Poetics – Color Poem (Or Monochromatic One) Maybe
I am still supposedly working on Nanowrimo, but I wrote a poem in my head yesterday, and it happens to fit in (sort of) with dVerse Poets Pub Poetics prompt of the day (hosted by Victoria of liv2write2day.blogspot), which is to write a poem using color.
Date
“It’s hurting me”, she whispered,
“I want it to hurt,” he said.
Later, she lay on a bathroom floor,
its hard checkered tiles,
the only black and white
In the whole situation.
After posting the above poem, I thought of a different variation that I like better I think as it has more of a moral compass. Here it is.
Date
“It’s hurting me”, she whispered,
“I want it to hurt,” he said.
Later, she lay on a bathroom floor,
its hard checkered tiles,
the only black and white
in the entire world.
Any suggestions welcomed!
Explore posts in the same categories: poetry, UncategorizedTags: black and white poem, color poem, dVerse Poets Pub, iPad art, manicddaily, Manicddaily poems, poem about abuse
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ManicDDaily 
November 5, 2011 at 2:47 pm
oh crap…this sounds harsh…the only black and white int he situation…ugh…heavy….
interesting though we both went monochrome though…
November 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm
Yes, I have very mixed feelings about the poem. I don’t mean to imply that there’s no right and wrong here. Maybe I should have said black and white the only thing she could see or something of that nature. I don’t know.
November 5, 2011 at 3:20 pm
Brian, I revised poem now
November 5, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Superb! Love the way you bring out contrast it implies.
November 5, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Wow- this is powerful!
November 5, 2011 at 3:01 pm
For me, trying to live life in black and white can be so painful. I enjoy all the questions that this raises.
November 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm
Victoria, I was thinking about this and revised. Hope you get a chance to see.
November 5, 2011 at 3:21 pm
oh f…this hurts..painful..
November 5, 2011 at 3:23 pm
I agree, the second is the more powerful… such power in so few words. Well done!
November 5, 2011 at 3:28 pm
It of course hurts to read this but how stark, evocative and compelling. Terrific. xxxj http://parolavivace.blogspot.com . xj
November 5, 2011 at 3:59 pm
how about just ending it in “the only black and white.” the rest kind of goes without saying/doesn’t need to be said.
also look for a synonym for “only” such as: alone, apart, by oneself, exclusive, individual, isolated, lone, matchless, once in a lifetime, one, one and only, one shot, onliest, particular, peerless, single, sole, solitary, solo, unaccompanied, unequaled, unique, unparalleled, unrivaled
November 5, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I love zongrik’s suggestion of leaving it at “the only black and white.” It’s a tragic, powerful piece. Good luck with nanwrimo– I did that last year and still am working on the second draft of the resulting novel. I think it may end up in the drawer one of these days, but nanowrimo showed me I have the ability to write the next one!
November 5, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Strong words. The poetry of wellness. Excellent fare.
November 5, 2011 at 6:30 pm
Sharp and painful, but authentic in tone and feel. I feel like red is in there somewhere, but the word is never mentioned–just seems the dominant color somehow, perhaps because I’m seeing red at the events described.
November 5, 2011 at 6:59 pm
I think the first one is more effective, the second one’s end “in the whole world” seems a bit over dramatic.
Lots of implied struggle of feelings in the girl I think. Grey in various shades cycling.
November 5, 2011 at 8:26 pm
The first one hits harder, though I can’t really say why. It’s excellent.
November 5, 2011 at 11:16 pm
This was full of emotion and power. I like the first poem better as well.
November 6, 2011 at 4:38 am
I think I prefer the original, but would have been proud to have written either.l
November 6, 2011 at 10:34 am
Oh wow. This is horrible but powerful and crafted with skill. I think the black and white works – because for her, in the jumble of what I imagine she is feeling, the bathroom floor is probably the only thing that is stable. And it also brings out the lack of colour in the situation – the deadness. I think I prefer the original too – it focuses us more on the situation, like a close up of the act and consequences, rather than allowing us to pull back and put it into place in the world. If that makes sense. Either way, an extremely powerful piece of verse, that gives me a sickening shiver. Well done.
November 6, 2011 at 5:21 pm
I’m for version 1 as well. “Situation” could mean she blames herself, she sees greys where readers might see a black and white, and that’s not uncommon.
November 7, 2011 at 3:39 pm
what amazing lines, vivid imagery of how they react.
😉