July 19, 2012 8:09 pm
dVerse Poets Pub is celebrating its first anniversary this week and asks all participating poets (a group which includes lucky me) to link up what they feel was their best poem posted to dVerse over the past year.
Figuring out one’s best poem is always tricky. I don’t know if this one is “best”, but it is a poem that is close to my heart. It was written for a very good friend of mine, approximately two years ago, in the couple of weeks before her death from breast cancer. She had expressed to me her concern for her children, and I wrote the poem based upon her words.
The poem is a pantoum – a form with repeating lines. And punctuation (sigh) is a fairly important element. I may not have punctuated right, so I recommend listening to the recording really more than reading. It is a pretty simple poem to follow.
Thanks so much! And thanks to dVerse Poets – Brian Miller and Claudia Schoenfeld, especially.
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The Last Thing – Mother to Child
The Last Thing – Mother To Child
For Rhona Saffer
Know, that
when I must go,
I will love you
just the same.
When I must go,
I know it will not feel
just the same.
There will be cool air—
I know it will not feel
like my lips—
but there will be cool air
caressing your face
like my lips,
while your smile only,
caressing your face
(oh reflection of mine),
will be your smile only.
I never wanted to cause you pain,
oh reflection of mine.
That was the last thing
I ever wanted to cause you–pain.
No, I would love you—
that was the last thing.
Just the same,
know, I would love you,
I will love you,
just the same.
Know that.
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Posted by ManicDdaily
Categories: poetry
Tags: dVerse Poets Pub, In memoriam poem, Karin Gustafson poetry, manicddaily, pantoum, poem for Rhona Saffer, poem of mother to children, The Last Thing
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Gorgeous and heartbreaking, Karin. Took my breath away…
By Karin Wiberg on July 19, 2012 at 8:22 pm
smiles…love the reassurance of love at the end…def like listening as well to your voice…the repetition works well in this as well…thank you for a great year k!
By brian miller on July 19, 2012 at 8:35 pm
So rending and like laughter through the tears of deep grief, inspiring as well. Truly beautiful.
By Anna Montgomery on July 19, 2012 at 9:52 pm
So beautiful, so poignant. You read wonderfully also. Thank you.
By ds on July 19, 2012 at 10:28 pm
It’s a determination of love that is important. Done in repeats make it all the more sweeter, K!
Hank
By kaykuala on July 20, 2012 at 6:00 am
Love it K ~ The refraining lines were very good ~
By Heaven (@asweetlust) on July 20, 2012 at 7:46 am
Good stuff. This form really works with this message of love, a mother emphasizing to her child. Touching and comforting. And I feel a bit watery eyed now.
By Ravenblack on July 20, 2012 at 7:49 am
the cool air, lips, smile. love staggers across this page. beautiful, Karin.
By janehewey on July 20, 2012 at 8:57 am
Thanks so much, Jane.
By ManicDdaily on July 20, 2012 at 11:40 am
so tough…when my kids were small i was in hospital and they thought i had cancer..was going through a rough time..luckily it was not but can really feel her emotions in this…. and k.. thanks so much for all that you do at dVerse – it’s great having you on the team
By Claudia on July 20, 2012 at 9:33 am
Thank you, Claudia. It’s been my pleasure. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 20, 2012 at 11:40 am
Your poem is so wonderfully sweet in tone and content. You a sadness but it comes thru with an eternal quality that’s true of the best love poems. I would reread this for its poetry as well as its emotional power. Simply lovely.
By cmiller19095 on July 20, 2012 at 9:49 am
Thanks so much, Charles. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 20, 2012 at 11:41 am
Oh, Lord, this made me tear up. So moving and so very, very beautiful. Very well and smoothly written.
By Susan L Daniels on July 20, 2012 at 11:58 am
Deeply touching, Karin. I like the simplicity you chose to express these feelings and wishes.
By Victoria C. Slotto on July 20, 2012 at 12:13 pm
Thanks so much, Victoria. Hope all is well. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 20, 2012 at 12:27 pm
I listened. The repetition is exactly the point, isn’t it? It works so well! I still hear the echoes and I am thinking of those I have lost. So sweet, and so giving. Thank you.
By Susan on July 20, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Thanks, Susan. The poem is a pantoum, which is a form of interlocking repeating lines – the second and fourth of each stanza become the first and third of the next stanza, and the first and third of the overall poem become reversed as the second and last of the last stanza. I think I have one extra repetition here. It’s kind of a complicated form, but very interesting. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 20, 2012 at 3:07 pm
True love , so true…
By Patricia Chenayi Nyandoro on July 20, 2012 at 7:07 pm
This is so beautiful. It reads effortlessly, which is the skill of your construction. A true and sweet statement. I like this a lot.
By hollyannegetspoetic on July 20, 2012 at 7:19 pm
Karin–I was so wondering what you’d pick as your ‘best’. i hadn’t ever read this one. so very beautiful….
By Jody Collins on July 21, 2012 at 2:37 pm
Jody – thanks – I’m not sure of your URL = can you send it? I’ve probably got, but I’m a bit scattered these days. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 21, 2012 at 5:27 pm
This is a beautiful elegy. The pantoum disappears into the essence of going, of trying to say goodbye, into the importance that love binds across the veil. Kudos!
By Gay on July 21, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Thanks so much, Gay. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm
Thanks, Gay.
By ManicDdaily on July 22, 2012 at 8:30 am
Karin, this is so well done.
I tried to write one a while back and after struggling with charts and diagrams to get the format right, it had no coherence in meaning and sequence.
Yours just reads like a poem, without the pantoum form interfering. It works as a greek chorus with varied interpretations for the replaced lines. I take my hat off.
By aprille on July 22, 2012 at 2:55 am
Thanks, Aprille. It is an odd form. I’ve done a few others that rhyme, but that gets really a bit invasive. I wrote a little article (not exactly) on the form with the first one I wrote, which is probably the most successful in terms fo the form, but it is kind of a negative subject matter. I do find it helpful to note in the margins how the lines are supposed to fall so you don’t get mixed up. If you are interested, here’s the link.: https://manicddaily.wordpress.com/2009/09/27/pantoum-–-hard-hard-hard-overheard-on-the-esplanade/
Thanks. k.
By ManicDdaily on July 22, 2012 at 8:37 am