Two Step (Go to Next Revised Post)
FOR THE CORRECTED POST – GO HERE. (https://manicddaily.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/two-step-completely-revised-renewed-sorry/)
Tags: dVerse Poets Pub Open Link Night, Escher, Magpie Tales, manicddaily, prose poem about dancing, Prose poem about father, Two Step
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ManicDDaily 
June 20, 2012 at 3:44 am
I like the point you are making with the dance steps being about giving and receiving (or taking), compared to relationships. Might be more than happy to give but honestly, one-ways get very tiring after a while. Lack of this balance causes relationships to fall apart, no matter how much one cares or loves the other. The dance becomes painful.
On the poem, I’m not sure if prose-poem is the best form for this. I almost feel like, because the poem has to do with dancing and thus related to rhythm and musical elements, it might be worthy to see if it would fit in some sort of metered form.
June 20, 2012 at 4:43 am
You may be right. The poem emphasized other things first and then i decided they were best used in a separate poem, but i may be wrong.
June 20, 2012 at 6:01 am
the stanza on the give and take of the dance is the one that spoke most to me…because it is so true and the gait is skewwed either side you got to….whether giving or taking…having a heart to always give can sometimes in the end leave us hollow…
the stanzas leading up to that one seem a bit surreal, and out of rhythm so i agree with raven
June 20, 2012 at 6:17 am
Yes, I don’t know. I think maybe one of the earlier versions may be better – maybe a bit formless.
June 20, 2012 at 9:54 am
This poem (I read the original one, knowing what you mean about revisions at 2am….) and it brought me to tears.
Hallowed instruments….LOL! You wrote hollowed, but it could also be hallowed!~
I think revisions are important…sometimes…but we compose on the flight of wings that are beating with such emotion…they cross our brainpans with such lift and joy….dig in deep down into the heart of the matter…and I have ruined so many pems when I tried to ‘improve’ or second guess my work.
Perhaps our revisions should be left to simplifying, going to make direct connections in the shortest path, which really means for me, at least….to throwing out a lot of adjectives and words in general.
But I wouldn’t throw out anything in this original poem. The pathos, truth and love is so raw and pounding in these words, that to do so would probably short change what you intended.
Just my opinion….
Jane…really loving this poem.
June 20, 2012 at 10:38 am
Hi Jane – not knowing from your comment whether I should put first one back up (or first posted one that is, the unrevised with the conestoga wagons–I don’t know. k.
June 20, 2012 at 11:55 am
I’ll have to read both and I will…but I am very moved by the original.
Jane….we second guess ourselves a lot, and what we do in the first instance usually is raw and true.