. k.
April 4, 2014 at 8:24 pm
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