“At Sea” – “Verb-al” Poem Of Sorts – with Brother/Sister/Elephant!
Sailor Elephant?
At Sea
Brother
The boy hauled the roses like burlap sacking–
at a distance–navigating prickle
through kitchen door which he kicked
to the side for noise value,
hating his mother. What he wanted was to man
the wood, where he could
lurk and spy and brick up
hideouts with clods of dirt and brush and never lean
to any whim or wish except
of sky and guttering stream
to whose blue wills he’d willingly tack
his whole young life.
Sister
The girl rigged her skirt to
the base of her hips,
tacking the elastic waist
to her pelvis, a convenient gutter
for fabric that would run its own course.
Bottling lips into an appraising O,
she weighed her chances, spying
navel in that belly as smooth
as the long sought shore, distant
yet within reach.
****************************************
The above is a paired poem written as part of an exercise on verbs! In this case, I used verbs associated with the life of a sailor/pirate, i.e. tack, navigate, haul, rig, weigh, spy. (Sorry if it seems a bit sexist! I have no particular problem with girls getting mad at having to cart roses around and boys adjusting their clothes.)
At any rate, I am posting this for the dVerse Poets Pub Poetics Prompt – “Tools of the Trade” – which I am also hosting today. Check it out!
And, while you are at it, check out my books! Children’s counting book 1 Mississippi -for lovers of rivers, light and pachyderms. Or, if you in the mood for something older, check out Going on Somewhere, poetry, and Nose Dive, escapist fluff.
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This entry was posted on May 19, 2012 at 3:08 pm and is filed under elephants, poetry, Uncategorized. You can subscribe via RSS 2.0 feed to this post's comments.
Tags: At Sea, dVerse Poets Pub, exercise poem, manicddaily, poem about brother sister, sailor elephant, Verb exercise poem, Wanting to Hide Out
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ManicDDaily 
May 19, 2012 at 3:17 pm
in the first one, the hating his mother line drew me up just a second…but i can relate to his feelings though…there have been plenty of times i would rather be out in the woods building forts or playing…smiles….
i am still deciphering the second a bit…spying her navel like a long lost shore…hmm…
May 19, 2012 at 3:18 pm
It may not be very clear – as a bit of rushing going on . Will check. k.
May 19, 2012 at 3:21 pm
i find that second one rather fascinating with the girl spying her navel as the navel is always something birth related, speaking of roots and being fed..
May 19, 2012 at 3:23 pm
Well, I mucked around with it a bit! You are right though – the navel is fascinating!
May 19, 2012 at 3:57 pm
Anyone who has been around girls of middle school age knows that girl, I think. I like what you did with the pirate words! Vveerryy clever write! (But I wonder what made you think of a pirate.)
May 19, 2012 at 4:05 pm
I love the whole thing, but I think this is my favorite section:
“What he wanted was to man
the wood, where he could
lurk and spy and brick up
hideouts with clods of dirt and brush and never lean
to any whim or wish except
of sky and guttering stream”
And this made me miss my belly button ring:
“navel in that belly as smooth”
May 19, 2012 at 4:23 pm
I like the verbs in your words…they come so alive and vibrant.
Interesting sketches of the brother and sister ~ I learned something new today, so thanks for the lovely post ~
May 19, 2012 at 4:39 pm
You lost me at “prickle”, but then I fully understood the door kicking for noise value; boys do that.
May 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm
I loved the contrast between vibrant rebellion in the first part (especially the “What he wanted was to man / the wood” part) and responsible contemplation in the second one. And thank you for the great challenge! It made me think and use more verbs. Bravo.
May 19, 2012 at 4:48 pm
That’s terrific. I think it’s a bit confining of an exercise but always good to expand a bit. K.
May 19, 2012 at 4:53 pm
It is fascinating how differently boys and girls do grow up. Boys always seem to have the adventures and girls have to learn all the boring things. I like how you explained that you could have made it the other way round though 🙂
I think you rose to your own prompt challenge really well with this piece.
May 19, 2012 at 5:01 pm
Thanks so much. I felt a bit rushed but may try it again for Tuesday. K.
May 19, 2012 at 4:59 pm
Oh I’ve been that sister, rigging down the skirt so show a little belly button… though not so much these days funnily enough! Really enjoyed this and always enjoy your illustrations!
May 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Thanks! I really like doing the illustrations. K.
May 19, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I just loved the verbs you used to navigate us through this poem…and the prompt was truly a godsend. I’ve just gone dry as far as writing for a while and this really teased me. Think I’ll use the same idea for another poem for OLN. (My current project is trying to put together a tome of poetry to self-publish–I suspect it’s not worth the grueling process to find a publisher for a low revenue product!) Thank you!!!
May 19, 2012 at 5:24 pm
Thanks so much, Victoria. I appreciate the difficulty! There are a lot of poetry contests (but I suspect that the winners are sometimes known by the choosers.) Good luck with it. I did a book of poetry and it was much more work than I anticipated. But satisfying. K.
May 19, 2012 at 5:40 pm
Firstly, a really good write…it may seem sexist but it’s true…it’s how boys and girls are….I much enjoyed the read & thank you for a great prompt….a great idea that’s inspired me. 🙂
May 19, 2012 at 8:40 pm
A poem on children starting to want their own way, starting to wonder how they will be, preparing for the coming of age. I don’t think it’s sexist, it could be taken as this particular pair’s different point of view. Sailor associated verbs add to the metaphor of setting one’s ship to sail I think. 🙂
Love your prompt on dverse, though I’m not taking part as I have hard time reciprocating visits at the moment. 🙂 Very nice idea to try in the future, so thanks for that.
May 19, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Thanks so much, Ravenblack.
May 19, 2012 at 9:18 pm
This is a good bifurcated poem.
May 19, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Thanks.
May 19, 2012 at 9:22 pm
This was a delightful romp with the sailor words(not to slight the message in any way) –naval/navel and ships in bottles–very adroit. I did actually look up sailor words, but got nothing. But the opening lines of each of these are great hooks, and the balance over all is a lot better than walking the plank. ;_) I think my favorite lines are at the close of the Brother section.
May 19, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Thanks, Hedge.
May 19, 2012 at 10:21 pm
I really like the part the girl rigged her skirt.
May 19, 2012 at 10:27 pm
Thanks, OG. k.
May 19, 2012 at 10:33 pm
I have nominated you for the Beautiful Blogger Award… If you’d like to accept, just drop by my site and pick it up. Congrats either way
May 19, 2012 at 11:11 pm
Well thanks so much, Mary Ann. k.
May 20, 2012 at 12:41 am
Somehow this made me think of yin and yang – navel gazing could be seen as yin and the boy’s desire to “man
the wood, where he could
lurk and spy and brick up
hideouts with clods of dirt and brush and never lean
to any whim or wish except
of sky and guttering stream
to whose blue wills he’d willingly tack
his whole young life.”
I really enjoyed this and will definitely visit your blog again 🙂
May 20, 2012 at 3:26 am
Great stuff, this. It really demonstrates to me the possibilities of this approach. Quite new to me, I shall experiment more with it.
May 20, 2012 at 4:10 am
I especially liked ‘brother’…I have sympathy with his need to run wild rather than do as he’s told!
May 20, 2012 at 1:39 pm
Well done! I love the kicking of the door for noise value.
May 20, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Fascinating poem- lived the pairing and the different perspectives offered, but using the same themed verbs. The poem gave a sense of extroversion and introversion…two different character types- the boy more able to where his emotions on his sleeve…the girl more introverted, reflective – really interesting and engaging to read
May 20, 2012 at 6:30 pm
I liked this delving into these two different personalities. Make great character sketches! 🙂
May 20, 2012 at 8:08 pm
How cool, I just like the way it rolls… and revealing the characteristics of brother and sister. I really liked it and I adore the pictures… those elephants appear quite pleased with themselves!
May 20, 2012 at 9:06 pm
nice craftsmanship. i’ve never attempted a poem with constrictions like that because i find my perfectionism to be constricting enough.
May 20, 2012 at 10:54 pm
That boy kicking the door loudly, for his mother’s sake, is so typical of bothered kids…cute. Loved your pirate angle here.
May 21, 2012 at 3:47 am
This was so special I read it to my little boy and he loved it along with what he termed the photo of the “heffalump” great write x
May 21, 2012 at 8:15 am
fantastic. I’ve a 7 year old boy and 11 year old girl and find this ringing truly and profoundly. most especially ” brother”
May 21, 2012 at 9:51 am
ARRRR!!! Loved how well your verbs worked with you subjects. You had me at that magical first line “The boy hauled the roses like burlap sacking” And you continued to draw me in with each line. I had to read through Sister several times to piece each image together. Loved them both Thanks for sharing.
May 21, 2012 at 11:00 am
A boat poem from you, too! I’m glad I didn’t start reading before I posted mine, because I would have been tempted to steal verbs from this.
Then I got completely distracted by the note about your books–I’ve been a fan of elephants since I was a kid and now have a little nephew and a young goddaughter–so two copies for my Amazon cart, I think. Thanks!
May 21, 2012 at 8:46 pm
Thanks so very much. I hope that they like them. The watercolors are cute. I mainly work on the iPad now because I do a fair amount of illustration for the blog and it is very fast, but the drawings done traditionally – with pencil and watercolor – are much nicer frankly. k.
May 21, 2012 at 12:59 pm
Excellent! I especially love “navigating prickle.” Fantastic phrase.
May 24, 2012 at 1:02 am
really fabulous! i love it…makes me want to write something NOW!