National Poetry Month – Day 7 – “Oncoming”

Today I was kind of dry creatively so, in order to produce a draft poem,  I went back to one of my old rules–if you don’t have anything to write, try a sonnet!

I have purposely tried to use slant rhyme (not-quite rhyme), as I think sonnets can sound a little puerile if too rhymey.   For prior posts about sonnets,  check out this list.

Oncoming

There were one, two, three, four, trucks and we’d hit
sparks, some devilish configuration
of torque and stone, radii and slip,
that spit the car from its lane as from
the sea.  It bucked and dove, frantic, through
the waves of semis; to the right, the poles
of an overpass pulled to some untrue
North, as if to catch whatever souls
the semis missed.  We were on a visit
to a grandmother but I can’t recall
a greeting, meal, kiss, only that minute
that seemed sure to be our last, the haul
of those deep-sided trucks, my father’s swerves,
the way space looks, time feels, when fate uncurls.

Here’s an alternate last line:

the way space looks, time feels, in fateful curves

Though I think the poem might be better with a specific description.

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4 Comments on “National Poetry Month – Day 7 – “Oncoming””

  1. everydaylifestyles's avatar everydaylifestyles Says:

    Excellent poem thanks for sharing. I enjoy reading your blog very much. Writing poems is something I truly enjoy. It’s very relaxing and soothing.

    Raining Purple Rain – Haiku Poem

  2. Jennifer O.'s avatar Jennifer O. Says:

    I prefer the original last line. “when fate uncurls.”

    Excellent poem.

    • ManicDdaily's avatar manicddaily Says:

      Thanks, me too. (Thanks for your opinion too–it’s very useful.)

    • ManicDdaily's avatar manicddaily Says:

      PS – this was going in a few different directions–at first we were going to be like fish panting at the side of the road, something about dry land, my father as turbine, my mother hushed (us not crushed!) I don’t know what! But none of those really worked. Ha.


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