Train Refrain–Don’t As(k)


Train Refrain–Don’t As(k)

So, I moan upon the train,
refrain of work week:
Why is it why is it why
sit I? Until each cheek
is less than sleek–
Sure, I’m sure I won’t regain

lines that never reached the plane
the vain label chic–
but must I sit and fit my–
slit my– The word I seek
is not quite “seat,”
nor rhymes “in the,” nor “a pain.”

I’m actually blessed with a beautiful train ride some days of the week but despite the view from the window it’s long and seats are–shall we say ‘worn out’–
and to while away the stiffness could not resist the challenge from Kerry O’Connor of Real Toads to try a very complicated rhyming syllabic form invented by Louis MacNeice.

(Reading note -as with virtually all my poems – pauses only come with punctuation and not at ends of lines.  Thanks.  It’ll make more sense that way!)

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20 Comments on “Train Refrain–Don’t As(k)”

  1. aprille Says:

    I shall overlook the fact that you are letting the female/feminine[?] side down here 🙂
    Kidding. Just admiring your creative use of the definite article.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      You know, I was not quite sure what that meant. I’ve been very busy and just saw the link on my iphone on the train so did not look at the video so may have completely missed the boat. I did try to make things rhyme with the “the” as you say. I kind of liked the humor of that. But I really may not have followed directions very well. k.

  2. hedgewitch Says:

    I am laughing hard at the ‘ending’ as it were. This is delightful, k, and the rhymes are perfect. (The feminine rhyme means two syllable words with accent on first syllable(follow/hollow in mine), or multi syllable words that rhyme similarly like permutation/imitation–masculine is a single rhyme such as most of yours are–no one paid any attention to that hardly.) Very good quick extemporaneous writing, and I think stuff like this is a better way to pass that long ride than doing someone else’s crossword puzzle–this gets your creative side going. Enjoyed it much, k.

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      Ha! Thanks, and thanks for explanation. I figured out the two syllable part for feminie but no idea of stresses, but don’t think I could have managed that anyway. It was fun. And true. I take this beautiful train a couple of times a week but hard to enjoy as the total ride on top of desk job a bit much. Thanks. k.

      • hedgewitch Says:

        I (literally) feel your pain–since retirement I spend way too much time in my computer chair, which once was ‘ergonomic,’ and now is just demonic. I have an old bed pillow on it, but even that is inadequate. The older we get, the harder it is to sit in one place, I think. I’m glad you had fun with the challenge, k–because when you have fun, I have fun. ;_) Best of Mondays to you.

  3. What I really like about the way you used this form was how you infused the piece with the trains rhythm (and I think the masculine rhymes add to that considerably). The repetition was used to this effect too, and I enjoyed the humour.

  4. Sherry Marr Says:

    I LOVE the spectacular photo…….and the humor in this piece……..very clever!

  5. janehewey Says:

    this is a jaunty rhyme scheme. even the discomfort sounds fun. ;/ I enjoy your endlessly clever way with words.

  6. Marian Says:

    oh i just love it! great one. i love to write on trains and found myself with a collection of train-inspired drivel. not that YOURS is drivel, it’s wonderful!

  7. Combining your lite humor with this rhyming form was fun, Kay!! I enjoyed this! I’d like to ride a train sometime! 🙂

  8. brian miller Says:

    ha i love the end of this k…it made me smiles…and was rather mischievious to form…which is my forte for sure…down with form and all…hehe…but i would love to take a train ride…i miss the train…wish we had mass transit to where i head…even the bus would be fun…i love all the people watching…

    • ManicDdaily Says:

      It is very nice as you can work on it. When I take this train though I am coming over an hour by car first! As where I stay in the country is pretty far from the train but it is a beautiful ride.

  9. Barbara Says:

    This one made me smile. i’ve been in a few of those train seats in my lifetime and could feel your pain, so to speak!

  10. kaykuala Says:

    A train seat or sitting in front of the idiot box, the computer screen whatever sedentary can be a ‘torture’ after some while. But it’s worth the bother. Nicely K!


  11. very funny! What a great way to pass the time on the train with writing prompts!

  12. shanyns Says:

    I like this, great job with the form challenge.

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