“Rain, Snow, iPhone” (Villanelle Against the Machine!)
Rain Melting Snow
Rain, Snow, iPhone
It rains today. What was a scrim of white
unspools to fraying sequins, silver thread,
as browning fields bring softness to the eye,
and rumpled folds of brush and weed deny
the brambles that should later stalk my tread.
It rains today. What is a scrim of white–
the screen that fixates, all two inches wide–
like a stalker, strictly ties me to my bed–
though browning fields bring softness to my eye
as they sneak in from windowed world outside,
trying to prise digitalia from fogged head–
It rains today; what was a scrim of white
white snow (white noise within), lies
now as clear as any water over mud,
while browning fields bring softness to my eye,
since battery dying (at last). I sigh,
rebooting my own spark, my drive, and shred
the reins for today–that scrim of white–
as brown-out brings felt softness to my eye.
*************************************************
Here’s another revised villanelle posted for dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar challenge, hosted by Charles Miller alias Chazinator, to write about “technology.”
Check out my books, all! 1 Mississippi (children’s counting book with elephants), Going on Somewhere, poetry, and Nose Dive, escapist fun.
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, Uncategorized, villanelleTags: "villanelle against the machine", manicddaily, Melting snow villanelle, rain snow iphone villanelle, scrim of white snow screen noise, stalked by the iPhone
You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.
ManicDDaily 
May 10, 2012 at 6:08 pm
Perfectly chosen words here, especially the opening stanza. Really enjoyable to read as your narrative continues to develop throughout.
May 10, 2012 at 7:17 pm
ha…it def can be a strain on the eyes if you are jacked in too long…maybe the brown out was giving you a bit of grace…and even though its raining saying…get out…and enjoy…smiles…
May 10, 2012 at 7:42 pm
I don’t actually mind rain. Not even in City, luckily. k.
May 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm
I like the mention of rebooting oneself. I wonder if that would solve a lot of human problems in the same way that rebooting a machine often makes things right again. A thoughtful write!
May 10, 2012 at 8:07 pm
Thanks, Mary. I wonder if it would! k.
May 10, 2012 at 8:13 pm
Nice poetry form…I specially like the white scrim giving way to the brown out softness in my eyes ~
May 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm
Thanks.
May 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm
You know I love the villanelle, and this one has a soft feel to it, like white blankets in the scrim part, which should sound rasy but somehow doesn’t. I have no experience with iPhones, but quite a bit at screen staring till my eyes burn, so can relate.
May 10, 2012 at 8:37 pm
sigh–raspy, not rasy! Or racy, even.
May 10, 2012 at 8:53 pm
Ha! I would be a much more popular poet if it sounded racy. K.
May 10, 2012 at 9:38 pm
‘since battery dying (at last). I sigh,
rebooting my own spark, my drive, and shred
the reins for today’
You’ve said it right K! how they control our lives. Even the decision to stop (because of battery dying) is decided for us!
Hank
May 10, 2012 at 9:41 pm
Ah, I look at the photo and my eye goes right to the electrical lines strung across the scene. Your poem has the same kind of gray, mellow feeling as the picture – every line excellent, well worth repeating.
May 10, 2012 at 10:04 pm
Thanks so much, Mark.
May 10, 2012 at 9:48 pm
I love Villanelle Against the Machine just so you know! You really set the mood and I enjoyed how it all comes together in the last stanza.
May 10, 2012 at 10:39 pm
beautiful form and your lines called for my attention to every word which I thoroughly enjoyed. Thank goodness those batteries eventually die or I’d never get out of bed (smiles)
May 10, 2012 at 10:43 pm
Yes! Especially on rainy weekends! Hope all is well with you. k.
May 10, 2012 at 10:45 pm
you, too, k. thanks!
May 10, 2012 at 11:36 pm
So good, you have a real touch with this form and this poem is really really good! I enjoyed it, with a wry smile.
May 10, 2012 at 11:39 pm
this made me smile…as i love my iPhone dearly…but also walking in the rain (always concerned of course that my iPhone doesn’t get wet…hehe..) thanks for the smile k..enjoyed your villanelle
May 10, 2012 at 11:56 pm
Thanks, Claudia. I also love my iPhone. K.
May 11, 2012 at 12:14 am
great villanelle . I like your naturalistic approach to technology – it somehow brings it into a human, less frightening scale.
May 11, 2012 at 4:13 am
It’s not possible to write, these days, without the fog of digital white noise pressing is nose to the windows. I love how this piece accommodates and yet refuses that presence: the snowy field the poetic device that resists our current realities sufficiently to allow some decent peace. Fine write. – Brendan
May 11, 2012 at 4:52 am
Thanks, Brendan.
May 11, 2012 at 6:00 am
You were bound to win plaudits from me, if only because I could never have written this, I find the form intractable, and so admire the way you managed it, not letting it interfere with the natural free flow of the lines. Excellently done. The metaphor of white snow for white noise also won my vote.
May 11, 2012 at 7:38 am
This really lovely, and prises so much beauty from the dilemma that technology on a rainy day can occasion. What strikes me is the sense of nostalgia for the natural world that your poem has, almost like a Tarkovsky scene. Dream-like, profound, embedded in the world but somehow also not of the world. The technology seems to have found a place in your world, intrusive yes, bothersome too, but not a source of an overwhelming anxiety that you can or will lose yourself to it. I think that’s a good place to be, for technology is here to stay, and so we must find its proper place in our lives, prodded by anxiety that it will overtake our humanity, but choosing not to let it.
May 11, 2012 at 1:40 pm
This is just beautifully done! Smooth as silk.
May 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Thanks so much, MZ.
May 11, 2012 at 5:34 pm
our batteries die and then we become another person, or at least move into a new realm of disposition.
Sonnet 40
May 14, 2012 at 1:45 pm
What can I say! Haven’t seen snow, never carry a phone! It sounds as a strange and haunting tune to me.
Let it rain!