Filling in the Gaps (“Old Poems/Kids In the Sea”)
(Imagine Pen and Sunset)
Charles Miller is hosting a prompt at dVerse Poets Pub about writing what’s behind the poem. Here are some of my somewhat disjointed thoughts:
Old Poems/Kids in the Sea
So, I used to rely on the sonnet,
and yes, it scares me to see them out there,
bobbing up and diving down, the wet
glisten of shoulder at high surf, where
I lost all my breath trying to swim back
this morning, my lungs shot from who knows what
(waves tugging at what seemed to be chest’s crack)–
I found that a form would anchor words, not
tie, give meaning a lane, a buoying up–
choppy out, sun setting rust, still I know
they’re strong, try to sing as I wade about,
salt cupped–fearful, I needed a flow
that followed a channel; I relied on
the sonnet; they splash to shore, free, prideful.
(In keeping with the exercise, I should probably note that I wrote this poem, more or less, at the beach, watching my kids – or those I was responsible for–swimming very far out. Also it is a sonnet, of sorts–this, a form I used to write quite frequently.)
Explore posts in the same categories: poetryTags: how quickly they grow up, manicddaily, sonnet about writing and kids in sea, sonnet about writing sonnets by sea shore
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ManicDDaily 
March 16, 2012 at 4:45 am
smiles….my intial thought was why is there a ballistic missile coming out of the ocean…smiles…then realizing it was your pen…smiles….i have not written a sonnet, nor will i probably ever but….smiles…i def understand your poems being your children, just got to watch for sharks, or drowning, or….nicely done k
March 16, 2012 at 7:16 am
Of course, there’s the metaphor, but my children were really swimming very far out, and I did really feel like I almost drowned earlier. I cant quite say ha. But painting is kind of funny. K.
March 16, 2012 at 6:13 am
I’m a rebel at heart, so I follow no rules or form when it comes to writing. I just let it happen, and what comes forth is simply, me.
You take a different road, and it works wonderfully for you. Very nice!
March 16, 2012 at 7:17 am
For me it is harder to write a form poem, but I admire the talent it takes to write one! It definitely sounds like you have found your niche. And I say we each have to go with our flow into the channel! Well expressed!
http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/03/this-is-probably-truly-not-poem.html
March 16, 2012 at 7:39 am
I like this sonnet very much, and find it interesting that you wrote it on the beach. With so much action taking place, I’m not sure that I could have done so. Splendid response to the prompt.
March 16, 2012 at 9:30 am
K Ma’am!
We were on Sentosa Island, S’pore sometime ago. My son Azhar barely 10 yrs wanted to swim at the beach. It appeared to me then that the beach was sheltered.. I allowed him to go into the water. Azhar could swim at the condo pool back home. It should be ok, I thought.
In no time I couldn’t make him out from the crowd.I wasn’t dressed for swimming. I just waited. After about 30 mins I saw him being led towards shore by a taller Chinese girl.. When I approached them I could see Azhar was pale.
The girl had saved Azhar from near drowning. I was horrified. When it comes to water, seaside or the pool, I learned now never to allow them to be out of sight. You have to swim along side with them at the beach. You cannot be reading a book at the pool.
Beautiful write!
Hank
March 16, 2012 at 10:08 am
Karin–I have no idea what a sonnet is. However, when you finished painting a picture with words (and that very large paintbrush!) I thought, “wow–what a beautiful day at the beach, and boy, do I know what she means about being out of breath!”
I grew up in So Cal and remember all those waves…
fun read.
March 16, 2012 at 10:20 am
Totally relate about the fear-feeling of drowning, and responsibility for others being mixed into the waves that threaten and distract–confusing, but also, they make the same kind of structure to direct/demand our response–make the response channel, just like form does words. I absolutely cannot get into sonnets(because of meter issues) but I use the sestina in much the same way, to focus, refine, pinpoint, and to lean on like a morning glory on a telephone pole. ;_) Hope you feel better and achieve less franticness soon, K.
March 16, 2012 at 7:15 pm
Less franticness seems impossible for a while! Hopefully, I can find a better balance in the next year or so. K.
March 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm
just can’t stop laughing after reading bri’s ballistic missile comment… haha…very cool how inner and outer life mingle in the poem…think that’s what happens so often and sometimes we don’t even realize…love it k.
March 16, 2012 at 2:12 pm
Ha–you know it’s an old painting and it is really a paintbrush! Or supposed to be. But ballistic missile is just as accurate! K.
March 16, 2012 at 3:02 pm
Such a fulfilling and powerful language sense in your poems, Karin– thank you for feeding my spirit today– I loved: (waves tugging at what seemed to be chest’s crack)
and the rest. xxxj
March 16, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Your ability to interweave sonnet, poetry, and real life is intriguing since it does get at one of the points of the prompt – how life and poetry interact with each other. This is very ingenious, and I think it does indeed “solve” one of the issues raised by the prompt. Your solution is to use the resources of poetry itself to fill in the gaps, and that definitely makes sense for me. I find the result very imaginitve and creative. Your comments after the poem add the further details that were missing, about your children swimming. What a loving metaphor to use for children, little sonnets swimming in the sea! I hope they read your poem when they grow older (or have they already) and take pride in the fact that they are works of art as much as a poem! From experience, children demand just as much work and sacrifice as art. 🙂
March 16, 2012 at 7:14 pm
Ha. Thanks, Charles. I call them “children” but they are taller than I! K.