Free Verse/Triolet – “Trapped Heart,” “After Lashing Out”
(Sorry- this heart in chains--"trapped" but perhaps not quite what the poem envisions.)
Here’s kind of an interesting exercise for those interested in the ways in which form shapes content. The first is a draft poem in “free” verse; the second is a triolet (a form recently highlighted by Gay Cannon and Samuel Peralta in dVerse Poets Pub “form for all”) which I wrote the next morning. Oddly, I am also linking this post to “Imaginary Gardens With Real Toads”, for their prompt about love and affection, since the poems deal with their backwash.
Trapped Heart
And then you come to a time
when you are willing to excise a limb.
You are consciously an animal,
caught; cutting–hand, foot,
arm–seems the only cut loose.
You gnaw, increasingly
panicked, you saw,
increasingly frantic, not
for freedom but survival,
for you know,
even as you slice, that it’s
your heart that’s trapped,
your heart that is beating you
so hard, so insistently.
And here’s the triolet:
After Lashing Out
Then comes a time when you’d cut off a limb–
when you’re an animal, entrapped and sore,
when, in the come of time, you’d cut off a limb,
if you believed your severed paw could trim
the clock hand’s spring; if you believed a whim
of excision could take you back before
that time, when what you became cut off a limb–
you were an animal, entrapped and sore.
(As always, all rights reserved. And as always please please please check out my books Comic novel,NOSE DIVE, book of poetry, GOING ON SOMEWHERE, or children’s counting book 1 MISSISSIPPI. )
Explore posts in the same categories: poetryTags: manicddaily, poem about lashing out, poem about trapped heart, poetry exercises, the heart in chains, triolet
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ManicDDaily 
March 10, 2012 at 9:07 am
Very nicely done! I like your take on the trapped heart.
March 10, 2012 at 9:19 am
wow….yeah, when its time to gnaw off the limb its a pretty desperate time you know…this def plays into relationships and love as well…ack, scary metaphor but….love what you did with the triolet form too k
March 10, 2012 at 9:35 am
i like the triolet better! very strong.
March 10, 2012 at 9:56 am
Nice, K–I think the form really helps with the message in this one, makes it more immediate and horrific…the repetition, I think. Anyway, you condense a lot in both versions, and both are full of painful images..the constraints of the triolet sort of underline the frenzy of the need to get out at any cost. (Been there, my friend–not a good place.) I have a similar little thing I did with two versions of the same poem, one a triolet–you might like it. It’s here: Crab poem
March 10, 2012 at 10:15 am
Yes, I like the form too. It’s condensed. I worry that the form gets a bit gimmicky seeming–especially here where very manipulated, but I still find working with it interesting. K.
March 10, 2012 at 10:22 am
Love both versions, but the triolet emphasizes the theme quite well. The trick is to use the rhyme and repetition as emphasis, and not to fall into the traps fusing it as a crutch or gimmick. In this case, it works beautifully.
March 10, 2012 at 11:16 am
Very nice..I like both but the triolet is more powerful with the repetitive lines ~
Thanks for sharing this ~
March 10, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Excellent. I prefer the free verse, but it’s really interesting to see both.
March 10, 2012 at 4:37 pm
Well Done ! I really like seeing both, gives me a better perspective!
March 11, 2012 at 10:38 am
Two types of desperation to choose from, each resulting in the same fate, both requiring strength beyond recognition, we come back stronger and learn to do one handed push ups. Great poem…loved it.