“Going Home” With a French Ballade
The wonderful dVerse Poets Pub has a “form for all” challenge today to write a French Ballade . The pompt, hosted by Gay Reiser Cannon, gives clear instructions but, frankly, I found it a pretty difficult form. For me, the hardest part was the syllabic line (8 syllables), since I tend to write in a modified pentameter (which allows for a bit of play in the number of syllables.)
At any rate, here’s mine. (It’s still kind of a draft–suggestions welcome!)
Going Home (Last Hospital Stay)
Though angled with no special care,
the tape stains spoke of intention,
as if, by cantilever, there
had been some trick of physics done,
some framework lifted, battle won,
a scaffolding’s dismounted trace–
of orange (glue)–and, too, a notion
of failing beams across a face.
But skin was sore now it was bare
of bands of tube that had just run
from nostril curve to curl of ear
to squeeze and ease the oxygen,
to silently let go let come
what let the lungs slow down their race,
and countenance reflect a sun
of failing beams across a face.
They rushed us home through open air–
each stretcher bearer was a son–
and cold it was, so cold out there–
and you, my dad, my only one–
I put my coat, my hat, upon
you too, though they looked out of place,
their blues too sprightly, too much fun,
with failing beams across your face.
You worried whether I was warm
and offered back, with age-old grace,
all to be had that day near done,
its failing beams across your face.
(P.S. – have edited since I first posted. A process this!)
Explore posts in the same categories: iPad art, poetry, UncategorizedTags: French Ballade, Going HOme, Karin Gustafson poetry, manicddaily, poem about death of father, Poem about last hospital stay
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ManicDDaily 
January 27, 2012 at 4:16 am
There is a feeling of slow fading as sun sets, a feeling of sadness and feeling of love at, cherishing of that moment in all the details and action of the narrator and the father.
It’s particularly aching the last few lines. It makes me recall a feeling I had when I was young, a sudden concern for a loved one, just this feeling he was not going to be for long. I think you captured that feeling here. Good write.
January 27, 2012 at 7:34 am
thanks–I was looking over and edited the first two stanzas. The stains had meant to refer to stains of the tape that they put on people’s faces, but I realize that had been completely incomprehensible in my earlier version. I think the changes make the beginning a bit more understandable. K.
January 27, 2012 at 6:28 am
I love the recurring line. So poignant.
January 27, 2012 at 8:11 am
nice emotional line in this def felt…i remember the passing of my MIL…my son looked at her in the casket and said she looks like sleeping beauty…i just hugged him for that one…nicely done to form as well….
January 27, 2012 at 8:18 am
that’s very sweet.
January 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm
Very heavy freight loaded in this form made for dancing, yet it seems sort of appropriate, the dance we all do is towards this place.The refrain is very visual, and your first stanza is quite coherent, if complex, in getting the feeling of bars of light falling across a face mimicked in the adhesive marks…another very strong visual. I found this form had not much to say to me, but enjoyed very much reading yours.
January 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm
I was thinking in the first stanza of supporting beams–you know aslant and fallen–but I don’t think I got that across, and not sure it makes much sense in any event.
It is an odd form, and as you say, particularly odd for my subject matter, but it was what came to mind. I am always interested in how forms can be bent and also how they can shape content. Thanks. K.
January 27, 2012 at 1:29 pm
i think you did a great job on the form…and you didn’t choose an easy topic…def. felt… my dad died in hospital from lung cancer when i was 17..so parts of your poem took me back there..
January 27, 2012 at 5:13 pm
You tackled a challenging form and subject with gravitas. Thank you, I was moved.
January 27, 2012 at 6:24 pm
Thanks.
January 28, 2012 at 12:25 am
Reminded me of my father’s passing several years ago…he wanted so badly to come home once again from the hospital…he lasted one day.
I think you did a marvelous job…very tender.
January 28, 2012 at 10:54 am
I think this was indeed deft and the subject matter fitted to this form must have been challenging; yet, it doesn’t feel forced at all. This is not light poetry here; in fact this is the stuff of life, and the tenderness and caring for a sick father whose face has been “stained” to one of light and shadow as though the cares and joys of a lifetime are written on it for all to see. Your use of half/slant rhymes works well because though this retains its song-like quality, it doesn’t overwhelm its subject. You wrote to form with skill and brilliance here. Well done.
January 28, 2012 at 11:19 am
Thanks so much, Gay. That’s very kind of you. I also thought the slant rhyme worked well–with this subject, you just couldn’t make it overly rhymey. I find writing in forms incredibly interesting and challenging as it forces one out of one’s ruts; at the same time, you don’t want to let the form dominate. (This is a struggle for me.) K.