Subway Sonnet – Train Chemistry – Light That Cannot Be Broken Down For Parts
Molecules (poem by Karin Gustafson, drawing by Diana Barco)
I updated this post for the dVerse Poets Pub prompt for poems about trains and am also linking to Victoria C. Slotto’s blog liv2write2day relating to poems about light. This poem is not a new one, but it was written on and prompted by the subway on a Monday, thinking about a beautifully sunny Sunday before.
This is a sonnet, a variation of the regular form 14 1/2 lines rather than the requisite 14. I added the extra couple of words at the end to combat that “patness” that sometimes results from a sonnet’s final couplet.
Molecules
Yesterday in the dim fluorescence
of subway car, I thought of molecules.
They seemed, in that greyed light, the essence
of life. I saw them stretched in pools,
sometimes seemingly limpid, other times
volcanic, fervidly swooping me
abubble, then mucking me into slimes
of laval woe, a test tube of to be
or not to be. Today, I’m by the sea,
and water, vaster than pools, sparkles
under light so immense it cannot be
broken down for parts, yet its particles
raise up the non-molecular part
of me, what refuses to lose heart,
no matter–
(All rights reserved. Karin Gustafson)
(The drawing above is by my dear friend Diana Barco, who illustrated my book of poetry called “Going on Somewhere,” available on Amazon.)
Check out 1 Mississippi at link above also.
Explore posts in the same categories: New York City, poetry, UncategorizedTags: brain chemistry, brain chemistry on the New York City subway, cool sonnet, dVerse Poets Pub, father sonnet, Going on Somewhere by Karin Gustafson/Diana Barco, manicddaily, molecules, New York City, NYC subway, poem, poetry, psychic chemistry, shakespearean sonnet, sonnet, sonnet variation, subway, train chemistry, water
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ManicDDaily 
September 24, 2009 at 7:22 pm
[…] and has the same last name as a favorite high school teacher (way back when). Her latest post is Subway Sonnet (as of Sept. 24, […]
September 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm
…the dim fluorescence…this captures the mood on subway wagons so well…being split to molecules and mingle with the crowd before we get off the train at the next station…and then it starts anew…enjoyed this
September 17, 2011 at 2:53 pm
so did you write this while on the subway?
September 17, 2011 at 3:43 pm
Yes, I find the subway one of my favorite places to write. I’m lucky, I am able to go in a bit after the main morning rush so I get a seat. And it’s quiet==no internet! Ha.
December 18, 2011 at 9:51 pm
when i lived in NY and rode the subway to school everyday, i read a lot, and thought a lot. it’s so much better than driving.
September 17, 2011 at 2:54 pm
a testtube of to be or not to be…nice…really like the little bit of poetical science there at the end as well…you asked for feedback, so….the second line is a little clunky for me…the of at the beginning does not play well and reads more like broken english…
September 17, 2011 at 3:46 pm
Thanks, I will look it over. The poem doesn’t work so well for me after time either, so that may be the problem. I have a more “trainy” one, but I had never posted before, and I was a bit tired, but I will look it over, or maybe try new one. But, frankly, it’s always the end of this poem I liked the best–the no matter because of the all matter/physics/chemistry business, so I’m sure I should focus more on beginning.
December 15, 2011 at 3:17 pm
i agree a good end makes up for much…spun back through for victoria’s prompt…never lose that heart…smiles.
September 17, 2011 at 3:51 pm
You poem reminds me of a thought I had the other day, that human consciousness is such an opus contra naturuum, such an unlikely impossibility in a molecular sea of black matter that only sunders and unsouls. Great little poem. Only time I saw molecules was when, o so long ago, I took mushrooms and watched first sunlight turn a carpet into a periodic table of elements. – Brendan
September 17, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Ha, thanks.
September 17, 2011 at 4:37 pm
Its great to listen to these drifting noises – as we space out and allow i minds to float free we touch the mainframe somehow
no where better than on a train –
September 17, 2011 at 5:18 pm
I thought this a great write…enjoyed the variation on the end as well, thought it gave a great finish. Reads really well out loud. I like!
September 17, 2011 at 6:51 pm
I liked the odd enjambments, actually–they take away from that strait-jacket feel you sometimes get with a sonnet, and I also like the extra added after the last couplet. Aside from form, I like the ideas here–the molecular soup of the crowd, under the microscope of the observer’s eye, then the contrast between that artificial microcosm and the call of the macro seascape. Nice.
September 17, 2011 at 7:05 pm
Thanks.
September 17, 2011 at 7:46 pm
very creative… I wonder if it was really inspired by the lights
September 17, 2011 at 8:03 pm
If it was inspired by anything, I would say it was a consciousness of the chemical qualities of depression!
September 17, 2011 at 10:20 pm
Nice piece… I too was fascinated by the enjambments. I really like how it carries differently than the typical sonnet.
September 17, 2011 at 11:20 pm
Today, I’m by the sea,
and water, vaster than pools, sparkles
under light so immense it cannot be
broken down for parts, yet its particles
raise up the non-molecular part
I really enjoyed your poem, thank you.
September 18, 2011 at 2:38 am
the wonder of life even in industrial spaces is some kind of hope =)
September 18, 2011 at 11:57 am
“A test tube of to be or not to be” – I love it! Great write.
September 18, 2011 at 12:16 pm
“a test tube of to be or not to be” – what a fantastic line! Unique approach to the prompt, and I enjoyed it 🙂
September 18, 2011 at 1:44 pm
I enjoyed this piece, loved the “to be or not” great homage to the form. Enjoyed it with the 1/2 line and without actually. ~ Rose
September 18, 2011 at 3:14 pm
I really like this modern take on a sonnet. Also like the way you “see” the breaking up into molecules as though you were given microscopic vision.
If I were to pick out things that niggle at me (and mind you that’s just me) it would be three words that aren’t quite right imo – “stretched”, “seemingly” and “fervidly”. I checked to see if this were iambic pent, or decasyllabic but you’ve bent that too; so you should be able to play with those lines and get that vision a little more in focus, I think.
I enjoyed the framework, and the idea very much. Thanks. G.
September 18, 2011 at 4:01 pm
Thanks, Gay. I will look at that. K.
December 15, 2011 at 11:08 am
I agree – and I also feel that the lack of rhythm mitigates against it: it is difficult to read aloud smoothly. That said, you have all the elements (!) of a terrific poem there, waiting for a bit of a tweaking.
December 15, 2011 at 12:18 pm
I appreciate the comment and I do think the poem a bit of a mouthful but I actually disagree re reading. I tend to write in a way that is dependent on punctuation rather than line breaks–there is no pause at the end of a line but only at a punctuated pause like a comma or period. In that case, read as sentences, it reads pretty easily. I do understand that many readers take a break with the line break so that makes it complicated unless I actually make a readers’ note. This is of course a problem.
September 18, 2011 at 8:48 pm
I like writing sonnets. I find them romantic, and yours had that feeling. Nice to see a poem in form. Thank you for posting this.
December 15, 2011 at 9:40 am
Stunning poem, in my opinion! ‘then mucking me into slimes
of laval woe, a test tube of to be/ or not to be.’ this passage is just sublime, and I love the way it ends almost ironically in ‘mid air’, so to speak, with a double meaning, almost like Shakespeare in ‘what’s the matter?’ Wonderfully imaginative and I can relate to the way your thoughts were flowing with this.
December 15, 2011 at 1:26 pm
This is so good. My brain often goes in that direction, too…to the energetic/molecular source of creation. That little 2 word addendum: no matter–packs a punch.
December 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm
I love “a test tube of to be or not to be”. I really like this.
December 17, 2011 at 5:22 pm
amazing …..