An Impression of Motion Sickness on MTA (Flash Friday 55)
Motion Sick On Train (Well, Just A Little)
Fake wood encircles
stomach side of cloud=
spattered glass,
stall-start express; outside
sun gleam-shines
river’s shell,
mountains swell
from continental
mist and drift==
slow…halllttttt..(no station stop)…go–
“Watch the Gap” warns yellow-black
stick-fellow, inked leg
incautious==but on train still forever
try not to.
******************************************
I’m posting the above for dVerse Poets Pub “meeting the bar” prompt hosted by the wonderful Claudia Schoenfeld, about impressionistic writing (and, in this case, my impressionistic stomach). (Since first posting I’ve edited heavily as I have trouble with my stove this morning and still haven’t had morning tea, so nothing’s right.)
I’m also letting the G-Man know since the poem is exactly 55 words. (Yes, I cheated.)
The train I sometimes take travels along the banks of the beautiful Hudson River.
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, UncategorizedTags: an impressionistic stomach, Better out than in, flash 55, G-Man Mr. Knowitall, manicddaily, Motion Sick on the MTA, poem about stalling train, When do we get there
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ManicDDaily 
August 10, 2012 at 6:42 am
smiles..i only get motion sick on the backseat in the car on curvy trails before i fall asleep…ha.. enjoyed your take k. – almost fell of the bench when reading your tags…impressionistic stomach…sooo good..haha
August 10, 2012 at 6:44 am
Yes – I think the tags more fun than the poem! I tried to do one of these combos – with the 55. For me much better to just do a poem for one thing and a 55 separately! But now I’m off to get some kind of electric kettle. k.
August 10, 2012 at 8:02 am
Thanks, I went back and heavily edited — still no tea–but people seemed to think I was walking in gap. which I would today – did I mention I still haven’t had any tea?!!!!!!! Agh.
(No reason for you to go back, just kvetching on this end!) k.
August 10, 2012 at 7:04 am
oy you have to mind those gaps…you def dont want to hit the tracks or be in front when that train comes….love the wicked pace and blurring of images…i feel you….
August 10, 2012 at 7:55 am
No. I realize though in my effort to get down to 55 words probably didn’t really explain situation. Hmmm…
August 10, 2012 at 7:24 am
They should tell people to stop looking at their phones while walking, because it’s usually how they end up with their legs going into the gap.
Cool take with the sign. Definitely will not enjoy stall-start type of ride.
August 10, 2012 at 8:23 am
Hey! that’s the river I travel, and I feel most nauseous in the change over from Philly to Hudson at the Pennsylvania station–Madison Square Garden.
Your stop-start-halt rhythm, even without the explanation, has to be either a local or a bumper car. It is unique and clear, while the sun and the river continue to smile outside the smear of the window. But it is a good thing you need not de-train in this condition!
August 10, 2012 at 8:24 am
I’m glad we didn’t upchuck there at the end…almost felt real.;)
August 10, 2012 at 8:27 am
NIcely done…I enjoyed this.
August 10, 2012 at 9:38 am
a very enjoyable impressionistic 55. may your tea be ready soon!
August 10, 2012 at 10:10 am
Really cool the way this conveys motion!
August 10, 2012 at 10:27 am
My deepest sympathy on the lack of morning beverage–I NEED my coffee–it isn’t anything but complete addiction, I know. I think you did a good job of being Impressionistic–in 55, which is hard, but also helps in some ways, to keep one from overpainting. You have just the right smidgen of Pollack in the Monet to make it urgent and real instead of dreamy and idyllic, which suits the subject. (I can’t read in cars because of motion sickness, though I can in trains–weird.) I hope by now you have had a cup or two and are feeling more human.
August 10, 2012 at 11:22 am
Yes! Finally. This was a particularly bad ride – I tried to stand a lot just to avoid sitting, and then our car was messed up, and I lost my seat, so standing makes it worse.
August 10, 2012 at 10:42 am
Motion sickness can be a real bother..The one afflicted would feel sorry causing the inconveniences (may even throw up) You crafted the poem very well, K!
Hank
August 10, 2012 at 11:37 am
MD…
I usually detest posts that involve puke and nausea, but somehow you make it sound artsy…hehehehehe
Loved your 55 My Friend
Thanks for playing, thanks for the shout out, and Have a Kick Ass Week-End
August 10, 2012 at 11:55 am
Ha! k.
August 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm
i can feel the back and forth jolt of the NYC MTA as i read this…very good choice of words
foam
August 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm
Thanks – it’s the Metro North part of the system so not quite as bad as the subway. The subway – no mountains! Still a lot of jolt. Thanks! k.
August 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm
ugh. Hate motion sickness. You describe it well here. It happens to me more in planes than trains but no matter where, it’s awful.
August 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm
Gotta mind those gaps. Especially when they are lurching in your stomach. Definitely felt the stop-start in this. Thank you.
August 11, 2012 at 7:43 am
You managed all this without your tea? Awesomeness. Now I know how my youngest daughter feels …and it sounds so painful. I like the way your mpressionistic stomach inspired you to do such a eventful 55!
Mine is here
Have you a Rocking Weekend!
hugs
shakira
August 15, 2012 at 7:21 pm
Love how the lines break, and your use of the = sign.
And the halt line is a perfect construction.
August 15, 2012 at 9:14 pm
Thanks so much. k.